Saturday, October 31, 2009

Freddy's Halloween Dance Party! Round 3!

WHOOOOO!! This party is off the meat rack, brah! And it isn't over just yet, we have one last round of hot beats to frighten you right out of your seats...and on to the dance floor! With the celebration getting close to being over, I should let some of you ladies know about the haunted house set up in the private's filled with bats and ghouls and trouser snakes, and I promise to protect you from all but one! What's that Skele-tone? Okay people, Skele-tone really out did himself and found this last minute doozy late last night while he was trying to find a ghoul-friend on Hott! You all ready for round three?
Drop it, Skele-tone!

Soul Snatcher feat. Kfiz "Creepin' Tonight"

Wow, Skele-tone...seriously?! Talk about frightening! Those dudes were mad scury and next time someone steps to me, I'm using the line..."You looking like Skeletor, and your old lady already look like...Skele-whore!" Talk about tight rhymes! Alrighty, we got one final track that is the perfect way to end this epic dance party! I hope you all are having a wicked Halloween and while I would hate to see it all come to an end, it has been a blast for us over here at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby!

Helloween Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

Freddy's Halloween Dance Party! Round 2!

Hey there spooky specters and happy haunters, nice to see you're still hanging tough, NKOTB style and ready for some more DANCING!!! Skele-tones dealer just showed up a little while ago, so he's rearin' to go for at least another couple of hours and I hope you are too, because it is officially...Halloween! YIOPPIEOPE!

Oh no! I hear the sounds of something frightening, I hear the sounds of bumping and rattling chains - It must be the sounds of...

...Grim Grinning Ghosts!

Eek! Them ghosts sure are scury! I may need to seek "protection" from that chick in the cat costume. I just don't feel safe otherwise! Skele-tone, we gotta scare these ghosts away quick, spin something to fight off these evil forces!

The Misfits Halloween

Well, that certainly worked! Skele-tone has really outdone himself for Halloween, hasn't he?! Stay tuned kiddies, Halloween is going on all day long, so we'll be back for one last dance before the night closes in!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Freddy's Halloween Dance Party!

'Tis the season to be scary...and there is nothing scarier than a DUI (well, except for that burning sensation when I pee), so why not spend your night here, at the hottest club in all the land, Freddy's Halloween Dance Party! YAEAZA!! Halloween weekend is upon us and the barbarian of bones himself, dj Skele-tone has dusted off his collection of great Halloween music for us all to enjoy throughout the next two nights! That's right, it's a two day dance party filled with haunts and happenings and all coated in candy flavored ecstacy! So, what are we waiting for...lets drop that beat, Slele-tone!

This is Halloween!

Whew! That was good clean fun, now wasn't it? But this party isn't gonna stay family friendly much longer. In fact, I would like to create a family with at least a few of our female attendees by the end of the night, so lets grime it up a little shall we?!

Hit it, Skele-tone!

Dead Kennedy's Halloween

YAHHHOWSA!! That was dope, son! I need to take it easy for a moment, take a chill pill if you will. Or any sort of pill for that matter, but this party isn't over yet...expect a few more tight tracks from our bony buddy Skele-tone over the next 48 hours!

Top 13 Favorite Horror Sequels!

Hey! You look a little bored, so I got something fun for you to do - remember a few days ago when I mentioned the big Halloween Top 13: The Sequel thing that is going on at The Lightning Bug's Lair? Well, if you don't, our good friend, T.L. Bugg has been counting down a list of his favorite horror film sequels of all time in honor of Halloween! Each sequel he has picked has been paired up with a submission from readers and fellow bloggers lists of their fav sequels and I was lucky enough to be involved, so if you head over there right this second, you can read my list! What made the cut? You'll have to find out for yourself! I do want to thank Mr. Bugg for allowing me to take part with this project and for featuring my list so high up in the countdown...I am truly honored! So head over there and check it out by clicking!

Don't shoot, I'm gay!

Yep. Another zombie film. Another zombie Comedy. The fifth film announced for After Dark's Horrorfest: 8 Films to Die For is in fact a Zombie Comedy titled ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction. Directed and co-written (with Ramon Isao) by Kevin Hamedani, ZMD is about a small conservative island community that has been overtaken by flesh-eaters. The community has no hope for survival against the ongoing Zombie onslaught, until a rag tag band of rebels assemble to save the town.

Zombie movies...I just did a zombie movie review with Automaton Transfusion and I have a Zombieland review waiting to go up early next week, so I am kind of zombied out to be honest with you guys. However, ZMD does look like a cool little flick based off this trailer, with a couple of nice zombie gore shots and a mix of humor that actually seems to be somewhat funny. We will find out if this zombie comedy has any braaaaains (sorry, I should know better) or not January 29th of next year when 8 Films rolls into theaters yet again.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Chucktober Presents: The Final Horrifying Halloween TV Advertisements!

Unfortunately, all good (well, mediocre) things must come to an end, so here is the final batch of Halloween TV commercials for you to enjoy this fun and frightful week! I hope everyone got a kick out of these classic and not-so-classic advertisements, and hopefully they brought back some found memories of Halloweens past. I know I had a lot of fun putting them together and this last collection is a good one if I do say so myself!

And once again, McDonald's!: What's more dangerous - a mallet, a chainsaw, an axe, or high cholesterol?

Doritos: Frankenstein's monster is such a loser.

Coors Light with Elvira!: Hmmm...I'd like to have an "adult party" with Elvira, if you know what I mean.

Fruity Yummy Mummy: Count Chocula and Frankenberry look for a place to love one another when they meet, Fruity Yummy's a match made in the closet.

Nick or Treat: This is one of my favorite of all the commercials that I have found since starting this thing back in the beginning of Chucktober - This ad came out at a time whene I was starting to learn about make-up FX and how they were done...I wanted to win this thing sooooo bad! What kid wouldn't?

Adios, folks!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Three More Days Till Halloween, Halloween, Halloween...

I went and put up a big fat baby ass with a pumpkin painted on it for my header in the spirit of the last week of Chucktober and the final and insanely sad moments before Halloween passes us a candle in the wind. You know for a fact that baby ass is gonna be pumpkin pie for a certain bearded male with roundhouse kick capability, but till the season is over, safe that ass is. As always, I have had an okay Halloween, filled with a lot of excitement and a sliver of letdown for whatever lame reasons that decide to come up and ruin things.

