Monday, May 31, 2010


That there is a fancy way of saying done, finished, it's all over. Of course, I would be referring to the wonderful Blogathon known as the Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest. I put my contribution up only ten minutes before the "deadline," even though I wrote it at the beginning of the week…I'm such a goof, aren't I? Luckily, mine doesn't count, or I would have won all three prize packs, but that might constitute as cheating? Anyways, I received a nice amount of submissions, which I will be sorting through and posting links to all of them here in a monster-mega-post very very soon. Shortly after that, my unbiased secret judge will be helping with picking the winners, which will be announced by the end of this week. Probably.

I have gotten more than enough submission to keep me from having even been able to read them all still, which is a great thing, so I will be playing a whole lot of catch up in the following days, while trying to keep up with my meditation and Kung-Fu exercises. I'm sure I will do this more than once, but I really want to thank everyone that took the time to write something for this bearded cause. Heck, some people even wrote multiple posts, which is nothing short of awesome if I do say so myself. So thanks again. You all are true baby eaters. Now, watch this clip until you get tired of it. Oh wait, you never will.

Special thanks to Paracinema, The Adventure Company and Wild Eye Releasing for providing some of the dope prizes for this massive contest.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Denim Demigod

Ever wonder how Chuck Norris is able to throw down dope kicks to foolish suckers while wearing jeans tighter than a Chinese foot binding? It wasn't always easy for the blonde black belt, and for many horrendous years, Chuck suffered from embarrassing crotch rips, shortened kicks and a lack of confidence. Not to be one to take that crap lying down, on a bed of nails, Norris took matters into his own beard and created Action Jeans.

Chuck Norris Action Jeans, made for a man, by a man, these multipurpose Karate-kick jeans are each individually handcrafted by forging steel, human dreams, and a chest hair from Chuck himself, in every pair. As you can see from these lovely adverts, Chuck got his swagger back, he became one with his jean and this gave him the opportunity to create the Norris look, which consisted of bad ass, a form of facial hair, cowboy boots (made of human skin, naturally) and of course, a size too small pair of Action Jeans.     

actionjeans actionjeans1 actionjeans2

This next one should just probably say: If you have a huge cock, like Chuck Norris, go with the Action Designer jeans! Look at his smile (and the close-up cock shot) and you know it's true.



The Horror Hangover


After a whack ass schedule last week, this Sunday gives us a line-up worthy of even the most ferocious of hangovers. So if you're feeling the aches and pains of an evening gone drunk, then let me protect you from the pain of having to figure out what is on this afternoon, so you can focus on erasing the memories of who you almost boned last night. 

We'll start our day off with a SyFy animals gone wild, mutated, or whatever scientifically plausible excuse used that makes them eat people, or each other, blowout! First up is Dinocroc (2004) at 9:00, a movie that realizes crocodiles just aren't scary enough on their own, so it may be best to add a little dinosaur in there to spice things up. Funny, aren't crocodiles kind of like dinosaurs? We got any herpetologists reading? If so, maybe you can help with the 11:00 film, Snakehead Terror (2004), about a fish bigger than Shaq with a snake's head for a ummm…head, naturally. Following Snakehead Terror, SyFy then gives us a double dose of my favorite movie monster, the shark, with Spring Break Shark Attack (2005) at 1:00 and Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus (2009) swimming closely behind at 3:00.

Oh, is that SyFy gold not good enough for you? Fine, going back to 10:00, TBS brings the pain with the film that made Jackie Chan a household name, Rumble in the Bronx (1994). It's not one of his best films, and while it's no Super Cop or Drunken Master, Rumble is a blast and fun for a million and one reasons. One of them not being that annoying asshole kid in the wheelchair who cannot stop complaining about his cushion. Seriously, that little prick almost gives Franklin from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre a roll for his money when it comes to most annoying character of all time.

Things don't slow down after that, though, when AMC keeps the Asian action coming with, Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story (1993) at 12:00. Great biopic about a man beyond any praise I am capable of. Jason Scott Lee (who I loved in Mallrats) plays Bruce Lee wonderfully, and even though I have seen this film many times, I can always leave it on and watch it at any point when it plays on television.  

Immediately following Dragon, AMC gives us our final film this afternoon with the tough guy classic, Above the Law (1988) at 2:30. A salt and peppered Henry Silva vs. Steven Seagal before he got fat and developed that special Seagal-sense that he uses to catch criminals in New Orleans. Man, New Orleans is so lucky… 

Not a bad way to go out for this edition of The Horror Hangover, if I do say so myself. Now you have a nice variety of cinema to enjoy, but really it's a choice between Martial Arts movies and cheesy SyFy films. You're welcome.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

RIP Dennis Hopper


A madman's cinematic reign comes to sad end, and even though it was inevitable, it still lessens the blow none whatsoever. Dennis Hopper's battle with prostate cancer was long lasting, but his career and impact on screen outlasted any illness that would become him. Hopper was a true original, he lived his life his way and by his rules, and that is something that translated to his films and his performances…never will there be anyone quite like him. You will be missed Dennis Hopper, and even though you were in the Super Mario Bros. movie, you're still the man, man.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Feel My Nervous Touch Edition!


