Sunday, November 8, 2009

The Horror Hangover

Hey Baby Eaters! After the wild Saturday night you had, I hope your not hurtin' too much this afternoon. But, if you are...then we have a pretty decent lineup of films to help you get through your hangover.

Starting things off at 10:30 AM The Fan (1996) is on FX. Solid Tony Scott directed thriller that I enjoy enough. Great cast with De Niro, Wesley Snipes, and a younger Benicio Del Toro, The Fan should make for a good watch to start off your hangover.

In the mood for impending Armageddon? At 11:00 AM SyFy has Asteroid (1997) with the conclusion at 1:00 PM. That's four fucking hours of doom! Originally an NBC TV movie, Asteroid actually won an Emmy, but more importantly, it stars Michael Biehn! The Emmy was actually for FX work, so it doesn't really count, but Biehn does! If this TV ad doesn't make you want to see this four hours of funk, then nothing will!



1:00 PM gives me real bad gas when Van Helsing (2004) craps all over FX. You may as well go back to watching Asteriod...did you hear? It won an Emmy!

At 2:30 PM, Turner Classic is showing Capricorn One (1978). I have never seen, nor even heard of this film before, so it gets my default pick of the week. It's directed by Peter Hyams, who is an okay filmmaker, but it's the cast that is the big draw with this one: Elliott Gould, James Brolin, Telly Savalas, Karen Black, Hal Holbrook, and OJ Simpson before he killed motha fuckas! It has an awesome concept too...



Speaking of wicked casts, at 3:30 The Poseidon Adventure (1972) is on Fox Movie Channel. A classic disaster movie with a brilliant cast bigger than the asteroid from Asteroid, but I bet The Poseidon Adventure never won no Emmy. Take that Poseidon Adventure!



Getting close to dinner time, 4:00 PM brings us Underworld: Evolution (2006) on FX. The Underworld movies are okay I guess. Not the worst films ever, but certainly nothing to really get excited over outside of the mega hot Kate Beckinsale and the other hot Vampire chicks sprinkled throughout. Though, non of them are as sexy as Michael Biehn, but luckily for Underworld: Evolution, Asteroid is finished destroying my heart with love for the day.

Last but not least, at 4:15 PM The Blob (1958) is on Turner Classic Movies. While I am more a fan of the '88 remake, I always loved the original The Blob, though I probably haven't watched it since around 1988. Still, not a bad way to end the hangover if I do say so myself!



That's all she wrote...Later skaters!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Paracinemasploitation

Going outside of the "normal" movie reviews I put together, over at Paracinema...The Blog, I just posted a review of the Kidsploitation film, Kidulthood. Kidsploitation...I don't know if that's actually a real term or not, but then again, you can make anything into "Sploitation" when it comes down to it. Like, Water World would be - Watersploitation, Boogie Nights - Dongsploitation, or any Rambo film could be considered - Oilsploitation and so on. Either way, check out the trailer and if the movie seems like it fits your fanny, then head on over and read my review. Actually, even if it doesn't quite flick your pickle, head over there and read it anyway...because I love you real good. Isn't that enough?

Kidulthood review at Paracinema.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Kumite Slow Jam Edition!

The club has been straight poppin' and lockin' the past few Friday nights, and since Halloween was straight off the bike chain, I thought it would be nice if we slowed things down a bit and brought in a guest DJ for tonight's slow jam edition of Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! No one knows how to take it slow better than DJ OK, USA! So fellas, if you don't wanna be on your own - alone, then grab the lady you think is hottest *except for her... that honey is mine!* and get ready for some slow grinding... Bolo style!! You may wanna limber up first. Might I suggest grabbing a couple chairs to do the splits on? It'll really make the dancing experience that much better as well as give you the ability to do triple helicopter kicks at the head of any opponent who stands in your way.



