Salute Your Shorts: The Initiation (2010)

While spending his Halloween trick-or-treating all by himself, the new kid in town runs into some local kids who immediately talk him into stealing a jack-o'-lantern. Despite the risk, doing so would make him an automatic member of their gang (of two), which means no one would mess with him. As simple as stealing a jack-o’-lantern may seem for the young boy, it may come at a steep price.

Coming in at just under three minutes, The Initiation is a very straightforward short film that actually suffers from being too straightforward. Where the short fails most is in how it neglects to deliver a twist of some sort, which is quite unfortunate, as a twist – no matter how big or small – is what one would expect from a short film set on Halloween. As a result, the resolution feels a little lazy and certainly too simplistic to be satisfying.

The short is clearly a no-budget affair, which is probably most obvious from some of the acting, which is well below amateurish. While I can certainly forgive poor acting in a project such as this, it wouldn’t have hurt the filmmakers to maybe shoot a few more takes for the numerous flubbed lines one specific actor delivers.

Overall The Initiation is only three minutes long, so you're really not wasting too much time if you want to give it a watch. At the same time, however, it's kind of difficult to recommend watching such a bland short film even with such a short runtime. Quite frankly, The Initiation is not in any way, shape or form a memorable experience, let alone one worth having. 

Bad Trick Or Treat Ideas: Canned Goods

If there’s one thing I’m NOT doing on Halloween night, it’s collecting cans for the homeless. I am, however, at your front door begging – BEGGING – for treats. If you think a can of Progresso Reduced Sodium Italian-Style Wedding with Meatballs is gonna cut the mustard, you’re dead wrong. If you plan on passing out a few cans of baked beans because you were too lazy to go to the store and pick up some candy, just remember this: canned goods are perfect for breaking car windows. Especially yours. While you’re driving. On the highway. 

Goosebumps At 33: Night of the Living Dummy II

Previously on Goosebumps At 33…

Well hello there, spoils and gruels! I’m excited to welcome you back to yet another season of Goosebumps At 33! We are now in our 6th season of this silly segment, which only begs the question: who would’ve thought I’d milk this dead cow for so long?! Milked to death or not, this season of Goosebumps At 33 is sure to be LEGENDARY!! Or at least mediocre. Maybe somewhere in between there. Either way, it’s sure to be something.  

In any event, for any of you who aren’t sure what this segment is all about, I encourage you to hit up this introductory post for more info. For the rest of you warriors, grab yourself a couple wine coolers, pull up a seat and settle in as I tell you the horrific tale of…

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DUMMY II!

After her dummy breaks one too many times, a young ventriloquist named Amy (Maggie Castle) receives a new one from her parents. Well, it’s not actually a “new” dummy, as Amy’s parents bought it at a pawn shop. Because their daughter is worth nothing more. In any event, the dummy, who goes by the name Slappy,  happens to be alive and begins wreaking havoc for Amy and her family. Naturally, Amy is the fall guy for all the shenanigans that Slappy pulls, as her parents and siblings refuse to believe her stories about Slappy being the cause of all the problems. As bad as all of this is, Amy’s also a pre-teen ventriloquist, which ensures a life of ridicule and loneliness, something of which she has clearly accepted based on her penchant for wearing overalls.

What’s immediately obvious from the onset of Night of the Living Dummy II (or Night of the Living Dummy 2, if you’re not vain) this family is, like, THE WEIRDEST. For example, the episode opens with Amy and her siblings participating in show and tell with their parents. Okay, now, who has show and tell with their parents and not at school? They’re their parents! They already know all the dumb crap their kids have! The next day, the dad plays “If You're Happy and You Know It” on guitar and sings it for the entire family, in the living room, while wearing a cowboy hat and a vest. What kind of family does this type of crap? The Duggars? People who partake sister wivery? As it turns out, it’s all part of what this creepy family calls “The Family Night Stage.” Let’s face it, it should probably just be renamed The Socially Awkward Kids Will Live Alone and Die Alone Only to Have Their Cats Eat Their Rotting Corpse After They've Passed Stage.

