The Horror Hangover

It's the long holiday weekend for many of you out there in internet land, and between one of the biggest drinking nights of the year, the overindulgence of Thanksgiving, the stress of Black Friday and now the weekend, you crazy bastards must be straight toast by now. Well, my dear readers, I am here to spread the buttery love that is only known as The Horror Hangover all over your fragile self, so please, lay flat and let me spread away.

It's a very short and easy (*insert mom joke here*) hangover for this fine afternoon as every movie I deemed worthy will be found over at AMC, so you really don't even have to move. Well, outside of maybe leaning your head over the edge of the couch for a good vomit, but that should be all. Starting things off - and in an odd coincidence wherein this hangover ties in with the most recent Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party – our first film of the day comes to us in the form of an unstoppable killing machine, The Terminator, which is making its nude appearance at 10:30.

If a sci fi version of a Slasher film isn't your bag, but you yearn for some Arnold in your day (and I mean, who doesn't need a little Arnold in their day?), then don't go too far as 1:00 gives us one of cinema's toughest action films ever created, Predator. Biceps, big-BIG guns, lots of sweat, great one-liners and a badass monster, and it's all right there for the taking.

You know what, though? Maybe you need a little more Predator in your day, and you could even go for a nice dose of Lethal Weapon. Well, go no further because AMC is showing Predator 2 at 3:30. While it goes without saying that I love The Terminator and Predator, many are divided on Predator 2. Some hate it, some enjoy it. Me, I have always found it to be a fun follow-up, and the urban setting is a pretty awesome one if you ask me. So there you have it.

That'll do it this time around. Hope you all have had a great holiday weekend and we'll see you next time!

Arnold's Friday Night Dance Party! Going Commando Edition!

Thanks to a holiday Thursday resulting in an odd day off from work, I'm sowing up to the party a little late tonight due to a complete lack of, well, memory. Yeah, I forgot, but that's what happens when you play Man vs Food: Home Edition three times in a day with the stereotypical American Thanksgiving meal. It tends to take a little out of ya. Either way, what matters is I'm here now, and with me I have brought some serious gold to share with you all.

I actually saw this video posted on someone's Facebook fairly recently, and I instantly knew that I had to use it here, on Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party, at some point. As the video's title would suggest, it's a musical version of one of my favorite action films of all time, Arnold Schwarzenegger's Commando! Why don't I stop with the yapping already and let you enjoy the greatness that is, Jenny and Me.

 

Arnold's Friday Night Dance Party!

Hey hoes, it be a late night dance party tonight, as I spent much of the day busy at the gym, working on my bod, getting it primed for tonight's special edition of Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party. I need to be as tight as possible, or the baby oil just won't look right, plus, the stronger I am, the harder I can push myself to keep the darkness illuminated with intense trails from my glow sticks. So I hope you came prepared with a solid tan, deep cuts, massive bulges and a bottle of Nair, because tonight, it's an all-nighter with the one and only, Arnold Schwarzenegger!

What is there really to say about this clip that isn't said all on it's own? The song is fantastic and really gets my blood pumping, and I find it supremely difficult to look away as each move Julius Benedict makes, is one of style and intense dedication to the dance. If being 'Born to be Alive' is a metaphor for falling into a dance trance with nothing but you and your glow sticks, then consider me born like Jason. There should be a dance-off between Arnold's rave dance and Jean-Claude's onsie dance scene from Breakin' for homoerotic supremacy. The winner gets both the glow sticks and the onsie, but more importantly, street cred. Oh, and an Applebee's gift certificate worth $15.

The Horror Hangover

Got a very mixed and slightly small bag of films for The Horror Hangover this week, but there is some shit worth checking out depending on your taste. First I’ll mention that The Matrix films will be on AMC starting only an hour after you went to bed last night aka 8:00 AM. It will be a marathon of Matrix, so you can leave it on all day long and as you sober up, the quality of the films shall slowly disintegrate!

On a much better note, BBC has a Hitchcock marathon that will span the entire day, starting with Vertigo at 9:00, then Psycho at 12:00, and  Rear Window at 2:30. Then it will loop right back around and start all over again. I don’t get BBC on my cable, but if you have the power, spending a day with Hitchcock is not a bad day to be spent at all. I’ll give this my marathon pick of the week!

In non-marathon Hangover news, at 11:00 Breakdown (1997) is playing on USA. I haven’t seen Breakdown in a long time, but I have decent memories of it. It’s a thriller style road movie, with trucks, and Kurt Russell, so you really can’t go wrong. Only thing better would be a thriller style road movie, with trucks, and Pat Swayze, but that isn’t the case. Still, Breakdown gets my solo movie pick of the week! 

 

At 12:00, you might want to “Get Down!” when Eraser (1996) is on A&E. It’s an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, so I have to mention it, as I have a deep love for the greatest action hero of all time. I actually saw this movie in the theaters, but barely remember it outside of Vanessa Williams and I think there was a cool futuristic gun used in it at one point, but that could be another movie for all I know.

 

Lastly, at 12:15 The Amityville Horror (2005) meh-make is showing on TNT. Movie is pretty wiggity-whack with a few good moments, but the whole “catch ‘em and kill ‘em” thing was one of the lamest hooks a horror film has ever had. The scene with the hot babysitter (I think she was hot?) was pretty cool from what I remember, but there is very little for me to recommend about this pile of pooh. Ryan Reynolds’ beard is very proper though…but as powerful as James Brolin’s? I smell celebrity death match!

 

That's all folks…not a lot, but there are some movies worth checking out. Hopefully I have lead you down the path of cable horror ‘n such, and you won’t feel so alone as you wonder why you slept with that nasty dude/dudette last night!

CNAMB Presents: Monster of the Week!

In the short history of the Monster of the Week segment, there have been some great creatures, but this week’s pick is a true king in the vast jungle of Monsters, Mutants, and Madmen. Additionally, this pick would also be having a very long overdue, and very much anticipated return to the big screen without having to share any of the glory. With hair right out of the Caribbean, an arsenal of weapons that would make Kraven drool, and blood that would pique the interest of Herbert West, this weeks Monster of the Week goes to…

The Predator!

Originally appearing in John McTiernan’s 1987 classic action film, Predator, the Predator has appeared in a 1990 sequel, two Alien vs. Predator movies, and numerous comic books, video games, and one of the best fan film’s ever made. Created by Jim and John Thomas, and designed by the late great Stan Winston, the Predator was played by the late Kevin Peter Hall in first two films and then Ian Whyte in the Alien vs. Predator movies.

While the AVP films are not up to par, the original Predator is one of the best, and manliest action movies ever made, along with being one of my favorite Schwarzenegger films. Even the sequel, while being very flawed, is quite enjoyable and I love the urban jungle that this sport trophy hunter was placed in. To say that I am excited about a new Predator film would be a major understatement, and it’s about time that this Monster got it’s own movie again after nearly 20 years. One of the most original, intimidating, and just flat out cool creatures ever put to screen, this ugly mother fucker is the definition of classic Monster and a solid addition to the Monster of the Week.