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Monday, February 27, 2012

CNAMB's Worst Movies of 2011

Well, 2011 may be way over, but I still have a little unfinished business to attend to, and this time it comes in the form of my worst movies of 2011. Unlike some of the films found on lists from previous years, this list of worst isn't quite as bad, I suppose. Though, I do find it incredibly difficult to think any movie can even come close to being as bad as 2009's Wolverine, so I always know I have that going for me right there.


 

 

Exit 33/Eyes in the Dark

Worst Movies of 2011

Moving right along, I made the decision to group the first two films on my list together, and the reason for that being is I find both of them to almost be the same. Not the same in terms of story or delivery, but in how they both affected me as a horror movie fan. Both Exit 33 and Eyes in the Dark aren't exactly the types of films making an appearance on any cinema listings at the local multiplex, but they are, in my opinion, perfect for a few drinks with likeminded friends. Neither of these movie are even close to being "good," but they are truly authentic B-Movies. And while a majority of genre fans would poop all over both of them (and rightfully so), I think there is a chance they will be making a select group of horror fans laugh their asses off in 20 years. With that said, regardless of whether or not I found both Exit 33 and Eyes in the Dark to be kind of fun, it is a necessity that they make some sort of an appearance on this list because they are simply awful, inept and flat out stupid. And I cannot ignore that fact, no matter how bad my taste is. 

 Eyes in the Dark Review

 

Exit 33 Review


 

Insidious

Insidious Worst Movies of 2011

Oh, Insidious… how is it that you, out of so many other great horror films released in 2011, were so successful, while being so incredibly mediocre? A horror film that wasn't a remake or a sequel - but was oh so far from being original outside of its grossly over explained astral projection gimmick - Insidious certainly garnered its fair share of positive attention in 2011 from horror fans. But while it sits firmly on this list of worst films from 2011, and as deservingly scathing as my review was of the movie, I didn't hate the film; I just thought it was utterly unimpressive. I'll give credit where credit is due: I thought there were some nicely put together scenes of nail-biting tension early on in the film, but there was also an obnoxious lack of restraint shown with each of these scenes, and things got progressively worse as the film rolled on. It's too bad, really… I honestly wish I could have loved Insidious, but instead all I got was a film that wouldn't even make my top fifteen horror films of 2011.

Insidious Review


 

George: A Zombie Intervention

It hasn't been all that long since I watched and reviewed the next film on my worst of 2011 list, and, quite frankly, the boredom the film riddled me with is still quite fresh. George: A Zombie Intervention is not a horrible film by any stretch, it's just a pretty boring one. And to top it off, for a movie that is being sold as a zombie comedy, I found it to be far from humorous outside of its initial concept. There are a few funny moments here and there, but George: A Zombie Intervention pushed jokes too far and over-the-top into places that were so completely far from entertaining, let alone funny. Honestly, outside of writing this here list, I feel like I could have never thought about this movie again and been totally okay with it.

George: A Zombie Intervention Review


 

The Roommate

Worst Movies of 2011 The Roommate

Naturally, I had very little in terms of expectations for a film such as The Roommate, and the fact that it couldn't even live up to those expectations says a whole lot about the quality of the film. Helmed by Danish filmmaker, Christian E. Christiansen, a clear gun for hire getting his big break in Hollywood in the worst of ways, The Roommate is certainly the type of film I will often get a kick out of when done right. I love me a hokey obsessed teen/young adult thriller as much as the rest of them. I love how over-the-top they can be; I love how predictable they usually are; and I love the sheer drama of it all. Unfortunately, The Roommate only delivers on one of those aspects, and that comes in the form of how predictable it is. And while I still found that to be marginally entertaining, there was nothing else there to enjoy. Where I think a film like this suffers the most is the lack of sleaze. The film is a little too safe and generic to be anything more than a high-budgeted Lifetime movie, which, in Lifetimes defense, usually delivers the goods on a much better level. The only real thing The Roommate has going for it is it's nice looking cast, specifically Minka Kelly. Though, it's a little hard to get into her too much knowing that she allowed both Derek Jeter and John Mayer to plunge their lame dicks inside of her. Seriously, honey, set some standards for yourself. Babes are a dime a dozen, and so aren't bad, unoriginal, unentertaining thriller with no balls. 


