Stake Land: Putting Teeth Back Into the Vampire Genre

"It's JUST like Zombieland but it's not funny, and instead of zombies it's vampires that are causing everyone so much grief!"

Barf.

I don't know how many fucking times I read that description whenever reading a review for Jim Mickle's latest film, Stake Land. The two films (Zombieland and Stake Land) have NEVER had ANYTHING to do with one another, and I believe that should have been obvious (especially to horror fans) right from the film's first teaser trailer that was released before Zombieland had even come out. Sure, there are some similarities with the post apocalyptic setting, something that was never done in any other film outside of Zombieland. The Last Man on Earth, Omega Man, Phantasm II, The Road Warrior, 28 Days/Weeks Later, Night of the Comet, Carriers, etc. None of those films were set in a time when the world was riddled with either zombies, vampires, infected, crazy people or even some concoction of the four. Is the name Stake Land is a bad choice? Well, it's not a great movie title by any stretch, but the film was initially conceived around the same time as Zombieland, so the comparisons are simply ridiculous if you ask me, especially when every Tom, Dick and Harry felt the need to make the exact same comparison when reviewing the film. 

Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. Shit has been bothering me for months. Let me reign things back in here and get back on track now that I've probably offended someone I like...

Directed and co-written by Jim Mickle - who made a nice little splash with his solid, original take on the zombie film with 2006's Mulberry Street – Stake Land is set sometime after the world had become infected by a deadly virus. But this isn't your typical airborne type of contagion; instead, the deadly plague comes in the form of vampires. Without any back-story to how it all started, the vampires have quite easily taken over the planet, leaving few survivors behind and their victims to come back as their allies.  

Now, these vampires aren't the type of chiseled abs adorned hotties that make out with chicks and style their hair (You know, like me). Nope, these are vicious, man-eating vampires filled with aggression and a certain level of survival smarts and tactics. The idea of a plague by vampirism is a smart choice, as most of us are already aware of how vampires work and how they can turn people into fellow vampires. Therefore, there is no need to explain how the disease has spread; it's a part of the monsters mythos. Though, there are some things that separate the film from the by the book characteristics of vampires, one of them being that they seem to either have evolved or there are at least a few differing breeds of them with some being more powerful than others.  

Stake Land follows a man simply known as Mister (co-writer, Nick Damici) and a teenager named Martin (Connor Paolo) who Mister befriends after saving his life from a vampire attack that left Martin's entire family dead.  Mister – who hates being referred to as Mr. Mister – is what you could call a badass motherfucker who is skilled in the ways of vampire slaying. He and Martin are traveling to Canada (which has been dubbed New Eden) which is supposedly a refuge free of vampires and filled with at least a small sense of normalcy.  

Not at all the most original of ideas in anyway. Regardless, I will always attest to the fact that originality is not an issue if a film can bring something to the idea. There is a reason why classic stories are classic stories. In the hands of the right filmmaker, a classic story can always be told well. That would most certainly be the case with Stake Land. 

Despite the lack of background - which is actually appreciated by myself - Stake Land is a cinematically poignant and deep film that resonates in its situation. Despite the vampiric elements, the circumstances feel real as do the characters. I found myself drawn to the people of Stake Land, as they are somewhat relatable as is the way in which they are dealing with their plight. The characters are who they are and they aren't filled with overly dramatic traits that would mean to alienate the audience or even themselves. I specifically enjoyed the subtle father son relationship between Mister and Martin that is vastly more enduring and somber than any single moment found in the highly overrated and often compared to, The Road. The emotional impact is better conveyed because it's not being forced upon the viewer; it happens naturally. 

Stake Land is filled with very strong performances by all those involved, but the stand out in the film is certainly Nick Damici, who also stared in and co-wrote Mickle's Mulberry Street. What I love about Damici is the fact that he is a real person, a man's man, someone that you would find littering tough guy cinema of the '70s. He's a rarity in these cinematic times, and to see someone like him in a film such as Stake Land is simply awesome. I also must give credit to his character of Mister. He is a true tough guy, but he breaks the mold and never acts so tough that his exterior cannot be broken. Without hesitation, he is compassionate, sympathetic to others and is not at all selfish despite the fact that it could result in his own undoing. He isn't simply trying to selfishly survive, he is trying to fight back the evil that surrounds him.

Mickle has constructed a film that is technically nice to look at on what is supposedly a teeny-tiny budget ($625,000 from what I have read). Stake Land isn't some slick, blue hued vampire film that is overly stylized and hyperkinetic, nor is it a sepia toned apocalypse movie littered with slo-mo shots. It's a straightforward and nicely crafted piece of cinema, filled with wide landscape shots that convey the rural, vast and almost completely devoid of life world that Stake Land is set in. Between the character of Mister and the way in which Stake Land is filmed, it has almost has a Western sensibility to it.   