I was off from work on Thursday and did whatever I do when not working (kicking a ton of ass and tanning). When Sunday rolled around, I was out of work remarkably early, so I thought, "I can go to one of the two local Haunted Houses tonight!" Nope. The mother fucking Haunted Houses are closed on Sundays - and here's the kicker...they're open on Thursdays! So I could have went to both of the local haunts in one day, but I would have never thought that a "weekend attraction" would be open on a weekday, let alone closed on a Sunday.

Being that I moved not too long ago, I got a new job, which is good, right? Yeah, good until you walk in and see a sign asking that no employees take off Halloween, or the day beforehand for that matter. I can begrudgingly deal with that a little more as I understand it's the weekend and I am new, so who am I really to complain. However, I will complain about the fact that two out of three pumpkins were snagged from my house the other night! I feel like I've been raped. By a shark. I shouldn't get too's not like I've never taken a pumpkin from a house before, but mixed in with the Haunted House thing, it just really chaps my ass.

On the bright side, I am very happy that I can safely leave the rest of my Halloween decorations outside without anyone messing with them - and pumpkins of gigantic sizes are on sale at Walfart for $1. $1! Oh yeah, I did have a can of soup in the witches cauldron out in front to keep it from blowing away in the wind, but those cock-hairs took that too. At least it was vegetable soup, so no real loss I fact, I should thank them.

There have been plenty of ups to go with my downs however. I'm pretty psyched that I was able to see a few good horror films in theaters lately with Zombieland last week and Paranormal Activity tonight (reviews soon to follow). As always with this time of year, there are a ton of great Halloween programs on TV and I cannot get enough of it! Nothing says Halloween quite like Theo Huxtable in a Dracula custom topped off with a jheri curl wig! There is also a ton of Halloween fun to check out in the blog world too.

Over at Dinner With Max Jenke, my good buddy Jeff has a "Trick or Trailers" countdown to Halloween going on right this very second. He has some awesome trailers and his nostalgic thoughts on them are always entertaining. Every ones favorite Bugg, as in T.L. Bugg of The Lightning Bug's Lair has his own countdown titled: The Halloween Top 13: The Sequel! This is where he counts down his 13 favorite Horror sequels of all time and his picks have been mighty fine thus far. Also, keep a look out, as yours truly will be showing up on there with my own list of favorite horror sequels too! There are a ton of other blogs doing great Halloween shit, but too many for me to mention in just one post.

However, I would like to direct you all over to our good friends (and proud Baby Eaters!) at Planet of Terror who have an interview with Will Devokees, a 20 year old filmmaker who is finishing up his very first feature film, Macabre Medicine. This Grindhouse homage is self-financed by the young filmmaker and we here at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby are big supporters of any one that has the tenacity to even attempt to make their own movie...independent Horror is the driving force of creativity, so support it I shall!

I gotta get moving...the Scream Awards are on and that will probably be kind of mediocre I'm sure, but at least it will have some cool shit on it mixed in with the lame musical performances, so I'll check it out. Thanks for listening to my whining and bitching and I would love to hear how your Halloween holiday season is going thus far. Until then, Happy happy Halloween, Halloween, Halloween...

Monday, October 26, 2009

Totally Tubular Trailers!

Whew! I got a handful of great trailers for you guys this time around so let's not waste any time with my mindless babble and get right into it!

First trailer for the evening, we have an Israeli action film titled Kirot. Directed by Danny Lerner, Kirot is the story of two women - the first is an ex-prostitute named Galia, who is forced against her will into becoming an assassin by a skeevy criminal organization. The other woman is Galia's neighbor, Eleanor who is a grocery store cashier that cannot take her awful life anymore as an abused wife. They both team up and escape from there sorrows and together they embark on a campaign of revenge. Has the feel and some of the themes found in films like Bound and Thelma and just can't go wrong with a couple of good looking Israeli girls strapped with gat's!

Hot on the heals of Dead Snow, there is more Nazi mayhem to come with the upcoming "Nazi Slasher" film, Final Solution - Nazi's really are the new pink this season, aren't they? Directed by Martin Bech, this Danish horror flick focuses on a woman's journey to find out what happened to her family (who were forced to leave her behind) when they fled a Nazi occupied Denmark to neutral Swedish soil. Her quest takes her to places more frightening than she could ever imagine, a place where she and her friends will uncover a Nazi evil of unspeakable proportions. Nazi Slasher sounds like a novel concept and the teaser is pretty cool looking - it actually looks like a French film more than anything else and that's not so bad considering the French have been cranking out some solid horror over the past few years.

Next up, Martial Arts legend Yuen Woo-ping makes a triumphant comeback as the director of True Legend. The film follows the story of the classic martial arts character, Su Qi-Er (Man Cheuk Chiu) who lost his fortune and reputation due to a conspiracy against him and his family. Now living the life of a beggar, he takes to practicing Martial Arts and eventually evolves into a master, better known as the King of Beggars. Yuen Woo-ping has not directed anything since 2002's The Tai Chi Master, so it's great to see him back in the director's chair. He has directed some of my favorite Martial Arts films, namely Iron Monkey and Twin Warriors and has done the fight choreography for films like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and the superb first two entries in the Once Upon A Time in China series - so this is something to look forward to indeed.

Finally, and minus the Silver Shamrock song, we have Season of the Witch directed by Dominic Sena. Set in the 14th-century, Season of the Witch is about a group of knights who must transport a suspected witch to a monastery, for she is thought to be the source of the Black Plague. Dominic Sena has directed some pretty weak films, but I still think this one looks promising...and Nick Cage is in it, with long hair no less, and the awesome Ron Perlman to boot. Is it just me, or is the teaser takng a shot at Saw in the begining? At least that's what I got out of the opening statement of the teaser. We'll see if it can rise above amateur level on March 19th of next year.

