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Sunday, May 30, 2010

Denim Demigod

Ever wonder how Chuck Norris is able to throw down dope kicks to foolish suckers while wearing jeans tighter than a Chinese foot binding? It wasn't always easy for the blonde black belt, and for many horrendous years, Chuck suffered from embarrassing crotch rips, shortened kicks and a lack of confidence. Not to be one to take that crap lying down, on a bed of nails, Norris took matters into his own beard and created Action Jeans.

Chuck Norris Action Jeans, made for a man, by a man, these multipurpose Karate-kick jeans are each individually handcrafted by forging steel, human dreams, and a chest hair from Chuck himself, in every pair. As you can see from these lovely adverts, Chuck got his swagger back, he became one with his jean and this gave him the opportunity to create the Norris look, which consisted of bad ass, a form of facial hair, cowboy boots (made of human skin, naturally) and of course, a size too small pair of Action Jeans.     

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This next one should just probably say: If you have a huge cock, like Chuck Norris, go with the Action Designer jeans! Look at his smile (and the close-up cock shot) and you know it's true.

actionjeans3

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13 comments:

  1. The ads certainly demonstrate the horrors of inflation, and i'm not speaking of Chuck's crotchel region.

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  2. Doug: The biggest horror is the lack of Action Jeans in my dresser!

    Aleata: I know, each one of them is so different, yet so completely entertaining!

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  3. If this post had a "Like" button I would totally click on it. Are these pants still available? If so, all I need are a pair of these bad boys and a Wolf shirt and I'll have to carry around a stick to swat all the horny women away.

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  4. These must be the single greatest piece of clothing ever created. They far surpass footed pajamas and silk-lined wool tube socks!

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  5. This is fucking badass! I love how the 3rd advert actually has a victim for him to kick.
    I need to get me a pair! I just hope it will suit my wolf shirt (http://upload.hrhr.se/wolf-tshirt.png)

    April Skye xx

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  6. I imagine, like all things, the secret is gentle spandex.

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  7. Ashlee: I think you'll have to wait till an action god has a tag sale to find a pair!

    Aaron: Naturally, the wolf shirt would have to be two sizes too small also. You know, to match the jeans and their tight fit.

    Emily: Now, imagine if these jeans came footed?! Or if there were Action Footed pajamas?! That's too much to handle.

    April: Wow, that shirt is quite moving in its beauty. I'd have to start working out now to wear it properly...you gotta be buff to rock a shirt like that!

    Emily: Ha, you'd have to get the jeans off of Chuck to find out what the ingredients are!

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  8. Somehow Matt, I don't think getting Chuck out of his pants is that difficult.

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  9. Ha, these ads remind me of the time some kid I knew back in the day wanted to show off his karate moves and ended up splitting the crotch of his jeans, exposing his tighty whities. If that awkward moment wasn't a live commercial for Action Jeans, I don't know what is.

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  10. I need a pair of 'Get Some Action' Jeans. Where can I buy those?

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  11. Emily: A nice piece of ham would work, I am sure. It would for me at least!

    Jeff: It's just so funny that you must wear jeans that are tailor made for the possibile event that you may get into a street brawl.

    "It could happen at any moment, so don't let those cheap Levi's hinder your kick, Action Jeans, never get caught with your pants torn!"

    Etsy: Ha ha! You can borrow mine, but they only work when you carry around a cooler of alcohol with them!

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