In any event, it’s during "The Family Night Stage" where Amy is given the opportunity to show off her badass new ventriloquist skills. Shortly after she begins, however, Slappy takes over the performance and starts dissing each member of the family. This doesn’t go over well in such a clean-cut and controlling household, so Amy’s pretty much getting all sorts of shade tossed her way. From there, Slappy causes a number of problems for the family, and in a variety of ways, and of course everyone blames Amy for everything that's happening. As things begin to escalate into possible violence, however, Amy comes to realize that she must figure out how she can put an end to Slappy’s reign of terror before someone is hurt.

Airing on January 12, 1996, Night of the Living Dummy II is certainly a notable episode of Goosebumps for being the celluloid introduction of one of the most beloved characters from the book series, Slappy. What’s interesting about Night of the Living Dummy II is the fact that it is the first appearance of Slappy while being a sequel, and this is because Night of the Living Dummy was never adapted into an episode. The reasons for this are unknown, or at least I wasn’t able to find one. Regardless, despite being a sequel, Night of the Living Dummy II stands on its own as a story, and a mostly satisfying one at that. 

Slappy is the perfect type of villain character for a scary children’s story, as ventriloquist’s dummies are inherently creepy, and are so without even having to try. While not nearly as effective to an adult such as myself who is watching Night of the Living Dummy II for the first time, I know from experience that Slappy was and is likely quite frightening to children. I too was somewhat afraid of ventriloquist's dummies as a kid, and that was a direct result of a short film simply titled The Dummy, which used to air on the USA network.

Nevertheless, Night of the Living Dummy II is an enjoyable episode of Goosebumps, and most definitely a fun way to start off a brand new season of Goosebumps At 33!

Until next time, kiddies, keep your nightlight on and your head under the covers…

Salute Your Shorts: Flicker (2013)

It’s Halloween night, and shortly after stealing a jack-’o-lantern off a scarecrow, a young girl learns from a friend that the jack-’o-lantern is cursed. Naturally, the young girl doesn’t believe her friend, and proceeds paint and even mock the jack-’o-lantern as she waits for her friends to come over so they can see her new prized possession. When her friends don’t show up on time, however, the girl finds herself stuck in the house alone as strange things begin to happen. Was her friend right about the jack-’o-lantern being cursed, or is she just being a little paranoid on this frightful Halloween night?

Written & Directed by Robert Zellner, Flicker does a nice job of building tension through camerawork, music and pacing. There’s a sinister feel throughout the piece, but not in a fashion that’s mean spirited, though it’s certainly in a way that is very fitting to the Halloween season. In terms of tone, Flicker feels very much inline with something that you’d see in an episode of Goosebumps, though on a much shorter and cheaper scale.

The 7 minute short is bookended by some minimal stop-motion animation of the scarecrow, which is possibly the most impressive element of the short. There’s not a lot of movement involved, but these moments work as nice and simple visual treat that adds value to the overall package.  

Flicker is cheaply made and a tad silly, but it's a fun watch and it's heart is certainly in the right place, which is really all that matters in a short film of this nature.

The Houses October Built (2014): This Old Haunted House

Five friends go on a road trip to find the most extreme haunted houses in America, all while hoping to uncover and document something more sinister than your average haunt. While the group come across a few creepy things along the way, their trip turns up very little outside of sporadic rumors about a traveling haunt that is considered the craziest of them all. As they increase their search for this mysterious haunt, things start to take a dangerous turn when a group of very disturbed people begins to mess with them, putting the friends in a situation far more intense than they had ever anticipated. 

Directed by Bobby Roe, The Houses October Built is a found footage style horror flick that does little to differentiate itself from the pack in terms of execution. Where the film does sometimes excel, however, is in its overall concept and some of the ideas that are able to bleed through the thick layer of predictability.