Them was some great trailers, now weren't they? As always, I would love to hear what you think about anyone one of these movies...until then, I'll be watching Roseanne Halloween specials nonstop!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

David VS Goliath

How fitting is it that a horror film with a budget estimated somewhere between $11-15 thousand dollars would be the movie to knock off the almighty Saw? Paranormal Activity came in first place this weekend with a solid $22 million in what is essentially its fifth week. Saw VI "saw" very little in terms of business for an opening weekend with $14.8 million (and played in over 1,000 theaters more than P.A.), only barely beating out Where the Wild Things Are which took in $14.4. I am not a fan of the Saw films and I admittedly have not given the entire series much of a chance outside of the first film and about half of the the third movie, but it's just not my thing. So, I am thrilled that an independent film, made for peanuts, was the one to take Halloween back from the franchise that is as far as you can get from the Halloween spirit in my eyes.

Even more impressive is the difficult road that Paranormal Activity has navigated to get to where it is today. I remember seeing trailers for it way back in late 2007 when Paranormal Activity was grouped in with a slew of other handheld horror films like Cloverfield, Diarrhea of the Dead, [REC], and the still yet to be released, The Poughkeepsie Tapes. I was excited for all of these films, and two out of the three that were released really delivered for me...but still, Paranormal Activity, the one I wanted to see the most, was nowhere to be found.

This homemade horror film was almost an unfortunate remake victim partially due to Steven Spielberg loving it after he had gotten his hands on a copy through DreamWorks (Spielberg also thought the film was haunted...dork.). After a strong showing at a screening the original film was set to be released in 2008, but issues with DreamWorks and Paramount yet again halted the release of the film. And finally, about a month ago, the movie was released in a very limited amount of theaters with the whole Demand It! marketing strategy that eventually got the film released in more and more theaters. The more theaters it got in, the better Paranormal Activity performed at the box office, the better it performed, the more theaters it got into. Until now, where the film is released wide and beating fucking Saw VI on its opening weekend, on its own turf nonetheless.

I may come off as bashing Saw, and I kind of am, but I'm just so tired of so many formidable movies getting left on the back burner, while another Saw film comes out and is successful. Successful because of the lack of head to head competition the Saw films have had by other horror movies the past five Halloweens. I'm completely over the annoying, and ridiculously terrible commercials stating "If it's Halloween, it must be Saw!" That's not the Halloween I celebrate, Mr. Man! It's almost poetic that Paranormal Activity would travel the long and difficult path it has to make it to where it is now, being the number one film in the country just before Halloween. Until a few days ago, the nearest theater that was playing Paranormal Activity was an hour and a half away - now with its strong box office showing, it is playing at a theater much closer, still 45 minutes from home, but I'll take it.

The Horror Hangover

Well, the lack of Halloween Horror has really turned around for this edition of The Horror Hangover. This is actually the final edition before Halloween since it lands on a Saturday this year, so there is plenty of horror fun to be had while you wither away in pain and dehydration this fine and dandy Sunday afternoon.

Starting as early as you can possibly get up after the night of debauchery you partook the previous evening, 10:30 AM brings you Wolf (1994) on AMC. You know the film, werewolves, hot Michelle Pfeiffer, and Jack Nicholson pissing on James Spader's pants. What better place to piss, I ask you?

Also at 10:30 AM and fulfilling your childhood needs, Casper Meets Wendy (1999) is on ABC Family - and it's on again at 12:00 PM over at the Disney Channel! WOW! Two chances to watch a Casper movie! The only thing I can guarantee with this one is...there will be an epic tan courtesy of George Hamilton. Because he is in the film, that's why I can guarantee it. Also, instead of a trailer, I give you something so much know you love it.

12:00 PM brings out a copy of the Devils Diary (2007) courtesy of Lifetime! A Canadian made for television film about a cursed book that will grant any evil desire to whoever writes in it. Two high school girls find the book where one would use it for evil deeds, while the other would try to destroy it. Should be fantastic.

If your in the mood for even more teen trouble, at 12:00 PM MTV will be replaying My Super Psycho Sweet 16 (2009). This is my pick for some odd reason...I know this movie is gonna suck and I would honestly be disappointed if it didn't. Simply enough, it is a Slasher film set in the world of bratty little spoiled cunts on their birthday...excuse my English. I guess you could switch back and forth between Devils Diarrhea and SPS16 and together they could make for a good movie. Maybe.

12:00 PM isn't messing around this Sunday - An American Haunting (2006) will be showing thanks to our good buddy, SyFy. I never saw this film, but kinda wanted to until I heard how garbage it was. The film is based on the novel The Bell Witch: An American Haunting, by Brent Monahan and alternates between two separate haunting events in the 19th and 21st century...blah.

Last on the 12:00 PM chopping block, the History Channel is showing Exorcism: Driving Out the Devil (2006). A documentary on the history of the exorcism and how it is still practiced to this very day.

If a half an hour into any of those films at noon don't grab ya, 12:30 PM gives us Final Destination 2 (2003) on USA. My personal favorite of the Final Destination franchise, though as most of these films on the Hangover will have some cuts, I think that this one may suffer the worst of them all. USA is kinda weak with showing the goods on TV as opposed to some of the other channels. Still, it's a fun movie and should make for a good watch between puke breaks.

1:00 PM brings the more credible of the horror today with The Silence of the Lambs (1991) on A&E. You know the story, you know Hannibal Lecter, and you know all about tucking your dong in between your legs and dancing around like the pretty little princess that you truly are. This could be a pick for me, if I haven't seen it so many times already.

AMC is showing Alien 3 (1992) at 1:30 PM - I think Alien 3 is okay, hated it when I saw it in theaters, but it's tough to follow in the footsteps of the first two Alien films, to be fair. I would prefer to watch the "Directors Cut" that is not Fincher approved, but is apparently the cut he would have intended to be released. I never did see it, so if I watch Alien 3 again anytime soon, it will be in that capacity.

At 2:00 PM, SyFy is bringin' da pain with Stephen King's Rose Red (2002) - It's a miniseries, so it is going straight through and up until 8:00 at night! That's a lot of Hangover time! It's a Stephen King miniseries that is not directed by Mick Garris and I never saw it. That's all.