It's was very difficult not going with an ode to The Touch or Feel My Heat when deciding to let Dirk’s Diggler invade Freddy’s Friday Night Dance Party, but what it comes down to is not missing the chance to show some love for a classic cinematic moment. Paul Thomas Anderson's 1997 masterpiece, Boogie Nights - a film about a boy, his dream, the big dong that made that dream cum true and his eventual downfall – is a favorite of mine, and while there are many wonderful musically driven scenes in the movie, the one that stands out most is the drug deal gone wrong.

Keeping in line with the times, Jessie's Girl - written and performed by Rick Springfield - was a perfect song to use for this scene. It was a major hit when it was released and most anyone would recognize it almost immediately for the 80's memories it induces. Jessie's Girl is a song that I would equate to incredibly corny but slightly infections pop cheese, but as popular as it was in its heyday, this scene from Boogie Nights is so iconic that it almost takes the song and makes it its own. If you are a film fan, you will forever associate Jessie's Girl with Boogie Nights, and that is due to this being such a perfectly executed and memorable scene.

In a way, the song is intrusive to the viewer as well as the characters, as this is a moment that unfolds in such a tense way, that the music is only serving to add a few beats to ones heart rate. There is so much going on for the characters sitting on that couch, so much going through their heads, and the cranked up tape cassette and half naked Alfred Molina dancing around just adds to their level of drugged up stress, which conveys amazingly to the viewer. My favorite moment is the shot that just lingers on Eddie Adams' face - you can see in his eyes that his brain is working overtime - as he is assaulted by the loud music, the disruptive snaps of firecrackers, Rahad dancing around the apartment, the nervous thoughts about ripping off this dangerous dude and being completely coked up to top it all off. Truly brilliant and it all comes together to make one of cinemas most intense scenes as well as one of my personal favorites.     

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Totally Tubular Trailers: Extra Credit

Only one day after posting a bunch of great trailers, thanks to 24 Frames Per Second, this one falls right into my lap. I normally stockpile trailers then decide which ones I like enough to post, but this trailer gets one all to itself. The film is titled I Saw the Devil and is the newest from South Korean director, Kim Ji-woon, the man behind films such as, A Tale of Two Sisters, The Good, the Bad, The Weird and the fantastic, A Bittersweet Life (a film that made my best of the decade list).

isawthedevilKim Ji-woon is one of the best directors out of South Korea and one of the best directors working period. He is the one guy that can go toe to toe with Park Chan-wook, and anything he does will be fully anticipated by me. Making that anticipation hit even greater heights is the cast, which consists of two of the biggest and best that film has to offer, Lee Byung hun and Choi Min-sik. With a double dose of talent and presence like those two, the only thing that is missing is Song Kang-ho…but that would possibly result in the Earth imploding.

isawthedevil1I Saw the Devil is a revenge tale with Lee Byung-hun's character looking to get retribution for the murder of his girlfriend by the hands of a psychotic serial killer, naturally played by Choi Min-sik. Simple enough story but where the films of Kim Ji-woon shine brightest is in the complexity hidden within simplicity, so this film should have a lot to chew on I would assume. Either way, I am rambling on about this trailer, maybe you should just watch it and see just how fantastic this movie looks for yourself.

Does Your Beard Hang Low?

Oh, hey guys! I just wanted to remind everyone that lives in my computer that the Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest is in full swing, so if you were planning on getting down with some Norris action, you have until the end of the week to do so. Well, you can still get down afterwards I suppose, I more or less meant for you to be eligible to win one of many dope ass prize packs. I've already received a decent amount of submissions, so I am super happy for that. If no one were to participate, I would so have cried and thrown a sneaker at my cat's head. I still might if YOU don't get in on the action, so do the right thing and save my pussy from catching a sneaker to the dome piece.


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Totally Tubular Trailers

I have a nice versatile set of trailers for you to check out today, with all of them being of the horror variety, so don't let me keep you any longer…enjoy the show.


First up is the first trailer for the Daniel Stamm directed, cinema vérité horror flick, The Last Exorcism. The film follows a reverend that allows a film crew to document his final exorcism, but while his previous encounters with exorcisms were less than legit, this one would turn out to be 2 legit 2 quit. I don't know what that means, I would guess it's not a good thing, though. This trailer shows a lot of promise, and I am definitely excited for the film…I just hope it gets a wide release when it does come out. Eli Roth's name attached as a producer should be a help, however, Lionsgate has been known to leave a few non-Saw films to rot in limited release hell. We'll find out August of this year.



Next up we have Old Scratch, and no, it's not a film about the genital reaction that J. Howard Marshall had after getting with Anna Nicole Smith, it's actually the newest film from writer/directed Robert Hall. If that name sounds familiar, he is the FX artist that wrote and directed Laid to Rest, a film that I didn't show too much love for in the review I wrote somewhat recently. While I didn't like his other ilm, I would give him another chance and think he might have something decent in him horror wise. Whether or not it will be this one, will remain to be seen, but this trailer is very awesome as is the premise, which has to do with a washed-up musician who plays one of his demo records backwards, resulting in Trick or Treat flashbacks. Well, maybe not that last part. Being a child of the 80's and someone that has more than once played a record backwards to no result, I am all in for giving Hall another shot with Old Scratch. Hope he can deliver the goods this time around.