The film is essentially a documented look at a group of friends as they travel from haunt to haunt, all the while trying to gain some insight into what makes some of the people who work at these things tick. For some, working at a haunted house is a fun and thrilling way to spend the Halloween season, while there are others who could potentially use the platform as a way to work out some anger on unsuspecting patrons. Throughout the film, the group of friends hear stories about how there’s always the chance that some haunted house employees could be a danger, and no one would know beforehand as there are no pre-employment background checks and other things of that nature. Furthermore, and this is specific to the Midwest locations in the film, many of these haunts are located in very rural areas, where sometimes things can be, well, a tad sketchy.

One of the more frightening elements of The Houses October Built is the fact that it’s difficult to differentiate between what situations and people are actually dangerous and what aren’t. They’re dealing with haunted houses, after all, and the actors at these haunts – especially at some of the more successful ones – will very rarely break character. In fact, many times they’ll do whatever it takes to scare a person, short of harming them of course. Or at least that’s what we hope. The truth of the matter is, you really never know what lengths people will go to mess with you, let alone how far they'll actually go. Worse yet, who’s to stop them before it’s too late?

As far as the cast is concerned, the five friends have a very natural rapport with one another, which is likely due to them being friends in real life. While they’re able to play off one another in a natural and realistic fashion, they're not exactly the most fleshed out group of people, let alone the most likable. There's a certain level of disrespect and ignorance a few individuals give off at times – especially in terms of how they look down on the “backwoods” people who are running these haunts –  and that is exactly what puts them in such a rough situation with the locals. Are they so bad as characters that they deserve to be terrorized in the fashion that they are? Not in the least, but it's not always about what one deserves, especially within the confines of a horror film.

An unfortunate component of The Houses October Built is the naivety that plagues the five main characters as a collective. As events unfold throughout the film, at some point one would assume these characters would see enough warning signs to pack up and head the hell home, no matter what anyone else says. It's certainly a trait attributed to found footage films – specifically the one character constantly talking everyone into seeing this thing through to the end, no matter how sketchy things may get – and it's a fairly frustrating element at times, especially in the final act.  

One of the more enjoyable elements of The Houses October Built are the haunted attractions the characters visit. Not only does the film do a good job of showing how effective a haunted house can be – especially a really good one – it conveys the enjoyment that can come from being in such a freak show like atmosphere. It certainly works much better than the unnecessary strip club scene that serves no other purpose than to fit some obnoxiously fake boobies into the film.

The Houses October Built is a fairly predictable affair and certainly simplistic in terms of narrative, but it builds tension by presenting a situation that, while a tad far fetched, is plausible. At least in terms of the unsafe situations in which the naive characters put themselves in. If only the film could have fleshed out its ideas a little more proficiently and made better use of some of the more effective imagery – such as the little girl in the white mask, who is utterly frightening. As a result, The Houses October Built is nothing more than a minor and slightly stale treat to be enjoyed around the Halloween season, and nothing more.

 

Bleeding Rainbow: Pumpkin Cinema (2014)

For many, one of the highlights of the Halloween season is indulging in an endless variety of horror films. Whether you’re someone like myself, who uses the season as an excuse to go all out and watch as many horror movies as possible, or the average person simply looking for a few good scares, horror films are as important to Halloween as pumpkins and trick or treating. If there’s one thing that both the hardcore horror fans and casual viewers have in common, outside of the desire to watch a horror movie, it’s the fact that a major decision must be made: what movie should I/we watch?

This is where Pumpkin Cinema: The Best Movies for Halloween comes in.

With over 100 movie recommendations, Pumpkin Cinema promises “to make your Halloween fun and frightening,” by ensuring that you won’t waste any of your precious Halloween time on crappy movies. Author Nathaniel Tolle does so by setting down some basic guidelines: the films included are fast paced, they either take place on Halloween or during the fall season, they’re under two hours long, and they aren’t mean-spirited and cruel. So something like Martyrs is out of the question. I’ve always considered that one a Christmas film anyway.