Rolling into a late afternoon Hangover, at 3:00 PM Scary Godmother: Halloween Spooktakular (2003) will be on Cartoon Network. I had never heard about this Scary Godmother bologna before this post, but it's supposedly based off a very popular series of children's books and comics created by Jill Thompson. The animation style is a mixture of CGI for the characters, with a watercolor background, resulting in a very neat looking style all its own. Wud-eva.

3:00 PM brings us a more adult type of Halloween action with the History Channels Vampire Secrets (2006). I have probably seen this already, but would watch it again as it covers all aspects of Vampires - from Stoker's Dracula to the history of Elizabeth Báthory.

Getting close to shower time, FX brings us Snakes on a Plane (2006) at 3:30 PM. Snakes on a Plane is a bus load, or should I say, Plane load of fun...and here is a little known fact about me - I actually bought a Cobra Starship cd because I liked the song Snakes on a Plane - Bring It! "I can see the venom in your eyes!"

At 4:00 PM AMC has Alien Resurrection (1997) for your Alien fix - if Alien 3 wasn't enough. And I'm sure it was.

And lastly, at 4:00 PM, the Scary Godmother is back, with Scary Godmother: The Revenge of Jimmy (2005) again on the Cartoon Network. I already went over this one with you, so if you weren't paying attention...then shame on you, you little hussy!

I'm tapped kids...there is a lot to choose from and hopefully something tickles your pickle amongst the numerous choices for this weeks final Halloween inspired Horror Hangover. Until next Sunday, Baby Eaters!

Friday, October 23, 2009

The Electric (Cut) Slide!

Hey boys and girls! Sorry, but no dance party this weekend - dj Skele-tone flipped his Escalade when he went to pick up scratch tickets and mountain dew sometime after last weeks dance party and we have no back up DJ's to fill his bony shoes. It's better that he get as much rest as possible anyways, especially with next weekends huge Halloween blowout we got planned...we can't risk further injury to Skele-tone by tempting him to get wasted and trying to do the windmill again. So instead, I leave you with this fun filled clip that I had stumbled upon a while back...hopefully its entertainment value will hold you over till next Friday.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Chucktober Presents: Horrifying Halloween TV Advertisements!

Only a little more than one week left until Halloween! Actually, I am already getting a little depressed by the fact that it's almost over....October flies by way too fast if you ask me! To help with the sadness of the forthcoming end of the Halloween season, I have another collection of Halloween advertisements to fulfill your nostalgic holiday needs!

Pillsbury Doughboy: Nothing says addiction quite like sugar cookies...they are the gateway to heroin.

Pepsi: The addiction continues into adulthood with "upper" echelon sugar snacks and cleavage.

Woolworth & Woolco: More shitty costumes...perfect for quick and painful deaths when near an open flame.

The Monsters of cereal!: Or, the monsters of drag?

McDonalds...again: Now at Mc Donalds - hamburgers made out of meal worms. How spooky!

One more week to go, and one more batch of Halloween ads are yet to come...see you on the flip side!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

An Update, News and the Secret of My Ooze

Big news in the comic world - Nickelodeon just recently bought the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Global property from The Mirage Group and 4Kids Entertainment, Inc. for a whopping $60 million dollars! While it may be good news in a way, it is kind of a bummer to me. What many people probably do not know is that the Turtles were not originally set in NY; they were actually based and created in North Hampton Massachusetts, which is only about 30 minutes from where I grew up. I have all of my Mirage Studios TMNT comics to this very day (actually, I have all of my comics still), most of them signed by many of the artist and writers involved with the original series, including Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird, the creators of the Turtles and founders of Mirage Studios.

I used to go to a comic store called Altered Earth Arts everyday when I was a kid, and that comic store was owned by Craig "A.C." Farley, someone who at the time had been doing covers for the compilation issues that came out every so often - a best of TMNT if you will. So anyway, he went on to do a few of his own issues (writing and drawing) for the series, and the very first one he did was clearly set in Chicopee center (where I'm from), and one of the main young characters had a striking resemblance to yours truly (right down to the lines shaved on the side of my head)! There was even a moment where a bully beat up "my" character and that bully happened to look exactly like a guy that used to work at that same comic store. He was a big dude that would rough house my friends and I when we came in to buy comics, in playful (and non-sexual way...I think!) way, so it was fitting that he be the bully to punch "my" characters lights out.

So as you can see, I have a soft spot for the Turtles property (Totally Tubular Trailers?), and even if the movies and TV series were never nearly as cool or dark as the original Eastman and Laird creation, they were still a ton of fun. Knowing that such a majorly successful franchise/property was thunk up and created near where I grew up, and is now all but completely sold off is a little sad to me. Especially when I had some personal connections to that franchise/property in a lot of ways, so I feel like it's kind of mine. I am pretty selfish, however.

I also wanna mention - the Dario Argento book by Mr. James Gracey that I just recently posted about has unfortunately been pushed back to an unknown date. Seems to happen with all the good shit, doesn't it? Anyway, hopefully it will be out sooner rather than later, and I will update you skanks if I hear anything else about a release date - as will James on his blog. If you are a fan of dope, or if you like bad-ass, and you are a fan of Argento, then head over to Amazon and give this little bitch a pre-order in support of dope, bad-ass, Argento-ness!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Totally Tubular Trailers!

I unfortunately haven't had much time to put together a Totally Tubular Trailers in a while, so I figured I should put up a quick one to share a few trailers that I have been sitting on for a little while. All three trailers are for Asian films and each one is significantly different from the next, but for once, two of them have subs!! Check 'em out, sexy!

First up is Mamoru (Ghost in the Shell) Oshii's, Assault Girls! Set on a post-nuclear war Earth, Assault Girls follows a group of young ladies armed to the teeth and fighting a group of giant deadly sand dwelling monsters. Simple enough. Style wise, it reminds me of a Final Fantasy game, just not as lame, but I think it looks like it could be a lot of fun - you have hot chicks with big bad ass guns, action, J-pop, and those giant worms from Bettlejuice - sans stripes! Assault Girls rolls into Japanese theaters on December 29th and there are already talks of a possible U.S. remake, which means it won't come out in America for at least four years. Sigh.