Hey, what set of horror movie trailers would be complete without at least one zombie film? Played out or not, there are still some pretty dope zombie flicks that come out here and there, and for whatever reason, faith is always stronger when it's a zombie flick of the foreign variety as is the case with Rammbock, a German Zombie film that looks solid, if not slightly familiar to the near horror masterpiece, [REC]. Fantastic trailer for what looks like a nicely crafted film, with a plot not worth going over as it fits the usual infected zombie bill.



One thing we don't get enough of is cannibal films, and I may be wrong, but I think the last one I saw was Ravenous, which was a great movie from my memory of it. We Are What We Are (Somos lo que hay) is a Mexican cannibal film, written and directed by Jorge Michel Grau and follows a family of cannibals that aren't sure how they will survive when their father and provider passes away, leaving them homeless and to find food for themselves. Interesting concept, and I love the idea of questioning the motives of these kids…is doing what they are doing wrong when it is what they know, what they where taught and they know no other way to live? This trailer shows a movie that looks taut, challenging and absolutely gorgeous. 

That's all for now, hope there were some cool trailers for you to ingest, and I would love to hear your thoughts on these upcoming horror films.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Adrien Brody…Scream King?

brody1 It recently dawned on me that Adrien Brody has really started to emerge as a full-fledged genre actor as of late. Since winning an Oscar for his role in Roman Polanski's The Pianist in 2002, he has appeared in numerous horror related films, with some of them being high profile, while others where somewhat less than so. In 2004, he put forth a fabulous performance in The Village, a film that has its issues and its detractors but is one that I personally love. The following year, he popped up in a giant remake of a giant monster movie, with Peter Jackson’s incredibly flawed King Kong, quickly followed by the underrated thriller, The Jacket that same year.

brody2.jpgConsidered terrible by most horror fans, Brody even showed up in an Argento film in 2009 with Giallo, a movie I have yet to see and am really in no rush to either based off what I have heard. Still, it's an Argento movie, and it gives a shred of horror cred to the actor in a way. But what really brings all of this actors work to my attention, is what he has on slate this year alone, with at least two of his films being much anticipated horror movies. The very promising Splice is just around the bend and looks to bring us a type of film we haven't seen in theaters in quite some time. Based off the new TV spots, the movie looks like it will deliver, and I believe that horror fans are pretty excited for the film, as I know I am.

brody What is even more anticipated than Splice is this year’s return of the dreaded one (plus some), with Predators, a movie that is by far one of the highest profile genre films of the year. Even with both of these big horror movies on the horizon, he still has another film due out in 2010 with the remake of 2001's Das Experiment, aptly titled, The Experiment. That's three horror movies in one year, two of which are definitely being released wide like your mom. Now, I think Brody is, most of the time, an excellent actor, and to have him doing as much work in the field of horror as he is doing is a great thing.

In a genre (and medium) that has become overly prettified over the last decade or so, it's nice to see an actor who can act, is respected and slightly awkward looking. Awkward as in, he looks kind of like the horse from Ren & Stimpy. So here's my question to you…is Adrien Brody carving himself a nice little niche as a horror icon, or am I completely crazy?

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Baby Babble: The LAMB Shot Cyrus' Wolf Dork!

No Hangover today, obviously – the line-up was weak but I gots me some other shit to go over with you while you're here.

  • First up is this Teen Wolf MTV series that's been recently announced. While I loved the first film when I was a kid, I have no real interest in anything Teen Wolf related in my life again, but I am interested in what this show is going to be like for some reason. Is it going to have some sort of an influence from the Twilight Werewolves? Will Stiles be part of the show, and will he once again be someone I yearn to be just like? Will this extra show up to once again show everyone his dick?

These are all burning questions that must be answered.

  • The 2010 LAMMY nominations were recently announced, and as I fully expected, Chuck Norris Ate My Baby was nominated for best blog name! Thanks to anyone and everyone that voted for my blog and please feel free to do so once again to make sure I win that shit!! Though, I did not receive nominations in any other category, I was super pleased to see votes for almost every one of the categories, so that was nice to see.
  • Speaking of nominated for best blog name, elgringo from He Shot Cyrus is hosting an interesting little blog thingy titled My Best Blog Post Blog-A-Thon, where a handful of bloggers submitted their best or most underrated post. I was asked to participate, and I gladly submitted a review I did for a film that I truly loved. Like, I made babies with it and got it's name tattooed on my lower back, loved. I won't say what it is because you will have to find out for yourself. I don't think it's my best post, necessarily, but it is one of my best reviews and it went completely ignored, unfortunately. Can you read the bitterness in my words damn it! Great idea on elgringo's part, and while no one will probably still read it, I like the idea of giving a post a second chance for love. 

