Showing posts with label Valerie Blake. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Valerie Blake. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Blastfighter

Lamberto Bava's Blastfighter is a film I half expected to be a Sci Fi movie based off the title Blastfighter, but this 1984 Lamberto Bava film is as far from a Science Fiction film as you can possibly get. It shouldn't be much of a surprise that the movie would come off as a film of that genre as it was originally planned to be a Sci Fi action flick, but budgets and the usual jazz kept all of that from happening.

The main character in Blastfighter is Jake "Tiger" Sharp (Michael Sopkiw), an ex-cop who was convicted and served 7 years in prison for killing the man that murdered his wife. Jake is a complex man, filled with all the attributes to contend for the heart of any woman, or any man for that matter.

He is a man that is not only strong...

...he is a deep thinker with a golden mane like a lion (or a tiger I suppose)

He can be deer friend...

...while having the ability to show his sensitive side without fear of the trees judging him

But if you cross him, he will fuck your sweaty ass up. Period.

Blastfighter is set entirely in the woods...yet a good portion of the music sounds like something you would hear at a generic lazer (I'll be spelling laser with a Z for added edge) light show…meaning, it's awesome. There is some other great music in Blastfighter and it comes in the form of the pretty country song, Evening Star by Tommie Baby (I could only find the Bee Gees version...mah bad.). Nothing quite says kick ass Italian action movie like a little good ol' country music!

These woods are the perfect setting for "Jake" to chill out at since all he really wants in life is to be left alone. Only issue is the local yahoos seem to enjoy giving Jake a hard time because he doesn't agree with their inhumane hunting tactics. All of these jerk-off hicks that are messing around with Jake, just so happen to work for an old friend from Jake's past...

That man is non other than, George Eastman, who plays a character named...Tom?

Seriously...Tom? Not Brawny, or Bull Mastiff, or even Battle Axe? A man of this stature deserves a tougher name, that's for sure.

With a beard that could make love all by itself, "Tom" is not just any mere mortal...he is a man that can rock an impressive yellow and black flannel and still look intimidating.

This is a guy that need not require simplistic transportation like cars or bicycles, he is a man that can only roll one way and that is in a helicopter. A helicopter that is orange, yellow, and brown. Those are great colors for the Fall, by the way and they do go very well with his lumberjack attire, showing his keen Caldor fashion sensibilities.

Jake unwillingly makes acquaintance with Connie (Valerie Blake), who we quickly learn is more than just some bangin' broad, but someone important that has come from Jake's past. Together, Jake and Connie have a few run-ins with the dirtball country bumpkins and what results is a game of survival for the two characters, that would eventually takes a deadly turn.

Jake is forced to go back to a past he never wanted to again...he must become Jake "Tiger" Sharp if he wants to protect Connie and himself. One thing I didn't mention about Blastfighter is the weapon that would be the titular draw of the film, but it is only briefly introduced in the opening of the film and doesn't show up again until 1 hour and 16 minutes into the movie!

But when this wicked weapon is finally unleashed, oh boy is it time to bring the pain! Fed up with being pushed around, "Tiger" is ready to show these hillbilly hoes what he is capable of with his Blastfighter gun!
Now, this is a badass gun, it shoots bullets, grenades, smoke bombs, shit, I think it may even fire a Peter North load this thing is so versatile and manly. Don't believe me?

Check out these results...

Can't get that damage out of any old gun, now can you?

Hope you brought some marshmallows...bitch.

In the end, Blastfighter is a Rambo ripoff, but a good one and even though there is no use of the sick firearm that Jake is given at the beginning of the film, there is plenty of action to hold you over until the inevitable explosive finally. Plus, you can't go wrong with an airborne Eastman in flannel and Sopkiw with his gorgeous wavy hair and intense mustache.

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