On an even more badass front, Clash (aka Bay Rong) is a Vietnamese martial arts film that some have said would be best described as a sort action/romance flick in the vein of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Not that it should be too difficult to be better than MaMS, but Clash looks flat out awesome. Clash also re-teams Johnny Tri Nguyen and Ngo Thanh Van, who both appeared together in the 2007 film, The Rebel which was a well received hit in Vietnam. Clash will be opening in Vietnam on December 18th, and I really hope to get my hands on a copy of this as soon as possible.

Last on the docket we have Yam Laranas' Patient X, a Filipino horror film that will be released in its native land on October 28th. Patient X is the story of a doctor who must face the murderers of his younger brother from 20 years earlier. He soon learns that the murderers are not of human nature, but are Aswangs (vampire-like creatures) and they pose a much deadlier threat not only to him but also for the entire town. This one actually surprised me a little as I thought it would be some kind of detective/ghost story, but the inclusion of the Assheads adds something that could be cool. Or terrible.

Hope there was something here that piqued your interest a little, I think all three films look quite interesting, thus the reason why I posted them in the first place! There is a method to my madness! Peace out Baby Eaters!

Monday, October 19, 2009

I Might Be Showing Paracinema My Jack-O-Face!

What better way to encapsulate the month of mayhem known as Chucktober, than by watching classic Halloween themed horror movies?! Okay, maybe I'm stretching a little when I say classic, but 1995's monster mash masterpiece, Jack-O is a horror film, and it is set during I'm not that far off, right?

I can't help but love cheesy holiday and event themed Slasher films of the utmost ridiculous nature - whether it be celebrating Independence Day with Uncle Sam - giving the gift of three abducted Innocent women to Ma dukes for Mothers Day - getting your diploma on Graduation Day, or drinking a pint with a Leprechaun in honor of St. Patrick's Day. Christmas has this "sub genre" on straight lock down with a slew of awesomely wacky and out there holiday horror with movies like Santa's Slay, Jack Frost, and Silent Night Deadly Night 2 just to name a few.

I think most of these films are set out to achieve what they are, and that is entertaining B-movies that aren't to be taken too seriously, but instead are meant to be fun. You almost cannot judge this type of film with other more serious, or direct horror movies - they are schlock and are to be judged for how many times you can roll your eyes back in giddy disbelief, or how many times you can simply say, wow. This type of film may be looked down upon by some, and that seems to be a little unfair since they are not made to win awards, or to actually be scary, let alone be taken seriously. I wonder how many of those same people went all ape shit for Eli Roth's Thanksgiving segment in Grindhouse...which is the epitome of the films I am talking about here. Maybe Thanksgiving could be looked at as a kind of gateway drug to these "bad" movies in a way...I'm more than okay with that.

So, now that I have completely rambled on about movies that are of the lowest score on IMDB, I should get back to the reason why I am here in the first place. That reason is Jack-O, which I just so happened to write a review of over at Paracinema...The Blog. It fits in perfectly with the films that I am unintentionally ranting about, and should fill your Halloween horror needs if you are looking for something on the trashy side to watch...and it is on Netflix instant watch! I'll tell you one thing, Jack-O is a whole hell of a lot better than Automaton Transfusion.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Dario Argento By James Gracey!

James Gracey is a good friend to Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, and someone I am originally aware of from his contributions to Paracinema Magazine. He also has a great blog titled, Behind the Couch that I have been enjoying for quite some time now where he covers a slew of horror films, all set to a wine of the month that he has so graciously selected to pair up with the films he is covering. He is an amazing writer that has a book on his bread and butter subject, Dario Argento, coming out from Kamera Books on October 22nd, which is only a few days away!

Dario Argento - will cover the whole spectrum of the Italian auters work with a comprehensive and up to date look at his films, along with an accessible introduction to a general readership of Argento's work - that will also appeal to the hardcore fans. Included will be the recent conclusion to his revered Three Mothers Trilogy and talk of the proposed remake of Suspiria that has sparked an interest in Argento's work again, with many critics revaluating his films and his influence on horror cinema. James knows his Argento, and this is a must have if you are a fan of his films in any capacity.

You can find more info on Dario Argento at the Kamera Books website and it is available for pre-order from Amazon for $24.95! If you aren't in the U.S., you can also pick it up through Amazon U.K. and The London Bookshop. Both are selling it for $12 something…they have some weird squiggly line that I have no clue what it means. I'll take a guess and say it's $24.95! Friend of the Norris or not, I wouldn't pimp this one out if I didn't know how great of a writer James is, so this will certainly be money well worth spent!

The Horror Hangover

This weeks Horror Hangover is brought to you by corn apparently, and you shouldn't have too much trouble figuring out why soon enough.

SyFy steps up to the horror plate once again with Children of the Corn IV: The Gathering (1996) at 11:00 AM. This fourth film in the Corn series stars Karen Black and a pre-famous Naomi that could prove interesting. I haven't watched any Corn movie after the original, which I can barely remember to be honest...but at least Black and Watts have something to bring to the table. Hopefully it's turkey to go with that corn! AHHHH!

At noontime, and keeping with the celebration that is known as Chucktober, Return to Halloweentown (2006) will be on the Disney channel. It's the fourth film in the popular Halloweentown series and has something to do with teens going to witch college? I'm not asking you which college, I'm telling you that they're going to witch college silly head! Cause I am a super Halloween dork, I will put stuff like Halloweentown on and watch it for a little bit...that is, until Lady Suzaka decides to call me a little girl. She's a hater.

The Corn keeps-a-coming at 1:00 PM when Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror (1998) shows guessed it, SyFy! This one has a very interesting cast with a pre-female Alexis Arquette, Kane Hodder, one of those douchbag Zappa kids, Fred "The Hammer" Williamson, the yummy Eva Mendes, and the late great David Carradine! That cast is enough alone to generate a little interest in the movie...a little. I'm sure there's some undigested Corn in there too.

More Halloween spooky fun comes to us from the Travel Channel at 2:00 PM with, Mysterious Journeys: The Ghosts of Gettysburg! Gettysburg, PA is known to be one of the most haunted locations in all of America, and nothing says Halloween quite like some real life apparitions and specters!