In what is yet another case of the 'unoriginals', the whole 'people are so much worse than the monsters' commentary is in full effect here in Stake Land. It does work for the most part, but it is a tad over done and also feeds into a portion of the film that might be a point where it loses its footing a little. However, where the film does falter is minute and not nearly enough to affect my thoughts on the film as a whole. Which to me is a near perfectly made and very subdued modern horror/vampire film. There was a time when I was young and vampire films and the creatures themselves were some of my favorite things about horror. Therefore, I am incredibly ecstatic to have a film such as Stake Land come out. Stake Land shows us that the vampire can still be used in a way that is interesting, and proves yet again that the genre is alive and well. We just have to look outside the cinema to find it. 

CNAMB's Worst Films of 2010

Unless there were to be some miraculous act of *choose your own religious icon*, with any best of the year film list, unfortunately, comes a worst of the year list. Last year I had but two films to name (thankfully), and technically that would be the same with this year, too. Nevertheless, there were also a few movies that stood out for, well, not standing out at all. Those movies that weren't horrendous or worst of the year worthy, but failed to deliver anything but a one time watch and shrug-filled forget. I'll get those out of the way first.

The Most Mediocre of 2010  

(from *cough-cough* best to worst )

The Book of Eli

Some interesting ideas flooded a film that was frankly, not all that interesting. A few cool action set pieces, some decent acting but, in the end, I just didn't care much about anything that was going on. And as much as I enjoy seeing Mila Kunis on screen, I find it hard to believe that in a land where everyone has jacked-up teeth, that she, who was born well after the apocalypse happened, had them shits looking like a white strip commercial. Her stylish post-apocalyptic inspired get-up wasn't any easier to chew on, either.  

The Crazies

With what started out as a strong kind of sort of infection film, The Crazies quickly went from interesting and tension filled, to clichéd and quite boring by the second half. There were a few great moments, but overall it wreaked of familiarity and apparently wasn't worth my memory's time as - outside of a few scenes and the always enjoyable Timothy Olyphant - I can remember very little about the film. Lots of promise and it came close to being decent but, ultimately, the ball was dropped somewhere along the line.

The Wolfman

Loved the atmosphere. Loved the way that the titular beast looked. Loved the classic gothic setting. Loved the gory bits. So what the hell happened with The Wolfman? Well, let's start with it being far too long and far too uninteresting. The unnecessarily complicated plot seemed to be going by way of the kitchen sink theory, and the pacing was so out of whack that I had no idea where I even was in the story. To make things worse, the dialogue was utterly laughable. I can see where this one had so many pre-release issues, and it shows in the final product. A series of cool scenes filled in with way too many boring ones, driven by the biggest casting mistake a studio could have ever made, does not result in a good film.

Legion

Sure, it's not a very good film in the least, and I do have it on my most mediocre list, but I actually didn't mind watching Legion too much. I had shit expectations and it only slightly surpassed them by at least having a few cool angel fight scenes towards the film's end (but there really should have been more of that). Still, I cannot believe that a movie can be - in this day in age with critics abound – as fucking clichéd as Legion was. The characters were as awful as it gets, ranging from a rich snotty women, a slutty chick, a doubting hero, and right on down to the fucking black guy that listens to loud rap, smokes weed and carries a gun. Whatever.

……………………………………………………………………

Okay, now that the whatever films of 2010 are out of the way, let's move on to the meat and taters of this here post: The worst films of 2010. As with last year, I only have two films, thankfully, and while this list is littered with two films that made me groan, they are a slight improvement over the films that made my two-film list last year. Alright, let's get on with it, shall we?   

The Worst Films of 2010

(once again, from *cough-cough* best to worst)

The Road

I just don't know what it is about The Road that peeved me off so much, well I do, but I am not sure why my unimpressed feeling slowly became a complete feeling of despise for the film over time. It looked great, it captured an apocalyptic setting that needed to be captured, Aragorn was solid, as always, and this generation's Lance Henriksen, Garret Dillahunt, even makes an appearance. What's not to like? Well, let's start with Kodi Smit-McPhee, who's character, Boy, was quite awful and just plain annoying from start to finish. His dialogue constantly drove me up the wall, and how could any kid grow up in the apocalypse and not begin to form some sense of balls? I know he's a kid, but this is a survival situation that would sort of force anyone to learn to instinctively toughen up, and quickly, too.

That little jerk-off aside, what really chapped my ass the most about The Road was the complete lack of emotion that was to be found. This is a movie where everything is based on emotion, but there is none built at all. It's as if the filmmakers were simply expecting people to fall for it because it was such a sappy situation. Father, son, the apocalypse, WAHH! Sorry, bro. You have to earn my emotions, not instantly receive them with cheap ploys and crying men who couldn't even keep their clothes on half the time. See, now I'm just getting more pissed even thinking about this fucking movie. Skip The Road and watch Winter's Bone instead. It does everything that The Road couldn't, and Dillahunt's in that too.    