That's all I got for now…I was planning on doing a post on a bunch of VHS purchases via tag sales that I made as of late, but my internet connection has been nothing short of horrible, so it may take longer than I had planned. Until that time, see you on the flip side, shun!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Arnold's Friday Night Dance Party!


Hey hoes, it be a late night dance party tonight, as I spent much of the day busy at the gym, working on my bod, getting it primed for tonight's special edition of Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party. I need to be as tight as possible, or the baby oil just won't look right, plus, the stronger I am, the harder I can push myself to keep the darkness illuminated with intense trails from my glow sticks. So I hope you came prepared with a solid tan, deep cuts, massive bulges and a bottle of Nair, because tonight, it's an all-nighter with the one and only, Arnold Schwarzenegger!

What is there really to say about this clip that isn't said all on it's own? The song is fantastic and really gets my blood pumping, and I find it supremely difficult to look away as each move Julius Benedict makes, is one of style and intense dedication to the dance. If being 'Born to be Alive' is a metaphor for falling into a dance trance with nothing but you and your glow sticks, then consider me born like Jason. There should be a dance-off between Arnold's rave dance and Jean-Claude's onsie dance scene from Breakin' for homoerotic supremacy. The winner gets both the glow sticks and the onsie, but more importantly, street cred. Oh, and an Applebee's gift certificate worth $15.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Beard is Growing Closer…


Just a friendly little reminder that this coming Monday, May 24th, marks start of the Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest, a week long blogathon with the subject matter being that of mister Chuck Norris himself. If you are taking part, I cannot wait to see what you have in store, if you aren't taking part (send submissions to chucknorrisatemybaby (at) gmail (dot) com), then you should, if not for the reason that it will be a blast to honor the man that is the definition of honor. Also, there are all sorts of dope ass prizes to be won for those that do participate, so don't be a heel and miss out on the coolest thing since mesh cut off tee-shirts!

More details come with the click of your cursor…

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Hunger Pains

hunger1 The Hunger may have very well been the first movie added to my Netflix instant queue, and the reason I say that is, it’s been the first movie on that ridiculous queue for well over a year. I wanted to see it and even started watching it at least twice, but it was late each time, and I passed out very early on. To be honest, it didn’t really seem like anything special from what I saw of it before dozing off. Then finally, after some pressure from the old lady - who was tired of seeing the same movie sitting there at the beginning of my queue for more than a year - I broke down and watched 1983’s The Hunger.

I had completely forgotten that it was a Tony Scott movie, probably because I added it so long ago, but I'm sure his name was a selling point for me adding it to my list originally. I like some of his films, not all of them are great but he has done some solid work and having his name pop up in the opening credits to a Vampire film (and his first) from the 80’s, certainly is appealing.

hunger3 As for the opening scene that I had previously fallen asleep to (and almost did this time, but I fought like a lion to stay awake, son!), the same opening scene I deemed lackluster, I quickly realized that I must have fallen asleep in the first minute or two those other times I tried to watch the film. The Hunger's beginning is about as far from lackluster as it gets, as it starts off in a sort of Goth club, with a music video style performance intercut with an introduction to our two main characters, Miriam (Catherine Deneuve) and John (David Bowie), the film’s opening left me very surprised and excited to move forward.

hunger2 It’s a very flashy introduction, totally absorbing in how it just comes at you, showing how Miriam and John pick up another couple for a night of partner swapping, but their motives are much more sinister as you witness them slice open their prospective lay’s and drink the sweet lifeblood as it leaves their unsuspecting victim’s bodies. These event’s aren't presented in a straight forward fashion, instead, they intercut in such a chaotic way and without dialogue, just physical acting and quickly edited moments to show the viewer what is happening. This opening tells you everything you need to know about Miriam and John in such a simple and indirect way.

I was simply impressed with this very unconventional and stylish start to the film, but what’s even better is, The Hunger never goes near anything like that again. It is just a set up to show what John and Miriam have been doing for what would be a very long time in order to fulfill their needs. The Hunger then becomes a pretty slow moving character study, and even the filming style and the look of it become almost like a modern version of a gothic styled horror movie. Very cold and quiet with much of the film set in John and Miriam’s flat which conveys a sense of solitude and almost looks like a museum, filled with a rich history.


“The Goth club” John and Miriam as seen in the opening kill scene are much different and use that facade to find prey. In reality, they are elegant and in a way seem to live a classy life style that would come from living for numerous centuries and through a multitude of culture changes that reflects in their taste and how they live. They seem much older than they are, which is actually the case. That is where the film’s conflict would come into play, when John begins to suddenly age very rapidly. He seeks the help of Dr. Sarah Roberts (Susan Sarandon) who specializes in age research, but she chalks his rapid aging problems up to insanity and brushes him off.

hunger5 However, Miriam seems to be infatuated with Sarah after seeing her talk about her research on television, and now with John fastly aging to the point of nothingness, she appears to be ready to move on to a new partner in her life. There is no sure reason for why John ages rapidly, but it’s very clear that Miriam knows what is going on with him, and it becomes apparent as to how she knows later on in the film in what is a fantastic reveal. This reveal also drastically changes gears for the characters in the movie, and when you think it’s going one way with the story of John’s sudden descent into old age, it turn’s into a seduction tale with Miriam swooning the Sarah character.