If you'’re too skerred for real ghosts, then you can just keep on enjoying the Corniest marathon in SyFy history! Children of the Corn 666: Isaac's Return (1999) - returns at 3:00 PM and promises more scares that you could've ever expected to have on a Sunday afternoon spent on your couch holding back vomit! Besides being the number of the beast, this sixth installment marks the return of that creepy as shit John Franklin, who played Isaac in the original Children of the Corn...I know you wanna watch now, how can you miss the return of Isaac?!

My pick for this fine and frightening Sunday afternoon goes not to a movie, but instead, I'm taking you back to the Travel Channel for another episode of Mysterious Journeys: The Witches of Salem at 3:00 PM! The true accounts of the 1692 Salem, Mass. witch trials should be more than fulfilling for your Halloween horror needs, and what better way to spend an afternoon, than with a bunch of witches?! Hold on, I may have an answer to that...

You could turn that afternoon into a dinner date with Children of the Corn: Revelation (2001) at 5:00 on...uhm, SyFy! I wouldn't normally go this late into the day as it is past the hangover window, but how can I leave out the seventh installment of this frighteningly husky series, that is guaranteed to leave your ears deaf from all the screaming! Michael Ironside is in it, and Michael Ironside is awesome, so that may be enough to give this one a whirl. Or not.

Have a great afternoon, drunkards! And non-drunkards, of course!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Scary German Guy is Bitchin' Edition!

Hey there. I don't believe I've seen you around the club before, now have I? If I had, we would already be friends, cause that' I role. Since you haven't been to the hottest club in a three-mile radius of a Circle K, I should give you a tour, along with a history of Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! Christopher Columbus discovered the club in 1492, when he was looking to find a place to kick ass on the dance floor, and pull a couple of broads at the same time. In 1568, Malcolm X decided that the dopest club of all time needed to be brought to a whole new - and dope he invented drum and bass to get the beats a bumpin' and the peoples a jumpin'. In 1752, Joe Namath introduced Ecstasy and the worm to the scene. And finally, in 2009, dj Skele-tone and yours truly opened up a trunk of funk, and continue to bust rhymes and beats, just to loosen them feets. And what better way to keep those feets a movin' then to do so than with Michael Sembello's, Rock Until You Drop?! Hit it, Skele-tone!

We're gonna dance until our hearts stop!! YEAOOOOWA!

Great, Phoebe the phoeb is at the door wanting to get in the club...what does she know about monsters, and hip-hop dancing?

In 1987, Michael Sembello, Dick Rudolph, and Danny Sembello wrote Rock Until You Drop for the greatest kid's horror movie of all time, The Monster Squad. Performed by Michael Sembello, Rock Until You Drop, drops the rock to the point that you just cannot stop. And boy I know I just cannot stop, can you? No video for this one, but who really needs it when you get the best of the best in terms of movie montages! You got poorly cut business cards, Frankenstein in drag, and fat kid being...fat.

Enough of that, I just wanna see that photo of the hot "virgin" neighbor! Someone send her a free pass to the club, or better yet, a free pass to my suite! Then I can show her my Frankenstein’s monster! YAAOWAZAA!! Hopefully she doesn't kick me in the nards!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Give Me Something Good to Eat

What seems like a millennium has passed since the first trailer for Trick 'r Treat, and now all of the anticipation has finally halted to a complete stop with the movie finally sitting comfortably in the disc tray of my DVD player. It came out sometime last week, so by now, everyone, including your mom, has written a review for Michael Dougherty's Halloween themed horror film. I won't go all crazy here with details, as I am sure most horror fans have had their fill of reviews for this movie and already know what needs to be known outside of personal opinion.

However, this is a film that had some major expectations to meet, and it is a film that seems to have divided many a horror fan...maybe not so much divided, as it is more a film that is not overwhelmingly loved by everyone, nor disliked either. I have completely avoided reviews for the sake of keeping my brain free of spoilers, but I do know that people either like, dislike, or are just kind of underwhelmed, by Trick 'r Treat.

For me personally, I really liked it, but I can see why some would not. Trick 'r Treat is a horror movie that even outside of unfair expectations, is geared towards a certain kind of horror fan...better yet, a certain kind of person. That horror fan, that me. It is literally, as if someone opened up my cranium, stirred around the tiny little portion of brain fragments, and dumped out everything I love about the Halloween aesthetic. Every ounce of Trick 'r Treat hits on my love for every little intricate detail that comes along with All Hallows' Eve, from the atmosphere to the costumes, to the locations and right on down to the story.

Trick 'r Treat is an anthology film, but is not told in a direct "this is this story, and this is that story" kind of way, it is more of a Pulp Fiction narrative where characters intertwine and may make decisions that can affect other characters. While the stories are far from original, each one calls back to a different era for me, it is nostalgic in a way - first of all, it is an anthology, something that is not quite as prevalent in movies now, as they were when I was a little gangsta. So that alone pulls on my young little heart strings right there and may cause me to have my nostalgic blinders on firmly.

But it's more than just the anthology thing that gets me all giddy fact, if I could describe the inner makings of Trick 'r Treat in terms that are as simplistic as possible, which in turn, would explain what I like so much about the movie, it would be:

The Trick 'r Treat
Fill a 20 oz Gibraltar glass with ice so it is just over the top
Add 1 oz of Amazing Stories
2 oz of Tales from the Crypt
6 oz of Creepshow
Add a splash of baby blood (or you will catch a roundhouse)
Shake for 7 seconds
Garnish with a cherry and E.C. Comics orange flag
Straw, and serve

Those are ingredients that I love, the ingredients that along with the Halloween aspect - may even cause me to turn a blind eye to some of the issues that the movie does have. And it does have some issues, as I said, the stories are completely unoriginal, and all are things I have read in Creepy or Eerie magazine, or seen in movies and TV shows like Tales From the Darkside/Crypt, and Creepshow. Still, I love those moral tales of terror where someone is punished for their wrongdoings or their mistreatment of even if I can call exactly what is going to happen before it happens, I still get a kick out of it. You could maybe pass it off as classic storytelling, myths and legends are the makings of these stories found within Trick 'r Treat and you aren't always getting a side of original with you order of classic as you may know.

