Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Demon (2013): Demon Doodie


After being sent to investigate a string of grisly murders, FBI Special Agent Nicole Diaz (Jasmine Waltz) is forced to team up with local police and a pair of shady scientists to hunt down a government created monster with a thirst for blood.

Written by Bernie Felix Jr. and directed by Rob Walker, Demon reeks of ineptitude from moment one, and never does the stench let up. In fact, it gets stronger as the 77 minute runtime sloooooowly ticks by. Now, I have an uncommonly high tolerance for bad movies – maybe even more so than most fans of B-Movies, and it’s rare that a film can test my limits, but Demon does so in a way that is almost unfathomable. Demon pushed my boundaries in a fashion that had me completely checked out by the final act, and nothing makes reviewing a film more difficult than not being able to pay attention to anything other than the runtime.

Despite my crippled attention span, I was able to observe a common through line in Demon, which is Agent Diaz constantly having to prove to men that she is equal to them, something that leads to a number of ridiculously uninspired moments. When she is first introduced, Agent Diaz is seen unconvincingly hitting a punching bag in a gym. Naturally there’s a group of guys watching her every move, with one of the men saying that there’s no way she can be that tough going on and on about how he could take her out in a heartbeat (because THAT’S manly). In any event, soon enough this sexist sucker attempts to challenge Agent Diaz, only to find himself on his ass, something that I would’ve never seen coming. *cough* sarcasm *cough*

Continuing this motif, there are also a number of times where Agent Diaz is given a hard time by the local yokel police officers for being a female FBI Agent. Like, is it really that difficult to believe that an attractive woman can be a Federal Agent in charge of a huge murder investigation? Maybe it was the white tank top she was wearing. Because a white tank top screams “I’M A PROFESSIONAL! TAKE ME SERIOUSLY!” Maybe she should’ve gone with the tube top instead. With that said, if you’re going to make a statement on equality, hiring a hot lead actress and sticking her Federal Agent character in a tank top seems to defeat the purpose of making a statement on equality.

On a technical level, Demon is a horrifically crafted film filled with poor camera work and sound so terrible that there are moments where you won’t even be able to hear what the characters are saying. Not that any of that matters. Outside of Waltz, the performances are amateurish at best, and absolutely none of the characters are believable in any way whatsoever. At best, Demon might be enjoyable with a few drunken friends, but I cannot imagine the fun would last more than 20 minutes before everyone would get bored and opt to watch a Don Dohler film instead. For you, dear reader, I suggest the same.

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