Man, Bolo's got bigger tits than every girl here! I wonder if they feel as nice as they look…

DJ OK, USA! sure knows how to spin a tight beat, huh? Hope you were able to enjoy a nice slow dance without being haunted by images of your hospitalized friend from Revenge of the Nerds and Chinese Hercules. If you were, you really didn't show it. You looked great out there, sport!


Thursday, November 5, 2009

CNAMB Presents: Monster of the Week!

Every week I'm looking to bring you sexy bitches a pick for a "monster of the week," whether it be a creature, a mutant, a zombie, or even a serial killer. Criteria for monster of the week will only require one thing, that I think said monster is dope. No other criteria is necessary if you ask me!

The first monster of the week is...

Swamp Thing!

Created by Len Wein and Berni Wrightson in 1971, Swamp Thing is originally a comic book character, but over the years has graced many different media outlets. Most notably and the main reason for his appearance this week is for the 1982, Wes Craven directed pulp horror film classic, simply titled, Swamp Thing. There was an eventual sequel in 1989, The Return of Swamp Thing, and of course Swamp Thing: The Series TV show that aired on the USA Network from 1990-1993.

A great character and a classic horror monster, who really isn't so much of a monster outside of his moist exterior, Swamp Thing is a creature that I will always be found of. The only thing I have always wondered though, does Swamp Thing ever get a chapped ass like I do when I get swampy in the summer time? If so, what is his remedy?

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Zombieland

For the sake of not spoiling anything about Ruben Fleischer's Zombieland for anyone that has not yet seen the film, ye be very warned, spoilers are infesting this review. I would hate for someone to even accidentally have something ruined for them just by glazing over these here words...okay, snookums?

I am not inventing the wheel when bringing up the fact that there are disturbing amounts of zombie films that have been released since the zombie "new wave" began earlier in the decade. Many can complain about the over abundance, and I don't blame them at all, but with so many movies being made in one genre...you're bound to have a couple of gems here and there. For as many cruddy zombie films that come out as opposed to how many good ones - it's a very unbalanced ratio, to say the least. Nevertheless, it is a ratio I can accept when amidst all the muck comes films trudging through like 28 Days/Weeks Later, Dawn of the Dead '04, [REC], Shaun of the Dead, and now the newest kid on the undead chopping block, Zombieland.

When I first saw the trailers for Zombieland, I have to admit, I was not all that into it...only appeal for me was Woody Harleson and that's about it. I looked at it as another zombie movie that is going the comedic route, but what are the chances that another zombie comedy is gonna strike that Shaun of the Dead gold? Not very good. Shaun of the Dead is one of the best horror comedies, probably since American Werewolf even - so to be even in the same ballpark, let alone the same city would be a pretty difficult task to achieve. You know what, Zombieland is not only in the same ballpark, it's at bat with runners on the corners, no outs, and a 3-0 count.

Zombieland totally hits it outta the park - It was an absolute blast of a film and there were so many things to enjoy about this movie as a whole. Direction wise and technically, Zombieland is very apt and impressive at times. One of the things that had me skeptical in the trailers was the slo-mo stuff that looked like a practice that I have seen one too many times before. That technique is only used in the films opening credit sequence however, and it's used perfectly. To boot, it's an opening credit sequence that flat out rocked as Metallica's For Whom The Bell Tolls blares during a great zombie carnage montage. It instantly put me in the right mind set to watch Zombieland. I also really liked some of the transitions from scene to scene - very impressive and as with Zombieland in general, a lot of fun.

Zombieland is basic in premise, following only a handful of characters, mainly Jesse Eisenberg who plays Columbus. He also acts as the movies narrator and the concept is sort of inspired by Max Brooks' The Zombie Survival Guide, with Columbus having his own set of rules that he lives by, rules that have kept him alive through this zombie holocaust that has unfolded around him. These rules also serve as the film's driving force for the first act and works in what I would consider a brilliant way to introduce the viewer to this alternate zombie world in a creative and indirect way. I also loved how these rules would pop-up on screen when the actual rule was in use, and thankfully, it is not hokey, nor is it overused.