While I said that The Hunger is a Vampire flick, it is hardly like many of the better known films that the genre had to offer in the 1980’s. These “Vampires” are not affected by the sunlight (though they are never directly in the sun at any point in the movie), they do not sport fangs nor is there a coffin anywhere to be found hunger(kind of). With that said, The Hunger still works like a Vampire film but an original and fresh take on the genre, almost like Romero’s Martin was when it came out in ‘77. Unlike Martin, however, there is a strong supernatural element to the characters, with Miriam living eternally and how she has the ability to mesmerize her potential victims. These atypical Vampires are not creatures or even monsters in their appearance, but for whatever reason, they need blood or at least have a hunger for it.

For something that is sort of a Vampire movie, it is not, as is the case with how it works as a horror movie. It is, but it isn’t. While there is some bloodshed at times, overall, it is a slow moving film that takes the time to get to know the characters and the world that they live in, instead of focusing on the animalistic aspect of Vampires and/or their mythology. It looks at more the power that Miriam has over John and Sarah and how she uses that power to whatever best suits her slightly selfish needs.


A complete fresh breath of air, The Hunger was a big surprise in what it is, compared to what I expected of it initially. Even when I thought I had my head wrapped around it, the story (based on a Whitley "alien rape" Strieber novel) would take a turn and bring in something new, keeping everything from getting stale. Though, the ending is a little off from the overall feel of the movie and almost takes a silly E.C. Comicsish turn, it’s a fun and highly satisfying way for it to finish the way it does for all of the characters.

So, while I don’t have to look at this film every time I fire up watch instantly and go to my queue, I do know that it will not be the last time I see The Hunger, that’s for sure.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

The Horror Hangover

Another day, another hangover, but thankfully, there are quite a few films for you to drool through today, so your hangover won't be relegated to just infomercials about little wieners and badass food processors. Not that every single one of these films are much better than infomercials or a QVC sweater blowout, but there still be some gold in these here hangover hills, and I shall be your guide for this, The Horror Hangover.

AMC starts our day off with a Governor, a director with a god complex, a super flat butt and the guy that banged Rosanne. Of course, I'm talking about True Lies (1994), which is playing at 10:30.

1:00 gives us all the gift of Boogeyman (2005), followed by Boogeyman 2 (2007) at 1:00, and we can thank SyFy for this one. I've never seen but have only heard very bad things about Boogeyman, and I only can assume that would be the same case for it's sequel. Boogeyman…why can't I keep the thought out of my head that this film would be better served if the main antagonist were just some dude who picked his nose, then ran after people trying to wipe it on them? Now that would be scary. Boogers are frightening on their own, but put them on a fingertip that is hot on your tail, and you got the stuff nightmares are made of. It'snot how I would want to go out, that's for sure.

11:30 comes and goes with Assault on Precinct 13 (2005) on FX. It's not a horrible remake, but certainly the definition of an unnecessary one. It does make for a good hangover movie though, as you won't feel bad taking puke breaks during the movie and possibly missing something.

I must admit, nothing else in today's hangover matters, and all of it was only leading up to the double-decker of oily badass that AMC has starting at 1:00 with First Blood (1982) followed by First Blood Part II (1985) at 3:00. Seriously, I love First Blood, like a wicked lot, and you should too. To show my love, I have provided this photo, which is actually directly to the right of my computer desk and contains the lamp I bought for $2 and Rambo killing mother-fuckers.

Oh, and make sure to watch this teaser. It's so tough, you have to watch it shirtless with a stick of butter rubbed on your chest.

Double pick of the week.

Ugh, why go on after First Blood? Well, SyFy gives us something that might be worth a view with Carny (2009) at 3:00. Clearly, it's set in a carnival, it star's LDP and it actually looks like it might be kind of fun based off this trailer. Carny is also on Netflix instant and is already on my queue, so if I don't watch it today, I may give it a whirl soon. Hay, who knows, it could be good, or it could be Carny! Yup, I did it.

And ending the hangover as far away from Rambo as you can get, we are once again put under the spell of The Craft (1996) at 4:00 on E! I'll save the First Blood and period comparison jokes for some other time…the whole booger thing was enough nasty for one Sunday.

Before I go away and stop alienating you all, I want to congratulate good friend to CNAMB and myself, Cortez the Killer and his new wife, Jennifer. The two of them were wed yesterday, so I can only imagine the hangover that is being had by many that attended the festivities. Good luck kiddies, and Chuck wants you to start working on kids asap!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Master Blaster Edition!


I haven't seen the third film in the Mad Max trilogy, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, since before I first produced baby batter. It's a film that is difficult to forget, however, and even though it's one I loved as a young lad, I still knew all that kid's shit was pretty corny. Which is funny as Mad Max's version of Ewoks were meant to draw a young me to the film, which would be further proven by the PG-13 rating. But even at a young age, I could see through it. Still, there were many cool moments in the movie, and I would love to revisit it again sometime in the near future. No matter how long it's been since I've watched Thunderdome, there's one thing that still stands out in my memories very clearly, and the most iconic aspect, even over Master Blaster, is We Don't Need Another Hero (Thunderdome), by lady legs herself, Tina Turner.