 

 

Columbiana

Worst Movies of 2011 Columbiana

Of all the new films I watched in 2011, I think the award for most unfulfilling has got to go to Columbiana. Directed by Olivier Megaton, Columbiana sucked a megaton of life force right out of me in a way that actually caused me to try and drown myself in my very own toilet. This Luc Besson scripted travesty not only suffers from unoriginality, which can be overlooked for the right reasons, it does not deliver on what it needed to most, the action. All of the actual fight and chase scenes are simply lackluster, unfocused and highly erratic. I saw nothing that I have not seen a million times before, in movies that I probably thought were mediocre at best. If you are trying to sell me on a pseudo-hokey action/revenge/assassin film, then at least give me some decent action scenes. At least Zoe Saldana is nice to look at, but she might even be too skinny for me, a guy who rarely criticizes women for being thin. 


Welp, hope you enjoyed my list, or at least felt some sort of emotion about it. I honestly don't think anyone will give a shit about seeing any one film appear on this list except for maybe Insidious. In that case, I'm sure there are a few out there who are a tad pissed that it's on here, but it is what it is. Who knows what I will think about it in a year or so. Rob Zombie's Halloween 2 was on my scarce worst of 2009 list, and I sorta love that movie now. Really, I do.

21 comments:

  1. I've only seen INSIDIOUS on this list, Matt, and I actually loved it. It scared the hell out of me in places, although there were a couple spots where I thought they went a bit overboard. I'm really looking forward to what Wan does next.

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    1. It certainly was very effective in spots, but it ultimately lost me in the end. That seems to be the case with most of what Wan does; he does so many things so well, but he always seems to throw a little too much into the blender for me. I do honestly think I might warm up to it over time... it's happened to lesser films!

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  2. I think I may have defended INSIDIOUS when you reviewed it. If not, I was definitely a big supporter of it when it came out. However, watching it a month or so ago on DVD, I had a change of heart. The ending doesn't annoy me as much as a lot of people, but what killed it for me the second time around was knowing when all of the scares were gonna happen. The tension is gone, and what you're left with is an incredibly mediocre film. The only other one I've seen on your "worst" list is COLOMBIANA. I didn't think it was so much "bad" as it was extremely dull and way too long.

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    1. Columbiana is definitely dull and overlong, and there was never any pay=off at all. The very end had a cool moment with a bazooka, I think, but that was it.

      It's interesting that you say Insidious doesn't sit well with you a second time around as I thought it might become more enjoyable for me after another viewing. But if the tension, which is the film's strength, is less effective, I cannot imagine I would like it anymore.

      That kind of reminds me a little of House of the Devil, which I have seen three times now. That film had me turning coal into diamonds it was so tense, but a lot of that is lost in subsequent viewings. Regardless, I still really enjoy it on so many other levels that losing that tension doesn't take away from my enjoyment of the film, but it does take away from its effectiveness.

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  3. Aw, I'll stand by Insidious until the day I get lost in Astral Land.

    But The Roommate is the WORST! I saw it drunk in the theater for my birthday last year and was incredibly angry at it, and I"m a really happy drunk!

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    1. Hopefully the day never comes where you have to fight a leather-clad, long-haired, astral plan drifter, Emily!

      And yes, I think you and I both had similar expectations about The Roommate, and it did absolutely nothing to even come close to meeting them.

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  4. wait this was the bad list, i am confused... i love zoe, but she is not a lead... in roles. not that she is not a great actress, but like will ferrell... never a lead except anchorman...

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    1. She's nice to look at and does a fair job in the film, but the whole thing seems pretty much called in.