As Columbus makes his way to his hometown of, Columbus Ohio, he runs into Tallahassee, played by Woody Harrelson. As I mentioned, the only real thing that drew me in about Zombieland originally was Woody Harrelson. I am a huge fan of his work, as most should be, and he is fantastic in this movie. Harrelson as Tallahassee is what drives this film; he takes what is a very good movie and makes it great! He has such perfect comedic timing and his casting as a tough guy with a chip of zombie flesh on his shoulder is pitch perfect. The dialogue is great overall, but some of the Tallahassee stuff was tailor made for Woody, who spits out great one-liners and goes on gut busting tirades about the importance of having a Twinkie sooner than later.

Columbus and Tallahassee team up and go about their ways, till they run into tough as nails, Wichita (Emma Stone) and her tough as thumbtacks, 12 year old sister, Little Rock (Abigail Breslin). Both are a nice addition to the group as they bring a bit of opposition to the boys with the two sisters only wanting to lookout for one another and keep others safely at bay. For Columbus, a self admitted loner who had never even played tonsil hockey with a chick, he is salivating at any opportunity to meet a girl that he can fall for in such a desolate and empty world. It's a rocky relationship between the boys and girls, but that is to be expected when trying to survive the post Apocalypse.

Throughout Zombieland, I laughed out load so many times during this film and Tallahassee was a big reason, another was the surprise special guest, Bill "fucking" Murray! I knew there was some special appearance to be had, and I am sooo thankful that I did not "accidentally" find out whom before seeing Zombieland. The second I realized that the group of survivors are at Murray's house, I got insanely excited! Bill Murray is everything that Tallahassee says he is and to have him show up in Zombieland really added yet another layer fun to this movie. And I cannot express how funny it is when Wichita laughs at Bill Murray's last breath just as he is dying (because everything he does is funny), then apologizes and says, it's so sad! Classic.

A funny Bill Murray is not a stretch and neither is Harrelson for that matter, but it's Jesse Eisenberg that drives the movie and even with a strong performance from the whole cast, if he isn't great, then it would really hurt the film. Fortunately, his is fantastic and while many would be right in him doing a very Michael Cera centric portrayal, he does so very well with a top-notch sense of comedic skill, physically and verbally. He has some hysterical moments and teamed up with Harrelson, the two have great chemistry together and are the perfect "opposites attract" duo.

Even as a zombie comedy, there is of course a message hidden in Zombieland and it is actually handled well. Letting go of your past and not letting nostalgia drive your life, when you are living your life right this very second. All of the characters have a sort of distance from one another, in fear of becoming too attached. Everyone they have been attached to has been killed by, or become, the undead. So why bother going through the pain of getting to know someone in a world that has pretty much ended, a world where they can essentially die at any time. No one uses their name throughout the entire film; save for Bill Murray who is playing himself, but even during a Columbus' flashback, his neighbor is refereed to as 406 in reference to her apartment number. Going nameless actually makes for an endearing emotional scene with Tallahassee, and a sweet ending where Wichita tells Columbus her real name...this was a nice touch seeing the two toughest members of the group let their guard down for once.

Only complaint someone could have would be during the second act, where there isn't much in terms of zombie action. However, the character development was solid and kept me interested in their individual stories. Plus there is so much great humor that you don't even notice the lack of undead presence. Even with the slower paced midsection of Zombieland, there is plenty of walking (or running) dead action in the beginning and especially at the end of the film to make up for it. And the awesome Nightmare City inspired (okay, maybe not) ending...lets just say, there is nothing better than Tallahassee holding on to a moving roller coaster with one hand, while gunning down zombies with an Uzi in his other hand. With the solid box office showing of Zombieland, there are already rumblings of a possible sequel. I hope that this comes to fruition - I really had a fun time with these characters and this story, and it would be great to see what other shenanigans they can get themselves into.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Tales of Rocky Point Park

I just so happened to watch 1981's The Funhouse within the same two days I decide to read the first two issues of Tales of Rocky Point Park. As I was in the midst of this, I realized that both the carnival location of the film and the amusement park setting of the comic were very similar to one another, so I thought why not review both the comic and the movie! So, in a joint effort with that awesome blog, Paracinema...The Blog, I will do my review of Tales of Rocky Point Park here, while The Funhouse will be posted over at Paracinema.