I don't think I need to go over how Tina Turner plays a pivotal role as Aunty Entity in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome the film, but her role in Thunderdome as far as marketing goes may have had more impact on that film's recognition than anything else. She was huge at the time, and that fame was only continued with We Don't Need Another Hero (Thunderdome). Written by Terry Britten and Graham Lyle, with Turner backed by a choral group coming out of King's House School in Richmond, London, the song was a smash hit to say the least. It was nominated for a Golden Globe as well as a Grammy, and it hit a high of #2 on the Billboard Hot 100.

We Don't Need Another Hero (Thunderdome) and Turner in her Aunty Entity outfit in this video are very iconic, and sure the song has a lot of actual meaning behind it, but I cannot get over her White Fang hairdo. She does look pretty bangin' though, and I wouldn't mind taking a hold of those epic earrings and going for a little ride through Thunderdome. I'll show Tina a real Master Blaster if you get my drift. In all seriousness, it's an infectious song and I would be telling nothing short of the truth when I say how many times the chorus of this song has come out of my mouth over my lifespan. Complete with dum-dum-dum drum sound, naturally. Great song and a fun video, it's about damn time it made it's way onto Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party. Dum-dum-dum. 

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Who's it Gonna Be Tonight?

frightFor the most part, I'm pretty indifferent when it comes to hearing about upcoming remakes. I'm not all for them, and unless they are announced to be in 3D (ugh), I am not really against them either. To state the obvious, I know for a fact that they will either be: A) Good B) Bad or fright1C) Mediocre. No matter which one of those categories the remake might fall in, the original will stay in whatever category you and I have it in to begin with. A shitty remake cannot take that away from either of us. The reason I bring this up is due to the recent casting news for the upcoming remake of Fright Night. Now, Fright Night is one of my favorite horror films – it is a childhood favorite – as well as my favorite vampire film from a time when I absolutely loved the genre and vampires period. I even read and still own the comic book series that came out around the time, and I even once went as a post turned "Evil" Ed for Halloween as a kid.

So even with news of one of my favorite childhood films being remade, I am still indifferent about it all. I always have the hopes that it will be good, of course, because then I would have yet another take on a film and story that I love. However, with the casting news for this soon to be remade vampire film, I find myself very excited for a few reasons. Toni Collette is a great actress and to know that she is going to play a small but still important role as Judy Brewster is very promising. She isn't a major character, so to have a solid actress fill that role is a surprise and a welcome one at that. Of course, the bigger news is the announcement that the part of Jerry Dandridge has been cast with another big star, Colin Farrell.

fright2 Many will slag on Farrell for his acting and he has done plenty of shit, I know, but he is a great actor when he so chooses. See the fantastic In Bruges if you need proof of that fact. What's even better about his casting, outside of him being a high profile actor and a decent one, is the fact that they cast someone who, age wise, fits the role. In this post-Twilight era, it's nice to see that there aren't any changes to fright3the main antagonist of the film, as in, there is no attempt to make him a much younger, brooding man. It would be very easy to switch around the story a bit to make Charley's neighbor a young and attractive to the Twilight crowd man, and the fact that is not happening is a positive one.

I'm not trying to take the piss out of Twilight as it isn't made for my pleasure (but it's next up in my Netflix queue…lord have mercy), but I would hate to see the vampire genre go a certain way because of it's influence. I don't mind sex appeal, but I do not need my vampire stories to be driven by mindless romance. Fright Night is a prime candidate for a Twilight influenced makeover, so the strong casting choices as well as a director that has something under his belt, are all very good signs. Now, we'll just have to wait to see who gets the roles of Peter Vincent, Evil and Marcy…

Baby Babble: A Swift Kick to Paracinema


If you're feeling a little frisky and could go for some ass kicking Asian action, stop by Paracinema…The Blog, and check out my review for the 2009 Japanese Martial Art's Film, High Kick Girl! Thank you for your time kissy face.

Click Da Link!!  

Monday, May 10, 2010

Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest!


I have decided it's about damn time that we have a contest over here at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, something I have been pondering doing for sometime now. Doing contests and shit like that isn't really my bag, but I wanted to do something that is fun and interactive as well as something that can give a few of my very awesome readers the chance to win some prizes! Oh, and I know you love prizes!

So, I thought it would be great to do a blogathon thingy, with the subject matter being that of the bearded one himself, Chuck Norris. What you have to do is, post anything pertaining to Chuck Norris, whether it be a review of anyone of his many films or even an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. You can even do a write up on the man's career in film, in the ring, in bed, it doesn't matter as long as it's Chuck related. It can be funny, it can be serious, heck, it can even be both if you so choose! Yowza! 