Outside of an introduction, Pumpkin Cinema is broken down into 4 sections: Fun-Sized Films and Creepy, Crawly Compilations, which looks at a number of shorter Halloween offerings, including specials such as It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and Witch's Night Out as well as film compilations like Boogeymen: The Killer Compilation and Terror in the Aisles. Halloween on the Small Screen: The Best Television Episodes and Specials is focused on a variety of special Halloween episodes for television shows such as The Facts of Life, Martin and the master of Halloween herself, Roseanne. The Attack of the Top 5 Lists features a number of top 5 lists for anyone looking for something specific like Vincent Price movies, films featuring ghosts and other things of that nature.

The fourth and most important section of Pumpkin Cinema belongs to Feature-Length Flicks-a-Fright that Go Bump in the Night. Taking up a majority of the book’s 176 pages, this section features reviews for a variety of feature-length movies, covering everything from Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein and Ernest Scared Stupid to Black Sunday and Troll 2.

Throughout the book, it’s clear that Tolle has a true love and passion for his subject matter, and this comes through in his writing and painstaking dedication to putting it all together. The magic of Halloween courses through the book, as Tolle’s words convey the innocence and nostalgia that comes with the season for many of us who gleefully take in every ounce of Halloween horror possible. Pumpkin Cinema is, quite simply, the perfect guide for all of your Halloween horror needs, no matter how different they may be from one person to the next. Whether you’re a seasoned horror fan, a group of tween girls or even a family looking for a safe scare, Pumpkin Cinema truly has something for everyone to choose from.

Chucktober 7: H2-Oh Snap!

Welcome back, toys and squirrels, to the 7th annual celebration known as Chucktober! Seeing as this is the 7th year (which is only 3 years away from 10, so that makes it special), I’ve put all my effort into ensuring this is the best Chucktober yet! Or, at the very least, the seventh best.

In any event, the lineup for this Chucktober is packed, stacked and ready to attack, so take a moment to see what I have in store for you!

It’s okay if you cry… it’s a lot to take in. And really, you’re a little unstable, so I had a feeling that this would happen. Here, have some orange juice… you good? Okay, then…

LET’S GET THIS CHUCKTOBER STARTED RIGHT!

A Little Pumpkin of Our Own

First of all, I want to wish you all a happy Halloween! I hope that you are able to enjoy the day of darkness to its fullest, and I also hope that you have enjoyed all the Chucktober festivities that I have provided for you throughout the month. I know it’s been a blast for me, and I am quite sad to see it all come to an end.

In any event, while wishing you a happy Halloween is a high priority, there are more important matters to deal with, specifically the birth of HALLOWBABY!!

Clara Emily House (aka my daughter) was brought into the world by my incredible (and tough as nails) mail order bride on Saturday, October 25 at 5:16 AM. Naturally, the birth of my first child is overwhelmingly amazing, and it doesn’t hurt things that she came during my favorite time of the year. It only makes the Halloween season even more special to me, and I look forward to years of Halloween themed birthday parties.

Alright, I am completely exhausted, so I don’t have the energy to keep on babbling. Once again, I hope you all have a fantastic Halloween, and please feel free to send my daughter gifts. She loves Amazon gift cards.

Rocktober Blood (1984): Death By Falsetto

After going on a killing spree that resulted in the death of “25 rock and rollers,” musician Billy “Eye” Harper (Tray Loren) is sentenced to death. Two years later, Billy is back to take revenge on the sole survivor of his murder spree and key witness in his sentencing, Lynn (Donna Scoggins), just as she is about to go on tour with the remaining members of Billy’s old band. 

Directed by Beverly Sebastian (who also co-wrote with husband Ferd Sebastian), Rocktober Blood is completely driven by its time period. Wood paneling, random acts of aerobics, Jacuzzis, and hanging plants abound, Rocktober Blood is about as ‘80s as one film can possibly get, especially when you mix in a heavy dose of blissful falsetto. And it is this falsetto that really kicks the film off on the right foot, as right off the bat we are subjected to a recording studio performance by Billy, wherein he knocks out a batch of falsetto so intense, I needed a towel dry afterwards.  