If you think you would enjoy The Trick 'r Treat concoction I made for you, you may enjoy the movie as I did. If you enjoy the holiday of Halloween as I do, once again, you may enjoy the movie as I did. If not, then you may not enjoy the movie, but I don't know, cause I'm not you, now am I? If I was you, how could I hug and hold you dearly? I could get all into the characters, and be more specific with plots, breakdown what I liked about the film technically, and blah, fucking blah. What it all comes down to, and if this makes sense, Trick 'r Treat is not a perfect film, but in many ways, it's a perfect film for me.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Got a Little Captain in You?

Well, that post title is kinda creepy sounding if you think about it, so don't. Captain Lou Albano died this morning at age 76 and my buddy posted this photo over on his Face book page, so I thought it would be cool to share it with the baby eaters of the world. It was taken at the NJ Chiller Theater Expo in January of 2006. Apparently, I was going through my thumbs up in photos glad I got over that! I was a pretty big fan of WWF wrestling when Captain Lou was doing his thing, plus, being in my early 30's, I love The Goonies and he was most famous for being in the "Good Enough" video too. So, it was cool seeing this photo again after not seeing it since it was probably taken, but a bummer that it resurfaced for a not so great reason. RIP Captain Lou.

There's Nothing to Clean, Dude

Director Adam Green posted his 11th annual Halloween short film and I found it to be quite entertaining, so I thought you might too.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Automaton Tran"snooze"ion

Shot in 9 days on a $30,000 budget and released by Dimension Extreme...sounds like a recipe for a horror movie that I would certainly enjoy. Or maybe not. Automaton Transfusion is a 2006 Zombie film written and directed by Steven C. Miller, and for some odd reason got a little positive buzz from the likes of Fango (having the film in their top 10 of '06!), and Bloody Disgusting. I'm not sure what the reviewers were thinking when watching this film, maybe they were thinking that the movie is good, when compared to diarrhea. I still disagree.

When you make a film in 9 days for 30k, I am looking for something creative and smart, even with their limited means. I'm looking for passion, passion that drives a filmmaker, or group of filmmakers to put out the best product they can with everything going against them. I'm also looking for some type of entertainment in the movie, whether it be of a serious nature, or even if it's straight camp, I want to have a sense of fun. I love low budget horror films and I even cut them a lot of slack knowing that they have immense challenges to face with things like no money and time. However Automechanic Transporter is a failure on many levels that budget and time do not seem to make a factor in. It's poor story is not even worth going over as it is completely pointless and similar to so many Zombie films, Zombie films that are much, much better in other areas, therefore, making up for their uncreative story. I'll give you the quickie...and I will include spoilers too, so be warned my child

Teenagers are in high school, some of them go to this lame concert while a bunch of other kids go to some party or a dance at the school. Blah blah blah...Zombies attack the cool concert kids and they try to survive the attack...and also attempt to make it back to the high school to help out any possible survivors. How noble. There is a reason for all this "Zany Zombie Madness," and it has to do with government testing done during 'Nam, where the government tried to create Zombie soldiers to fight on the battlefields, therefore preserving human lives. Blah blah blah again...guess what? The Zombies got out of control, and started craving human flesh! Good thing they did, or else we wouldn't have Automaton Transfusion now would we?!

Big issue with the poor story is, the story is poor!? Okay, the plot is unoriginal, but that can sometimes be okay when you have a well-written script with good dialogue and things actually make sense. In Automatic Transmission, the first Zombie attack on the high school kids happens and then almost the entire town is infected without the main characters knowledge that anything is going on. There was no bridging the gaps, or connecting scene showing how it could have spread from one person to another. I know there were a budget and time concerns, but this could have been done very easily with a quick scene, or a shot even, of a Zombie walking into a crowd of students or something along those lines. Also, outside of the main couple of characters, any supporting characters are lost in translation and serve to be nothing more than people for me to ask myself..."who the fuck is that again?" Time and distance are not of human proportions either...the main group of guys go to a concert an hour away from home, then from the city where the concert is located, it is a half mile to the high school? Or maybe that was explained when I was sleeping...

That's the worst thing ever by the way...a movie that is a scant 75 minutes long, and I am still so bored that I almost feel asleep twice. Automatinence Transatlantic was so boring that I completely lost all interest by the films half way point and just didn't care anymore. If the movie changed pace and got all badass in the second half, or even the last 10 or so minutes, I would have at least gotten something out of it. It never does though - the movie remains boring throughout...biggest offense for a movie in my book. An even bigger complete spoiler territory, but warranted for ending on a "To Be Continued" note! Really? To be continued from 2006 to 2010 when Automaton Transfusion: Contingency is set to come out?! Talk about a cliff hanger!
Maybe the biggest problem is something that was apparently a "stylistic" choice in Automatic Coffeemaker. It's shot on digital, but it looks incredibly awful - like worse that many lower budgeted films I have seen. It would seem that they tried to use a style in the vein of Danny Boyle's 28 Days Later with the DV looking documentary type shaky-cam. That was Danny Boyle; he is an amazing filmmaker and can pull of such a look and style with his masterful film making skill. This is a $30,000 dollar movie from a first time director. It is very hard to make out any of the action in the film at all, and the entire time it looks like the movie is missing every other frame as it jerks around and looks all blurry. Terrible decision.
"Every generation has a horror film that defines its culture" claims the trailer for Automated Transponder. If your culture is hardcore music, then maybe. I've always been kind of a fan of hardcore music, so I can dig some of the music in the film, but it doesn't fit most of the time and feels like it is put in because it's music that the filmmakers like, not music that fits in with any scene in particular. It is very distracting to say the least...especially when they mix in that hybrid hardcore/emo crap where the vocalist sings all pretty - then screams in retaliation to his previous pussy singing. Really annoying. It's as if they think that what they are into is they way of life that will overcome all ways of life with such an obnoxious blanket statement about culture. I feel like Automaton Transfusion is an excuse to make a movie so they can have friends wearing cool band shirts and play their favorite music instead of focusing on story and film making. "This is our movie, for our generation!" Eat me.

Along with that lack of focus, comes the over focus of being all to horror movie hip. There is an eye gouge scene (that is well done) that is clearly inspired by Fulci, there is also a scene where the kids gear up for battle, ala, "tool shed" from Evil Dead II. They even go as far to have a character pick up a chainsaw and mutter the line "Ash would be proud!" No, he wouldn't. This is something that can be fun in a movie occasionally, but those homage’s in particular are way over done and are not so cute and fun anymore.