The Road Review

 

  Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever

Nothing quite says disappointing like having your first 2010 film, which also just so happened to be a birthday gift that I had on my wish list, be a complete pile of overhyped shit. Not that Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever – the sequel to one of my favorite horror films of the last decade – received this insane praise all around, but the reception was certainly warmer than anyone expected and enough to give me fair hope for a fun time. All the elements were there: Good special effects, decent art design and a certain sense of 80's familiarity that is always welcome in a film of its type, when done right, of course. 

So what makes Spring Fever make me wish I had yellow fever? First of all, it's not at all funny. The humor falls completely flat and a part of that has to do with the lack of properly conveyed quirkiness, something that attributed greatly to the success of Roth's original film. Even with the moments that are there to solely gross out in a humorous, over-the-top fashion, never did so in a way that garnered any sort of reaction out of me. But where Spring Fever pooped the hardest is it was not at all entertaining. In fact, I would go as far as to call it boring. And boring is something that is unforgivable. Mix that in with obnoxiously poor sound design and that way shoehorned in ending, and you have my least favorite movie of the year.

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever Review

Now, while I am starting to feel a little bad about calling some kid a jerk-off that probably doesn't deserve it (why do I have to have a conscience?), you can clearly see that some films can truly bring out quite a stir of emotions for films fans. Just writing about movies like this gets me all riled-up and now I want to hear what films snapped your banana off at the wrong spot in 2010?

The Road: To Nowhere

Set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, 2009's The Road follows a father and his son as they are trying to survive in a dead world where there are almost no resources left. There is no plant or animal life left, let alone much food and water. The very few humans that are still alive, are dangerous bandits that more than likely will rob them for their belongings, as well as taking the flesh from their bones just to fill their hungry bellies. There is little to be said as to what has caused the world to get to this darkened point, but there are flashbacks to a once happy life that would come to crumble under the pressure of the cataclysmic happenings.

I'm not really sure what else there is to say about The Road story wise, as it's as simple as watching a father and his son walk from point A to point B. They have a few run-ins with various people, some good, some not so good. They find food and shelter but are forced to run away due to fear of being cannibalized by scavengers. They are on a journey, but it's a journey to nowhere, essentially, which really makes their travel and need to survive completely pointless. While that may seem poetic in a way, it's unfortunately pretty boring to be quite honest.

The Road is about the despair of a father, a father that’s love and fear is so deep, he would kill his own son to keep him from being knowingly victimized by bandits. He even teaches his son that suicide is the alternative to being possibly raped and eaten by less than respectable survivors of this apocalypse. On the other hand, the boy has hope, a youthful hope, an unrealistic hope that his father knows can be very dangerous for the overly hopeful and trusting boy.

This is not a film that would focus on action but on emotion. Intense, heart ripping, emotion, and there are twenty gallons of that   emotion displayed on screen, but not one single drop of it has any sort of impact. I'm not sure if I can pinpoint why The Road couldn't pull me into the character's plight, but it seemed as if it was expected of me to have certain reactions without earning them first. Without making me care for the characters beforehand.

I am the type of filmgoer that can easily have emotion projected on me, even if it is from a source that I have no personal connection with. I can channel it and be completely swept up by sentiment and passion, as I can simply relate to it as a human being with feelings. So maybe not having a child of my own could be looked at as a factor, but I seriously doubt that's the case. I should be able to feel a connection, whether or not I have a similar one in my own personal life.

It is that attachment that would make or break this film, and without it, The Road fails incredibly. I didn't root for them to make it because there was nothing  to be made - there was no investment because there was no point. To make things worse, the boy was incredibly annoying on almost every level. The character is obnoxiously whiny and mopy, and it's not even because he is living a horrible life in a devastated world, it's because he has all this hope while his father doesn't. Give me a break.

Kodi Smit-McPhee's performance doesn't help any either, as everything he said and did drove me up the wall. He really gives Jake Lloyd a run for his money, and if he said 'papa' one more time, I may have tried to fit my head into the garbage disposal. I cannot help but think if there had been a better actor involved, the film may have been slightly more bearable for me, but I stress slightly because the character is hokey to begin with. Mortensen, on the other hand, is fantastic, but that is not much of a surprise, I suppose. Nevertheless, his gripping performance seems all for not since his character couldn't grasp my affection in the slightest.

It's really too bad, The Road is simply gorgeous and the look is what I think we all would come to expect if the world was indeed dead. The decay of the planet and the minimal characters that inhabit it are all very believable on an aesthetic level and the art department deserves much kudos for their projection of this lifeless future. While John Hillcoat's direction is technically solid, being the director, he also failed to deliver a film that could make me care at all about its characters and what happens to them. I never once felt their pain or even their few moments of happiness, and if I cannot feel it, why should I be invested in it?