The majority of Rocktober Blood focuses on Lynn as she prepares to kick off her band’s big Rocktober Blood tour, which consists of her taking baths, “taking Jacuzzis” and being stalked by Billy, who is seemingly back from the dead. These sporadic run-ins with Billy are a great concern for Lynn, but seeing as Billy was executed years earlier, everyone just assumes that she is simply cracking under pressure. Regardless of Lynn’s sanity, or lack thereof, someone is indeed messing with her, and whether or not it’s actually Billy or someone posing as Billy, people are getting killed along the way.

As a slasher film, Rocktober Blood hits a number of stereotypical slasher notes, albeit in an enjoyably silly fashion. There’s plenty of nudity, most of which is relegated to Scoggins, who is quite attractive despite her shockingly white ass. She certainly brings her tan line A-game. There’s some stalking, some obscene phone calls and a handful of decent kills, one of my personal favorites being a hot iron-to-the-throat, which apparently results in immediate death. Of course, what B-grade ‘80s heavy metal slasher flick would be complete without some insanely bad/amazing dialogue?! As shown in the following examples, Rocktober Blood most certainly delivers in this department:

Lynn: "We're are you going?”

Billy: “I got a hot date tonight.”

Lynn: “At 4:30 in the morning?”

Billy: “What can I say, she wants my bod.”

The Killer: "I want your hot, steamy pussy blood all over my face."

Lynn: “I think I am going to go take a Jacuzzi.”

Like, seriously, who takes a Jacuzzi? I take an aspirin. I take a shit, but I don’t “take” a Jacuzzi.

In any event, where Rocktober Blood flows strongest is in the musical performances that bookend the film. Unfortunately, however, outside of the incredible Billy “Eye” falsetto opening and the film’s finale, there aren’t many, if any, musical performances, which is a little unfortunate.Thankfully, the finale makes up for this by being the clear highlight of the film, in that it features a Grand Guignolesque stage performance where the killer – hidden beneath a mask – sings his heart out as he slays scantily-clad female stage performers. Naturally, considering the overall horror theme of the stage show, the audience and even the band members believe this to all be a part of the show, when in all reality people are actually being murdered on stage.

While lacking the qualities necessary in making what one would consider a good movie, Rocktober Blood is a thoroughly enjoyable entry into the heavy metal horror sub-genre and certainly a must see for anyone who enjoys a little ‘80s cheese. At the very least, the awesome Sorcery soundtrack should give you something to chew on for a few days, as that’s about how long the song “Rainbow Eyes” will be bouncing around in your head.

Bad Trick or Treat Ideas: Candy Corn

Candy Corn: that white, orange and yellow “treat” that makes an appearance every Halloween season has become the bane of numerous people across this great country. Year after year, Candy Corn shows up in countless homes, only to be discarded after sitting in a dusty glass dish three months after Halloween has passed.

Made up entirely of corn syrup and sugar, no other candy is associated with Halloween more than Candy Corn.

Wait a second... let’s break that fact down a bit:

• “Made up entirely of corn syrup and sugar” - Corn syrup and sugar happen to be two ingredients that I love.

• “No other candy is associated with Halloween more than Candy Corn.” - Hey, I love Halloween and everything about it!

Actually, you know what? I like candy corn. From it’s eye-appealing Fall colors to its sugary ingredients, Candy Corn is the candy manifestation of Halloween. Show some respect, ya filthy animal!

The Ultimate Halloween Party Music MEGA-MIX!

Halloween is right around the corner, or should I say coroner, so I think it’s about time to get this party not only started right, but quickly as well! And what better way to kick off a party of the Halloween variety is by warming up your sexy parts and digging into this Ultimate Halloween Party Music MEGA-MIX that I put together last Halloween?! The answer is there is no other way. Well, unless you take ecstasy and dance through a field of bedazzled pumpkins to the sounds of Enya. That might be a tad better.

In any, I added some new videos as well as removed a few to make this playlist an even more enjoyable MEGA-MIX, so if you and your friends (or cats) are planning a super pajama jammy jam, then I implore you to get ready to rock the night away as the days count down to Halloween!   

