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Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Horror Hangover

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What up suckas! Hope you got the remote handy, ‘cause I got a handful of movies for you to choose from this afternoon as you slowly disintegrate into your couch. So let’s get right into it, shall we? Like you have any say in the matter. Well, you could just go and read some other blog I guess, but they don’t love you the way I love you, now do they? 

Starting off at At 10:30, SyFy gives us Abominable (2006). I have a soft spot for all things bad, but an even softer one for movies that involve Sasquatch/Abominable snowmen (which usually means really bad). This is one that always piqued my interest and that interest is slightly raised after seeing the IMDB rating for the film is 5.1. That is way high for a movie like this and most of the Hangover movie’s playing on SyFy are around a 3, so there could be something worth seeing with this one. Plus, there are a few genre notables in the film, with appearances from Lance Henriksen, Jeffrey Combs, and Troma vixen, Tiffany Shepis to add to the positives. 

Next up at 12:30, SyFy once again crawls into the Hangover with Ice Spiders (2007). Lets see, genetically mutated spiders that take in a day at the local ski resort, with an IMDB rating of 3.2…sounds like business as usual!   

At 2:00, Road House (1989) is playing on CMT. Lots of badass brawls, a monster truck, Sam Elliott flipping his charcoal locks around, sweaty Pat doing ballerina inspired karate kicks, and you have the only reason I will ever put it on CMT for more than 20 seconds. 

2:30 marches in with Kelly’s Heroes (1970) on AMC. I love me a WWII movie and this is one that has unfortunately slipped through the cracks for what seems like forever. Plot wise, it sounds kind of like Three Kings (a film I love), with a group of U.S. soldiers going AWOL to find them some Nazi gold. The big selling point for Kelly’s Heroes is clearly the awesome cast. Clint Eastwood, Telly Savalas, Donald Sutherland, Don Rickles, Harry Dean Stanton, Archie Bunker! Word!    

Things warm up a little at 3:00, when Devil in the Flesh (1998) shows up on Lifetime. Now THIS is the perfect hangover movie…you know it’s gonna be great with a plot revolving around a high school girl (played by Rose McGowan) with an out of control crush on one of her teachers! I get a feeling that I may have seen this movie before, or at least parts of it, because it all just seems too familiar (and I’m not making fun of the story's originality either!). Either way, this should be some super Lifetime sleaze and a solid way to droll away a few hours.    

You might want to DUCK at 3:30 when A Fistful of Dynamite (1971) blow’s up the IFC airwaves. While I prefer to call it DUCK, You Sucker!, Fistful is one of my favorite Leone films, with one of my favorite Morricone scores. I love this movie, it’s characters, Rod Steiger’s pre-Tony Montana accent, and Coburn’s teeth. In fact, I think I’ll keep “MY” pick of the week with Kelly’s Heroes, but will make the pick for you guys A Fistful of Dynamite. Fantastic film and what better way to watch it than on IFC where it will be uncut, widescreen, and without commercials? Pick of the week, part deux!   

And last, but certainly not least, ION continues to support all of our Van Damme addiction with Bloodsport (1988) at 4:00. Bloodsport is on TV every 38 seconds, but it’s always worth a mention.

That about does it kiddies, hope you have a great afternoon and a fun filled day of cinema with 65% less Hangover!

6 comments:

  1. Sounds like quite the line-up, mi amigo. I've seen ABOMINABLE and it's not as bad as you'd think. It's not GOOD, but compared to the other sasquatch movies out there I would say it's slightly above average (average being shitty).

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  2. Ice Spiders is phenomenally bad. I think I'll check out Abominable.

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  3. Aaron: That's the thing, sasquatch films are usually not very good at all, but for some reason, I like them. One day, someone will make a good one?!

    POT: I slept too late to watch Abominable, but i'm going to swap between reruns of Lost and Ice Spiders. I am sure it will not disappoint in the crap department!

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  4. Rose McGowan is hawt! I wish I was that teacher.

    35...36...37...Bloodsport Time!

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  5. Ha ha...yeah she is! And I knew you would pipe in about Bloodsport!

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  6. Nice list! Even the crap-tastic ones like Devil In The Flesh. Which is also good for that state between deep sleep and I think I'm dreaming this crazy shit up, right?

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