Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! Rambada: The Forbidden Dance Edition!

I have thrown quite a few of these whacky and wild Dance Parties now, and even though I've had this clip in the vault for sometime, I still find myself speechless, which is a first. It's just too much to take in for even a human as advanced as I, and it won't take you long to figure out why.

If you can't handle the entire clip due to a heart condition or you are easily turned on by sassy Spanish men, dressed up like Rambo, sexing up the screen, then please make sure to skip to 2:30. That is the moment when I am nothing short of destroyed and nothing can bring me back. The grandma hug-to-work out montage-to-sexy explosion starting at 3:15 just makes things worse.

Please, enjoy. 

What'd I tell ya? You probably need a Pepsi now to quench your thirst, but the thirst left by sweaty Spanish Rambo cannot be quenched that easily. To close the wound opened by this video, you need to burn it with some gun powder mixed with cobra spit and mango salsa.  

I did actually try and look for some info on this dude and this song, but I had to stop only after a few minutes. I think it would be a bad idea to take away from the mystique of this fabulous video, as in my mind, there really is a singing dancing Spanish Rambo that walks the streets spreading joy from his being and sweat from his follicles. Bless you Spanish Rambo, for you have blessed me with gold.

The Horror Hangover

Another day, another hangover, but thankfully, there are quite a few films for you to drool through today, so your hangover won't be relegated to just infomercials about little wieners and badass food processors. Not that every single one of these films are much better than infomercials or a QVC sweater blowout, but there still be some gold in these here hangover hills, and I shall be your guide for this, The Horror Hangover.

AMC starts our day off with a Governor, a director with a god complex, a super flat butt and the guy that banged Rosanne. Of course, I'm talking about True Lies (1994), which is playing at 10:30.

1:00 gives us all the gift of Boogeyman (2005), followed by Boogeyman 2 (2007) at 1:00, and we can thank SyFy for this one. I've never seen but have only heard very bad things about Boogeyman, and I only can assume that would be the same case for it's sequel. Boogeyman…why can't I keep the thought out of my head that this film would be better served if the main antagonist were just some dude who picked his nose, then ran after people trying to wipe it on them? Now that would be scary. Boogers are frightening on their own, but put them on a fingertip that is hot on your tail, and you got the stuff nightmares are made of. It'snot how I would want to go out, that's for sure.

11:30 comes and goes with Assault on Precinct 13 (2005) on FX. It's not a horrible remake, but certainly the definition of an unnecessary one. It does make for a good hangover movie though, as you won't feel bad taking puke breaks during the movie and possibly missing something.

I must admit, nothing else in today's hangover matters, and all of it was only leading up to the double-decker of oily badass that AMC has starting at 1:00 with First Blood (1982) followed by First Blood Part II (1985) at 3:00. Seriously, I love First Blood, like a wicked lot, and you should too. To show my love, I have provided this photo, which is actually directly to the right of my computer desk and contains the lamp I bought for $2 and Rambo killing mother-fuckers.

Oh, and make sure to watch this teaser. It's so tough, you have to watch it shirtless with a stick of butter rubbed on your chest.

Double pick of the week.

Ugh, why go on after First Blood? Well, SyFy gives us something that might be worth a view with Carny (2009) at 3:00. Clearly, it's set in a carnival, it star's LDP and it actually looks like it might be kind of fun based off this trailer. Carny is also on Netflix instant and is already on my queue, so if I don't watch it today, I may give it a whirl soon. Hay, who knows, it could be good, or it could be Carny! Yup, I did it.

And ending the hangover as far away from Rambo as you can get, we are once again put under the spell of The Craft (1996) at 4:00 on E! I'll save the First Blood and period comparison jokes for some other time…the whole booger thing was enough nasty for one Sunday.

Before I go away and stop alienating you all, I want to congratulate good friend to CNAMB and myself, Cortez the Killer and his new wife, Jennifer. The two of them were wed yesterday, so I can only imagine the hangover that is being had by many that attended the festivities. Good luck kiddies, and Chuck wants you to start working on kids asap!