Goosebumps At 33: The Return of the Mummy

Return of the Mummy!

While visiting his cousin Sari (Annick Obonsawin) and uncle Ben (Elias Zarou) in Egypt, young Gabe (Daniel DeSanto) finds himself in for the ultimate adventure, filled with thrills, chills, spills, and endless refills! Okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but I had some serious momentum going on and simply couldn’t hit the brakes. Anyway, Gabe’s uncle Ben just so happens to be an archeologist, so during his Summer break, Gabe is joining both his uncle Ben and cousin Sari on an important archeological dig with the intent of unearthing the tomb of Prince Khor-Ru. 

Being a complete doofus, Gabe somehow becomes separated from Ben and Sari while inside the tomb. This causes Gabe to take a complete bitch turn, as he proceeds to scream and cry like a child. It’s pretty annoying, especially considering that Gabe is definitely going through puberty. At least that’s what his screeching bitch voice indicates. In any event, during his crying bout, Gabe accidentally stumbles upon the tomb of Prince Khor-Ru, which causes him to cry some more.

Soon enough, Gabe is reunited with Ben and Sari, which gives Sari – who has the face of an 80-year-old woman, but is actually about nine – ample opportunity to make fun of Gabe for being such a crying crybaby who cries all the time. Now, it’s typical in the Goosebumps mythos for a younger kid to make fun of an older kid. And more often than not, it’s a young girl making fun of an older boy, which is emasculating on so many levels. However, when you’re a corny-ass, crybaby like Gabe, you totes deserve it.

In any event, Gabe and Sari eventually find themselves separated from uncle Ben and some random reporter lady who serves a purpose of some sort. This leads to Gabe and Sari coming face-to-face with the titular creature, and from there things get wet and wild, as the mummy begins to unwrap himself and pour baby oil all over his well-preserved bod. It’s totally erotic. Anyway, at some point there’s a reveal involving the Prince Kohr-Ru’s sister who is trying to resurrect him for some reason that I didn't quite understand. After the whole baby oil thing, I was simply too distracted to maintain any sense of comprehension.

Overall a solidly enjoyable episode, the clear standout in The Return of the Mummy is its Egyptian setting. Per my experience, the world of Goosebumps is relegated to suburban neighborhoods, high schools, crack houses. or wherever you might find your average preteen, so it’s refreshing to see such a vastly different setting. It’s also nice seeing another classic movie monster make an appearance on the show. And outside of the weird tan lines beneath his tattered wraps, the mummy looks fantastic.

That about does it for the fifth season of Goosebumps at 33. Hopefully all you fine ladies and gents enjoyed this year’s batch of reviews as much as I did, and I really look forward to Goosebumpin’ n’ grindin’ with you again next year!

Until next time, kiddies, keep your night light on and your head under the covers...

Salute Your Shorts: Boo (2010)

“Ghosts can do a lot of cool stuff!”

It's Halloween night, and a babysitter (Eliza Skinner) is spending her evening passing out candy to trick-or-treaters. Unfortunately, however, the candy she is stuck passing out are raisins, which doesn't go over very well with the trick-or-treaters (let alone me). In an attempt to no longer be the jerk passing out raisins to kids on Halloween, the babysitter calls the homeowner to see if she has anything else to pass out, but is soon disconnected.

Soon after, a trick-or-treater dressed up as a ghost (Andrew Katz) shows up at her door. But this isn’t your normal trick-or-treater, however, as this ghost is actually floating. Furthermore, the ghost has the ability to disappear and reappear at will, which the babysitter concludes is nothing more than a cool trick. While the babysitter is mildly entertained by this strange trick-or-treater at first, concern quickly creeps in as the ghost begins playing multiple pranks on her, mostly being relegated to flaming bags of poop.  

Written and directed by Michael J. Goldberg, Boo is a genuinely funny short horror comedy that nicely mixes toilet humor and cuteness. Coming in at a hair under 12 minutes, Boo is a nicely put together short and features some great special effects. The biggest standout, however, comes in the form of a good comedic performance by both the short’s leads, Eliza Skinner and Andrew Katz. Despite being a human and ghost interaction, the two actors are somehow able to convey some good chemistry, which makes their on-screen back-and-forth quite entertaining.  

