Of all the many egregiously awful things one can do to a child on Halloween night, none is worse than leaving your front porch light on and ...

Look, I have no beef with whatever you’re into. You do you the best you can, so long as you keep it to yourself. However, the second you ...

If there’s one thing I’m NOT doing on Halloween night, it’s collecting cans for the homeless. I am, however, at your front door begging –...

Candy Corn: that white, orange and yellow “treat” that makes an appearance every Halloween season has become the bane of numerous people a...

Hey, I like popcorn as much as the next person, but trying to pass off 3¢ worth of stale air as a Halloween “treat” is simply unacceptabl...

I love me a freshly baked batch of cookies. An apple pie right out of the oven? No doubt I’m all over that shit. Baked goods are called ‘go...

I get it. You want to be different and hand out something that you think would actually be beneficial to children. You have no desire to pr...

I suppose raisins could count as a fruit ( which we already know is a big no-no! ); however, they do come in a box (with a sexy ass chick o...

Now, to be clear, fun size treats are totally fine, so long as you're handing out at least three pieces of that shit. On the other hand...

WOW! FRUIT! YAY? I mean, you might as well just give me an apple with a razorblade in it. At least I can use the razor to cut your phone li...

Chalk is simply perfect. For blackboards, hop-scotch and marking the position of a dead body, you just can't beat it. As a snack item, ...

Nothing says grubby quite like someone else's slightly warm loose change. Though, if you want to kick the grub factor up a notch, putti...