My only rules are that it has to be bearded and has to be posted with in the time frame, which will be May 24th through May 30th. Outside of that, there are no rules as far as content goes, and you don't even have to link to me or anything. That's not what it's about. Now, to be fair, if I have anyone that is a reader and not a blogger and wants to join in on the fun but has no place to post something, let me know in the comments section, or email me. I will have you send it to me so I can post it here. I don't want anyone to be left out. I believe in love for all.  

At the end of the contest, I will do a post with links to everyone that hopefully participates, and then, with help from a crack team of scientists and astrologers, the winners will be picked using formulas and measurements to determine which are the best posts. From there, three winners will be announced, with one for the grand prize and the two runner-up winners.

Now, here's what you can win!   

Grand prize:

A copy of Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper for XBOX 360!


A copy of both The Bloody Ape and Gothkill!


Issue number 9 of Paracinema Magazine!


A copy of the Gorehouse Greats Collection which includes 12 films!


A copy of the 2009 Western/Horror hybrid, The Burrowers!


And finally, what Chuck Norris contest would be complete without a copy of one of the blonde babe's finest action films, Code of Silence? Well, you'll get a copy of that too, so this contest IS complete!



Second and Third place prizes:

Both second and third place winners will receive a copy of the Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper game for XBOX 360 as well as a copy of the Gorehouse Greats Collection!

So, that is a total of three chances to win something! But I know you got your eye on that big prize, don't you?

As I said, this is all going down May 24th through May 30th, so there is plenty of time for you to figure out what you would like to do. All submissions/post links can be sent to chucknorrisatemybaby (at) gmail (dot) com and please don't send me naked pictures. Unless you're a hot old lady that likes bowling. I also made up a few banners that any one of you are free to use, but it is not required to enter or participate in the contest. 



Shoot me some feedback or questions if you have any, and hopefully this turns out as fun as I envision it and not it to a complete disaster! Now, get out there and start blogging!

Special thanks to Paracinema, The Adventure Company and Wild Eye Releasing for providing some of the fine prizes.

Baby Babble: Creature Featured

Hey all, I wanted to quickly share some news that I found to be incredibly cool with all of you nicely kept readers out there. Dylan (aka Fletch), from Blog Cabins and The LAMB, was kind enough to shoot me an email today letting me know that this very blog you are reading, was featured in today's Total Film newsletter! I found my heart (and other organs) suddenly swell with joy, and I just had to share it all with you. I took a screen cap of the newsletter, but if you want to see the entire thing, you can click on the screen cap itself, and it will take you straight to Baby Eating heaven.  


On that note, the review I wrote for Dial M For Murder some time back was featured on the Movies Unlimited: Movie Fan Fare site, which is a sort of sub-site for Movies Unlimited, a place where folks can purchase movies online. You can click here if you want to check out the review if you never read it when I posted it originally.

With both of those nifty little snippets of awesome things that happened today, to say I am living the high life would be an understatement. To make things even better, I have a major announcement that I will be…err, announcing later today, so keep an eye out for that.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Horror Hangover


Before I get into this week's anemic Hangover, I want to wish my lovely and magical girlfriend, Liz, a happy birthday. Today she turns *cough-cough* years-old, so lets send well wishes her way, on this, her very special day.

Okay, first up we have an early bird special of Idiocracy (2006) over at Comedy Central at 9:30. Comedy Central is probably not the place to watch this great follow up to Mike Judge's cult classic, Office Space, as it will be censored and sh*t. However, it is a film that people should check out, as it's a very brilliant and witty commentary on the regression of society to the point of stupid, due to commercialism, television, the internet, etc... Idiocracy is a much smarter film than it appears to be and definitely worth an early morning viewing for the person who drank them self stupid the night before.

Following Idiocracy, Comedy Central keeps the laughs rolling with Hot Fuzz (2007) at 11:30. Hot Fuzz has made more than one appearance on the Hangover, so it's safe to say that it is worth a few hours of your hard hung time.

Over at AMC, things get a little tight around the crotch with Superman (1978) at Noon. What can I say about Superman outside of it being a classic and one of my childhood favorites? Need I say anything at all? I am a huge fan of Superman in all of his incarnations, even the most recent and poorly received Superman Returns, so nothing is much better than an afternoon spent with the Man of Steel. Well, as long as he's not the Man of Steel that rocks a five o'clock shadow and breaks liquor bottles with peanuts.

It doesn't stop there folks, as AMC keeps the cape on with Superman II The Richard Donner Cut at 3:30. There was a day in my adult life when I realized that Superman II was not as good as it was to me as a young man, and that day was a sad one indeed. The only thing that could rectify that sadness, was to see the Richard Donner cut of Superman II. While it's very obvious that the added scenes are not polished like the rest of the film, they, along with some omissions, make Superman II a sequel worthy of the first film. Easily my pick of the week.

Already at the end of the Hangover and we are heading back to 1:00 when The Craft (1996) is playing on E! I always liked The Craft, and I thought I would have no problem with including it on the Hangover, but after watching this trailer, I wonder if I still like The Craft, and should I be a little embarrassed that I ever did? I don't know for sure, but I would love for you all to enlighten me with your thoughts…vagina, or not.

That about does it for this week…hope you all have a solid Sunday!