Give her a watch below, and remember, raisins suck.

Fun Size (2012): Half-Wrapped

It’s Halloween day, and Wren (Victoria Justice) has been invited to a party by the hottest guy in school. Unfortunately, Wren is stuck having to babysit her little brother, Albert (Jackson Nicoll), putting the kibosh on any party plans she may have. That’s only the beginning of Wren’s problems, however, as later on in the evening, Albert goes missing while they are out trick-or-treating. Joined by her best friend April (Jane Levy), Wren recruits two school nerds, Roosevelt (Thomas Mann) and Peng (Osric Chau), to help her find Albert before her mother discovers that he’s missing. What ensues is a wild night filled with excitement, danger and even a little romance, resulting in an evening where fun has no size. I don’t know what that last part means.  

Written by Max Werner and directed by Josh Schwartz, Fun Size is clearly an attempt to recreate the teen adventure comedies of the 1980s, and while the film has its heart in the right place, the results are ultimately mixed. The film mainly focuses on Wren, a hip hop loving bookworm who’s going through some growing pains after her father passed away a year earlier, something of which has also left a negative effect on her entire family. Wren’s mother (Chelsea Handler) is dealing with the grieving process by dating a 25-year-old guy, whereas her younger brother, Albert, hasn't spoken a single word in over a year.

These character archetypes are far from original, especially within the dynamic of the film as a whole. Each character’s arch basically serves as an intertwining subplot of the film, with time dedicated to Wren trying to find Albert, while Albert is out having what is basically the adventure of a lifetime, something of which leads to the best moments of the film. All the while, Wren and Albert’s mother is off at a party with her 25-year-old boyfriend, which leads to some moderately uninteresting moments of clarity for her character.

The adventure elements aren't as adventurous as one would like. The film’s also quite simple-minded and far from challenging to the viewer, and kids film or not, that's not an acceptable attribute. With that being said, however, Fun Size is still a fairly enjoyable watch, despite its many prominent issues. While things are lacking in the adventure department, the moments with Albert – who spends much of his evening playing pranks with his new buddy, a lonely convenience store employee named Fuzzy (Thomas Middleditch) – are fairly enjoyable to watch. I think what works about these moments is the slightly charming and often humorous relationship between Albert and Fuzzy.

Where Fun Size is most successful is the way in which it delivers on the Halloween goods, and let’s face it, that’s why we’re all here. Well, at least me. In any event, Fun Size goes all out with the Halloween decorations, as each and every home is awesomely (and unrealistically) decorated to the hilt, and the streets are filled with hundreds of children out enjoying an evening of trick or treat. It’s over-the-top and unrealistic in every sense, but I simply adore it and truly wish this was how Halloween was in every single neighborhood across the country.

Aside from being pandering and formulaic, the Halloween infused charm and occasional wit of Fun Size is enough to make it an enjoyable enough watch. It’s no secret that I'm a complete sucker for any movie or television show with scenes featuring a number of children out trick-or-treating on a well decorated street. I also understand that this component does more for me than maybe it should. The Halloween aesthetic certainly softens me up, leaving me quite vulnerable to enjoying movies more than I normally would, something of which I am not at all ashamed of.

"People Are Talking" Halloween TV Special featuring Steve Vertlieb

While wandering the crowded halls of YouTube recently, I came across this enjoyable Halloween special that aired sometime in the early 1980s (maybe ‘81 or ‘82). The show in question, People Are Talking, was hosted by Richard Bey, and this particular episode features a genuinely interesting interview with film journalist and historian Steve Vertlieb.

One thing that I enjoy about this special, specifically the interview with Vertlieb, is the fact that horror films aren’t being chastised, something of which was very common for this type of show during the time period. Instead, this interview and the special as a whole is more of a celebration of what makes horror enjoyable for people of all ages. There is some discussion about how horror evolves to reflect modern society as well as how horror films can be a positive escape for some people.

