Great Gift Ideas for: David Lo Pan

Being balls deep in the holidays, many of us are focusing our every effort on last minute gifts items for Christmas. Between friends, family members, co-workers, etc., it seems as if there are always more and more people to shop for as each year passes, and this ever growing number of salivating fiends makes it quite difficult to come up with fresh gift ideas. Now, while it may be tough searching for that perfect gift for your uncle Joe, who doesn't seem to care about anything other than Spike TV, YouPorn and the bottom of a beer can, no one is more difficult to shop for than the cursed evil sorcerer in your life. I mean, you know you can always pick up a few scratch tickets and a special edition Busch bottle opener with Toby Keith's signature engraved on it and ol' uncle Joe will be so thrilled he might even put the feet of his recliner down. David Lo Pan, on the other hand, is much more difficult to satisfy, so as a way to help you get started in the right direction, I have put together this list of gift ideas for the David Lo Pan in your life. 

• Oil of Olay Age Defying Anti-Wrinkle Day Lotion With Sunscreen Broad Spectrum SPF 15: Naturally, David is on a quest to look younger, and he also has very pale skin, which mean he is easily susceptible to burning when out in the sun. This Oil of Olay product will not only help give him the vibrancy he so desires, it will also help protect his fair complexion. 
• A year subscription to eHarmony: With that boring skank Miao Yin out of the picture, Lo Pan simply cannot find the ever lasting love he so desires until he finds himself that one special girl. Preferably a Chinese gal with green eyes who's also skilled as a manicurist, but I believe eHarmony has a filter to help search for those specifics.    
• Sally Hansen Diamond Strength Instant Nail Hardener: If you haven't noticed, David has a few long ass fingernails. They certainly aren't on the Jazz Ison Sinkfield level of grotesquery, but they are long enough to the point where they do need some serious attention to ensure they stay strong and last long.
• Proactiv dark Spot Corrector: Let's face it, when David is in full-on "Lo Pan is the Man" mode, he looks very healthy, with that milky white skin and ability to walk. However, for those days when he's a wheelchair bound David Lo Pan, his face looks pretty jacked up, and this is where the Proactiv can really help him cover up his poop spots.
• $50 Gift Card to Sephora: With his penchant for wearing blue eye shadow, those long fingernails and the incredible amount of powder he puts on his face, Dave clearly has a taste for beauty make-up. Therefore, I think a $50 gift card to Sephora would likely be greatly appreciated. It's nice to let David pick out what he wants, plus it gives him an excuse to go to the mall. He really loves Orange Julius.

I suppose I never realized that shopping for Mr. Lo Pan was sort of like shopping for a lady, but it's tough to keep up with your looks, especially when you're 2,000 something years old. I truly hope this makes at least the shopping you'll have to do for Lo Pan a little easier, and if you have any great gift ideas of your own, please feel free to share them with the rest of us!

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Big Party in Little China Edition!

Hey there you crazy party animals! I am so very happy that you all have once again made it out this Friday for yet another edition of Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! Cue the awesomely fun confetti!! Oh, I got some in my eyes...tee hee! Now, I'm not all that thrilled about doing back to back dance parties (so bad for the liver), but with my access to the interwebs finally arriving today (hip hop hooray!) and it being Friday and all, I guess I'll just have to go ahead and bust out a few pills and open up a couple bottles of the old bubbly, because motownphilly's back again! So, the party must go on as they would say, and who better to crank out the hottest of beats but dj Skele-tone, who after a weeklong hiatus (aka rehab stint) is back in the modda fuckin' saddle! A week off from spinnin' dope beats has inspired Skele-tone to rock something a little different tonight, and I think you are gonna dance your ass off as a result! Come on over to the dance floor and get ready to move dat ass as dj Skele-tone "takes us away" to the super sounds of The Coupe de Villes and their song, Big Trouble in Little China!

Is that Andy Dick that just showed up? Well, that's just great. Hope he doesn't offer to blow me for coke. Again.



Clearly written for the movie of the same name, Big Trouble in Little China was performed and recorded in 1986 by The Coupe de Villes, a band spearheaded by the one and only John Carpenter and consisted of familiar Carpenter contributors Nick Castle, and Tommy Lee Wallace. This is one of the very few occasions that you will see Carpenter without a butt in his mouth, and who knew he had such a dope voice! I love watching Carpenter as he works hard doing some film editing whilst playing guitar and singing his heart out - shows that he is truly dedicated to the arts. My personal favorite is when Lo Pan shoots electricity out of his mouth, and right on through the monitor that Carpenter is playing in front of, but with the power of rock, John deflects the electricity to another scene in the film, keeping him and the rest of his band mates safe from electrical shock! By the way, what are those robes that J.C. is wearing?! Very Egyptian chic. I was waiting for him to start doing a Steve Martin/King Tut imitation! And yes, Nick Castle does look a lot like Adam Sandler in his nappy haired days.

Okay, I could go on and on about the great things in this video as it's one of my favorites, and I am thrilled that Skele-tone picked it out for this Friday's Dance Party. However, I got some serious drinkin' to do, and if I don't start dropping some Spanish fly in a few drinks soon, I aint gettin' laid tonight - then I would be forced to take up Andy Dick on his offer...never a good thing I might add. Have fun folks, and see you next week!

"Big Trouble in Little China may not be as great as Halloween, The Thing, or even Prince of Darkness, but I bet it still wasn't cheap to make. You could use payday loans to help fund your next movie or music video."