Illustrated and written by Jason Mayoh, Tales of Rocky Point Park is a three part independent comic book that mixes rumors and urban legends with facts about the now long gone Rocky Point Amusement Park in Rhode Island. I only have the first two issues, so I cannot speak for the entire Rocky Point saga, but each of these issues are independent from each other for the most part and each issue focuses on a different aspect of the legendary amusement park.

Rocky Point opened its gates way back in 1847 and officially closed in 1996. It sat there after closing, rusting and rotting away till 2007 when the park was finally demolished, leaving behind quite the legacy for the many people that enjoyed the park throughout its long history. It was the most popular attraction in Road Island and one of the biggest and most beloved in all of New England. Being open as long as it was, Rocky Point built up many memories - and sitting for as long as it sat, abandoned and rusting away, those stories were to be passed on from generation to generation...stories that over time, evolved into legends.

That is the focus of Tales of Rocky Point Park, Mayoh takes the facts about the parks history, most of which are fascinating, and mixes them with the urban legends that have developed over the years. In the first issue, the main focus is The House of Horrors and the many sordid tales that the parks very popular haunted attraction brought. It also introduces The Viking - a figure that was an abused fixture of the haunted house that is turned into a sort of protector of the grounds in this morbid tale. In the second issue, Mayoh concentrates on the Skyliner, a sort of ski lift that carried passengers from one end of the park, to the other. With a great view of the entire park, people loved the Skyliner, but for some, the Skyliner was a trip to their doom as there were a few accidents, some of them even fatal.

Heavily inspired by E.C. comics, these Tales of Rocky Point Park are a lot of fun, while being more than just a bunch of made up stories. There are a ton of great anecdotes to be told about the park and to have those stories mixed with the urban legends that generated from the location is a recipe for informative success. Each issue includes about two pages of memories and recollections from a slew of people, from ex-employees to city council officials. The black and white artwork is solid and Mayoh uses a very classic comic book style that works well in this genre of storytelling.

I had picked these issues up a long time ago now and I'm happy that I finally got to reading them...I am very interested in learning more about the park itself and incidentally there is a 2007 documentary about Rocky Point titled You Must Be This Tall. I have known about it for some time and I have always wanted to check it out, but even more now I would like to see it after reading Tales of Rocky Point Park. I am not sure if the doc gets into any of the "stranger occurrences" of Rocky Point, but there is a lot of history to be learned about this one time place of joy and happiness that filled so many with an unlimited amount of nostalgia.

You can pick up Tales of Rocky Point Park from the official website here - you can buy each of the three issues separately, or in a collected graphic novel style book that contains all three stories. If anyone out there in Baby Eating land has ever seen the documentary, I would love to hear a little about it. Now in the spirit of haunted amusement parks, I would like to invite you to head over to Paracinema and check out my review of The Funhouse! The Funhouse and the Rocky Point comics went so well together and the accidental pairing gave me an excuse to do a comic review, which most of you may know, I have never done before, so I hope it was aight!



Enjoy the review!

Purple Nurple

Many people underestimate the color purple…I don’t mean that movie with the little short chick Prince; I’m talking about the actual color purple. Like the color that your nipple becomes when twisted in-between someone’s tightly gripped fingertips, or the color of delicious artificial grape substances. It’s a color that displays more than just style and fashion sense, it shows that you are a man that is not only confident, but a man with true panache. Purple can have an effect unlike any other color; it can grant the wearer the ability to have tight abs, or even the capability to throw an opponent onto a trampoline. However, if you do not have faith in your purple garb, or a pair of healed boots and white tapered pants, then you may not be able to harness all that is purple. In the end, you are just another jerk in purple pajamas.

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