Now, that’s not to say there isn’t an obvious undercurrent of fear and trepidation about the genre in question, which is most obvious when the conversation turns to snuff films, a topic that is delved into when a caller asks if Tobe Hooper’s The Funhouse was indeed one of these snuff films. The thought that this caller actually believed that people were being murdered in The Funhouse because the deaths looked so real is absolutely bananas, though it is also very reflective of the times. On a side note, the look on Richard Bey’s face as Vertlieb talks about snuff films is priceless.

The special also features some great moments in which audience members share what scenes from horror films have frightened them the most. It’s hard not to smile as middle-age moms talk about House of Wax and Creepshow. Also strewn throughout the special are clips from films such as Tales of Terror and Carpenter’s Halloween as well as random check-ins on an audience member having some “horror makeup” applied to her face.  

While the video runs over 12 min long, unfortunately it is not complete, as the special is cut off at the first commercial break. Regardless, there’s more than enough here to enjoy for horror fans and those of us who love Halloween, so I highly encourage you to give it a watch. 

Goosebumps At 33: My Hairiest Adventure

My Hairiest Adventure!

When first introduced to Larry (Andrew Bartkiw), he is being chased down by a pack of wild dogs. As this is happening, Larry – as heard through a voiceover – complains about how asinine it is that dogs are considered man's best friend. He then goes on to complain that he has allergies, which only leads me to one conclusion: Larry is a real asshole.

After being chased around by the vicious creatures for a bit, Larry decides to climb a tree to get away from the dogs. Larry’s moment of relief is short-lived, however, as the tree branch he’s sitting on breaks, even though it’s like 13” around. Oddly, though, when Larry lands on the ground, the dogs don’t attack him. In fact, they simply sit there staring at him like he's an asshole. Because he is an asshole, and dogs can sense that kind of shit.

At some point, Larry’s friend Lily (Courtney Greig) rescues Larry from the dogs that aren't attacking him. And thankfully so, as without Larry, I wouldn’t have been given the opportunity to witness the greatest garage band practice scene of all time. We’re talking a keyboard solo performed with a gusto not seen since Elissa in the masterful thriller #HATES. 

After the band finishes rocking the afternoon away, one of Larry’s band mates finds an old bottle of tanning lotion. Immediately the band has a serious discussion about how getting nice and tan would really help them make a great impression for an upcoming audition, so they proceed to rub the tanning lotion all over their skin. Because that’s what you do when you find a random bottle of old tanning lotion in a garage.  

Soon afterward, Larry notices an inordinate amount of hair growing from the top of his hands. His immediate response is to shave it off; however, the hair almost immediately grows back and eventually spreads up his arms and all over his body. Not that we see his body. I mean, this is a kids show, ya know. Anyway, this newfound hair growth is certainly a concern for Larry, but things get even stranger when his friends begin to go missing. Worse yet, their parents suddenly have absolutely no knowledge of their now missing child’s existence.

Taken from the 26th book in the series, My Hairiest Adventure is a clear nod to the werewolf genre, and like some werewolf tales, there is a clear tie to puberty. Which, in all honesty, seems a little out of place in an episode of Goosebumps. I mean, there’s actually a scene where Larry asks Lily if she’s started to notice any hair growing in strange places after using the tanning oil. If that’s not an inappropriate thing to ask, I don’t know what is. Actually, I do, but I’ll keep that to myself.

Overall, My Hairiest Adventure is a very light episode, in that it’s not all too creepy. Well, minus the whole puberty thing, but that’s a different kind of creepy. If there is one major standout in the episode, however, it’s that Larry is a whiny, angsty, lowlife crybaby. In other words, an asshole. Outside of Larry the asshole and hair in strange places, My Hairiest Adventure is far from a memorable episode of Goosebumps, though it does have one great little payoff that ties in with the shows famous opening. It’s not much of a saving grace, but worthy of note. 

Until next time, kiddies, keep your night light on and your head under the covers...