To All the Mothers Out There…

…keep 'em coming - Chuck is depending on you for the nutrients and protein to keep his spin kick strong and beard thick.

Happy Mother's Day from Chuck Norris Ate My Baby.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Just Another Victim Edition!


What's that frightening sound you hear? The pounding of smooth lyrical rhymes with the prowess of angry heavy metal? What is this monstrous and intruding noise you say? A melding of two musical genres, two genres that are intense enough to make you cross the street to avoid any interaction? If you don't have what it takes to face the music, don't move, don't whisper, don't even breath, because it's your Judgment Night!

Boy am I so lame.

Here we are once again kiddos, with a double dose of badass badassary for this monster of a Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party. Now, this is a bittersweet Dance Party as both of these tracks are cool and all, but these are not the gold standard when it came to songs off the soundtrack for 1993's Judgment Night. However, both of these are the only songs that got official video treatment, so they are the ones I'll go with.

First song is the titular track, Judgment Night, which comes to us thanks to frequent collaborators ONYX and Biohazard. I love me some Biohazard, and ONYX is a lot of bald headed fun, so as they come together for this track, I find myself bustin' in my pants, with dance!

Next one comes to us via Faith No More and Boo-Ya T.R.I.B.E. with their contribution to the Judgment Night OST, Another Body Murdered. Now, I am a huge Faith No More/Mike Patton fan, so that's cool and all, but who the fuck is/was Boo-Ya T.R.I.B.E.? Seriously? Either way, the video is pretty awesome with Patton providing enough madness to keep this song interesting, and Troy Polamalu is good enough on the mic to get us by.

Judgment Night the film is a pretty good one, or at least I always really liked it as a youth, especially that awesome performance from Dennis Leary. Still, the movie could not be nearly as awesome as was that soundtrack, which may be one of the greatest (and certainly influential) of all time, and was the next logical evolution in the Rap/Rock hybrid. You know, before Nu Metal became official and ruined it all. But seriously, that was THE soundtrack for dudes my age at that time, and everyone who was someone was all about Judgment Night's OST. Even with the inclusion of Sir Mix-A-Lot and butt Mudhoney, it still holds pretty strong and is relevant even today.

There were so many great songs, and even with the two solid videos provided, they are not the songs I think of when I think Judgment Night. My two favorites are tracks that are still dance inducing to this day, and those are Just Another Victim from Helmet and House of Pain, and Fallin' by Teenage Fanclub and De La Soul. It's lame that there was no video made for Just Another Victim, but what can you do. You know what, though, I can't do a Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party for Judgment Night and not include both those tunes. It's my party and I'll go overboard if I want to, so I'll tack both of them on here at the end just because I love them so much…enjoy the quadruple dose of Dance Party MADNESS!!

P.S. Dear Boo-Ya T.R.I.B.E.,

I looked you up on Wiki and learned that you could probably kill me. I was joking before. You like jokes, right? I can sing and dance too, if you'd like.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Chuck Norris Caption Action Kick!: Hell of the Living Dead!


Hell of the Living Dead is a 1981 Italian zombie film, and as with many Italian zombie films, it is a rip-off of a handful of other successful movies of the time, namely, Dawn of the Dead. Sometimes completely boring, sometimes completely entertaining, this sloppily made film is more than fun and even more than ridiculous with its poor gore FX and incredibly painful and overly used stock footage.

Brought to us by Bruno Mattei, Hell of the Living Dead was co-written by frequent Mattei collaborator, Claudio Fragasso, who also did some of the second unit directing that, consisted of effects work to beef up the grue. If the name Claudio Fragasso sounds somewhat familiar, it's because he is the man responsible for bringing cinema one of its finest films ever constructed, Troll 2. That should tell you all you need to know…


I didn't know Rumer Willis worked with hazardous materials?

(If you are not aware, Rumer Willis, daughter of Bruce and Demi, has a massive noggin. Like, Rocky Dennis makes fun of her massive)hell


"You got something on your shoulder…here, let me get it for you!"hell4


"Who wants to hear some of my freestyle? Throw your guns in the air..."hell5


"Remember, whomever cums last, has to eat the cookie. All of it."hell6


"Wake up honey, it's 7:45, you're gonna be late for work…"hell8

"I'm not going in today, babe…I'm feeling a little under the weather, and I'm DEAD tired!"  hell9


"Your lack of breast milk really irks me, daddy…" hell0

"Guess this will just have to do then."hell12


"You wouldn't by any chance happen to have a napkin on you? That damn buffalo wing sauce gets everywhere, doesn't it?!" hell13


Even the natives can't help but get swelled heads when they run into a naked white women with jungle bush. Just ask the guy with the diaper.hell14


"Hey, I could really go for some of that Oil of Olay you got over there…" hell15


The disturbing and corrupting effects that rap music has on decent white women. hell16


"Nope, I don't see your cat up here either." hell17


Looks like someone didn't get the memo.hell18


"Anyone seen the lifeguard around? Um, help?"hell19


I'm chewing in the rain, chewing in the rain…hell20


"Hey, let us in and we'll tell you all about Jesus…at least take a few of these pamphlets!" hell21

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