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  5. I wanna say you're war-crying for the state of cinema, period. But us here are all too smart and cinema savvy to make such essentialist statements. There will always be volumes of shitty movies just like they're always be volumes of good/great ones, oh and everything in between.

    Out of the ones on your list I have seen, the only one I didn't fall asleep on was Insidious. I didn't hate the movie or even like it but it was decent enough. I guess...

    I have no interest in Columbiana because any half-wit can see from the trailer how unoriginal it is.

    All that being said, I secretly do want to see The Roomate. Because it does look horrible. It can't be as bad as Swimfan, can it?

    Maybe I should ask Emily that question...

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    1. Generally, much like what happens with a film like The Roommate, Columbiana is super generic, but sometimes that is sort of the draw. I hope it will be fun enough and entertain in a specific way, but when a film can't even deliver on the meager goods, well, it ends up on this list! More on The Roommate below!

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  6. Oh gosh Ashlee, it's SO MUCH WORSE! A few reasons:

    -Leighton Meester and Minka Kelly look EXACTLY alike, and since nobody filming understands what the word 'light' means, you can never tell who you're looking at.

    -Leighton Meester who's so good at being a bitch on Gossip Girl is a bore here

    -Minka Kelly has the charisma of a button

    -ONE person in teh whole film dies, and you don't meet that person until the end anyway

    -Billy Zane is wasted. WASTED!

    -You never really know why Leighton Meester is crazy

    -There's an unresolved lesbian subplot that doesn't even qualify as existing

    -Nothing that happens at the beginning of the movie matters by the end

    -It is terrible

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    1. I watched the movie on DVD, which wasn't all that long ago, mind you, and it is so forgettable that I completely forgot Zane was even in it! I guess that tells you how wasted he was as a character, especially considering I too love BZ.

      The biggest issue with the movie is that it doesn't go far enough. There needed to be way more sexual tension, and the fact that there is almost no violence whatsoever really takes the punch out of a movie like this.

      It's really a waste of a bad movie, which sounds ironic, but it's true. I would take Swimfart over The Roommate any day.

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  7. I don't think you went far enough with this list. Every film in 2011 was complete and utter crap.

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    1. You didn't like even one single film in 2011?! I think it's one of the better years we've had. I'm curious as to what movies you did see that you didn't like.

      Here's my best of '11, if you want to check it out.
      http://www.chucknorrisatemybaby.com/2012/02/cnamb-best-movies-of-2011.html

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    2. I have one of those lists too: http://www.drbloodsvideovault.com/2011/12/2011-year-in-review.html - Basically, creating it was like choosing to eat the digestible parts of a wino's vomit.

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    3. I actually haven't seen any of the films that you did enjoy, though The Woman has been on my to watch list for some time. Also, as a fan of the series, in all of its flaws, I do really want to see FD5.

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  8. Ohhhhhh! Really guys?! Just reading all this about The Roomate is causing me pain. I thought it would be least like you say Matt, hit minor points then Emily points out in detail that it doesn't. Oh well... and this movie actually made money?!

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    1. You really are better off sitting on the couch watching Lifetime all day, Ashlee. Not saying that's a bad thing, necessarily (or at all!), but one would normally expect more of a Hollywood produced feature film than what is typically shown on the channel! I say skip it.

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  9. The Roommate IS awful. It's Emily's fault I paid Times Square theater prices to see it. God I love her though.
    The movie is abysmal. (But the leads do not look alike. Sorry, Em.)

    Insidious gets worse every time. And yes, I have seen it more than once. (My mom wanted to watch it! You can't say no to your mom!) I don't know how that film is so successful.

    Now I want to watch all these movies, Matt. THANKS! :p

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    1. It sounds like the time spent going to see The Roommate was better than the actual film, which is really what it's all about, but it is always better when the film is actually good!

      And outside of maybe Exit 33 and Eyes in the Dark (both of which you MIGHT enjoy on a ridiculous level), I wouldn't suggest seeing any of these films if you don't have to!

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