Dear Young Women of America,

Mr. T (and your parents rearview mirror) called, and he want's his style back.

A bunch of fools that are in dire need of pitying.

Mr. T’s Friday Night Dance Party!

Ya know, since Clubber Lang is the Monster of the Week and all, why not go all the way and make this edition of Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party a special one, by having the one and only, Mr. T bring the beats and rhymes like only he knows how! Many of you have probably seen this, but if you haven’t, it is filled with more gold than an R. Kelly shower. Just when you thought it was okay to tell ma dukes what a hoe she is, Mr. T steps in to let you know that you should Treat your mother right!

This badass entry into the Hip-Hoposphere is taken from the 1984 motivational video, Be Somebody... or Be Somebody's Fool! It was a video meant to teach kids about respect for their elders as well as respect for themselves. Be Somebody…or Be Somebody’s Fool! was actually produced by Topper Carew, who just so happened to be the writer/producer on the cult classic, D.C. Cab – so it’s clear that when T and Carew got together, magic was made by the cock load.

There are so many things that rule about Treat your mother right, starting off with the very first line where the softball player takes a jab at the little kid by saying that he couldn’t be anymore than five. Now that’s just taking things a little too far right there. Still, I think his ear's sticking out rebuttal is what wins the battle for the little kid, but we’ll never know how it could’ve played out due to T interfering with the big girl’s impending mother joke. There are a few things that I have personally taken from this fine video and made a part of my life. First, make sure to give your mom back massages while wearing weight lifting gloves…one day that could lead to still living at home when you’re 45. Also, take the groceries in for her already! She needs to keep her back strong for when she is auditioning your new father already! And lastly, I couldn’t help but notice that Mr. T, circa this video, would have made for a fine addition to the Sleepaway Camp crew of scantly clad males. Mr. T does not approve of this post.

CNAMB Presents: Monster of the Week!

Some monster are driven by a deep seated anger and rage that comes from having a tough and unfair childhood spent on the streets - some find a way to get that anger and hatred out in a socially acceptable way. Having an outlet, such as boxing to get the anger out is a good thing, but it doesn’t make the person less the Monster if they are driven by hurting others without remorse. Some aren’t able to take the negative experiences of a past difficult life and turn them into something positive for others with their success.

This is the case with this week’s Monster, so without any further ado, the Monster of the Week is…

James "Clubber" Lang!

Appearing in 1982’s Rocky III, James “Clubber” Lang is the opponent and antagonist to the great Rocky Balboa. Clubber Lang is an angry man, and as he works his way up the boxing ranks, his anger is fueled by watching Balboa win frivolous title matches against weak and lesser opponents. He see’s someone at the top that in his eyes doesn’t deserve it and it just makes him all the more upset. Lang is played by the great Mr. T and I think I need not explain who that man is (loved his cereal), but I will say that his performance in Rocky III is quite fantastic. We know that Mr. T was a real life tough guy, that’s what got him the role in Rocky III, but the real T is one of the kindest and most noble people to work in film and television, and that is evident from his positive messages to children over the years. His real life persona almost mirrors that of Lang in a sense, but he decided to make a positive impact, instead of a negative one with his success.

Mr. T is as far from Clubber Lang as it gets and that is what makes him so great in the movie…Lang is incredibly intimidating and he’s as scary as a broken condom. Rocky Balboa has faced many antagonists, but what separates Clubber Lang from the rest of the pack is he never shows any signs of kindness, nor is he apologetic for his negative actions. He is just a mean dude that only wants to knock the block off Rocky Balboa out of hatred and jealousy. Even Ivan Drago wasn’t that bad of a guy and in the end, he showed signs of couth, giving respect for Rocky as a fighter, which eventually led to the end of the cold war. Thank god.