There were a few okay things about Automobile Traction, the acting wasn't too bad for a an independent/no-budge. horror movie, and while the dialogue wasn't very good, there were a few fun lines. One being when a character punches a Zombie in the head and knocks him out, he then calls the Zombie an asshole. It's funny to me at least. Rick Gonzalez does the make up which was a major stand out in this otherwise pile of crap movie. One scene, a girl gets her jaw ripped clean off her face. It looks great and very realistic...and it's a complete waste of an awesome gag - I think it should be inserted into Dance of the Dead or something that is actually decent. The only other cool thing that happened was when a pregnant girl gets her baby pulled right from out of her belly by a Zombie, who then, in true Chuck Norris fashion, takes a few bites out of it - the mom replies with "Oh my baby!" How about your stomach?! Outside of those scenes and a few others, the blood and grue are wasted due to the Parkinson's style of camera work.

One other stand out in a movie that is shot in 9 days is the multiple locations and how good they all look. They did a smart job filming this movie so quickly in so many different places, and I applaud that time management aspect. However, maybe more time could have been spent on a more personal movie with time spent to develop a better plot and story instead of cramming in all of this epic Zombie Apocalypse stuff. I still have to give it props either way as it is impressive, but it doesn't help the movie for me at all.

So, Automaton Transpooper is a complete waste of time, and I can't even suggest it to hardcore fans of Zombie films and low budget horror movies. There's potential, sure, but it is wasted on the wrong things. Filmmakers that are too concerned with the music and trying play hip and cool, instead of focusing on a decent story and originality. I have no desire to ever see this movie again, however, I do have the slightest of interest in the sequel just to see if anything was learned form the downfalls of the first film. I will add one more thing before I go, and it is positive. If you are a budding Independent filmmaker, Automatic Carwash does have a decent behind the scenes doc and commentary that will prove to be a helpful tool for those looking to learn a little somethin'-somethin'. Though, you have to skip over the two music videos that are included on the disc...

Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Horror Hangover

First of all, I want to sincerely thank everyone for all the great feedback and kind words on the first edition of The Horror Hangover! You all might not have as many kind things to say after this Sunday afternoons slate of films that I have lined up for you...but I didn't have much to choose from either. Plus, you're hung-over, so you'll probably nap through half of the movies if you decide to watch any of them anyways. You would think that with Halloween creepin' and crawlin' closer by the day, there would be more decent horror films on Sunday at noontime, but that really isn't the case. So please, bear with me here.

First up at 11:00 AM we have BloodRayne II: Deliverance (2007) on Sy Fy. Directed by Uwe "I completely appreciate him" Boll, BloodRayne II takes the popular Vampire franchise (HA HA!) and plops it dead smack in the middle of the 1880's Wild West, where Rayne has to stop the vampire version of Billy the Kid (HA HA HA!) and his undead posse of vampire cowboys! I personally have learned to love and enjoy the work of cinema master, Uwe Boll, but most people hate his movies and him. If Boll's movies aren't your bag, then you may still find some fun in this one since it is on at 11:00 AM and you are probably still a little drunk from the night before. Oh, and Natassia Malthe is pretty hot too...if that's your thing.

At 12:00 PM you can double your pleasure with Twitches Too (2007) on The Disney channel! No, it's not about crack or meth addicts, but it does star Tamera and Tia Mowry, who are best known for their genre film work in the classic horror television series, Sister, Sister. I didn't bother to look up the details about the plot of Twitches Too, but I do know that you will need a double take to take in all the double trouble these two teen witch's have in store for you! Betcha that BloodRayne II ain't looking so bad now, huh?

1:00 PM brings us yet another Vampire movie with Rise: Blood Hunter (2007) palying on (thank the heavens for) Sy Fy. Rise stars the delectable Lucy Liu and Vic Mackey himself, Michael Chiklis - who puts in a performance worthy of a deli it's so hammy! I will go with Rise: Blood Hunter as your best bet for this Sundays Horror Hangover - I actually think this film is not too bad, and not that you would or should, but if expectations are in line and not too high, you will find some enjoyment out of this little Vampire film. Lucy Liu is great and there is nothing hotter than O-Ren Ishii with a set of fangs and covered in blood, well, outside of Chiklis doing his best Chiklis imitation that is.

And just before it's time for you to finally role off the couch, Prom Night (2008) is on ENC at 2:40 PM. You know all about the Prom Night remake, I did a write up for it myself over at Paracinema a few months ago, and while it inspired some good thought, it does so for the wrong reasons. The movie is pretty shit ball, but if you were up late last night doing more than drinkin' alcohol and you still just can't get up and off the couch by this time, then I guess you could watch Prom Night. Here is my question though, I have no idea what this ENC channel is...I looked it up, but it was a pain in the dick trying to find anything out about it. I think it's an Encyclopedia Channel or something? I don't know - maybe no one has ENC and therefore no one will have to be subjected to the poopieness of Prom Night "08!

Well, hopefully next Sunday will bring a little more in the quality dept. as by then we will be knee deep in Chucktober (!), but there are at least a couple of things to check out while wasting away the day this fine Sunday afternoon. Make sure to drink plenty of water!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: You're So Cool Brewster Edition!

Whoa...ladies, ladies...we have a dress code here at the club, it's business casual. As in, it's my business to casually get into your pants! Had ya sweatin' there for a know the only dress code at Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!! is at some point tonight, each one of you has to wear me! YEOWOWOWAA! We have a sick party going on tonight, and an even sicker song to jam out to! The one the only, dj Skele-tone is in the mood for a little necking tonight - question is, out of all you fine ladies out there on da dance floor, who's it gonna be tonight?! It's Fright Night by The J Geils Band! Hey, Skele-tone...drop that beat son!

Aw jeez, tell me that isn't Steven if we already didn't have enough room to dance on a Friday night...sheesh.

Fright Night was performed by The J. Geils Band (?!) for the 1985 classic Vampire film of the very same name, Fright Night! I did not even know there was a video for this song until I was literally writing this post - I was planning on using a fan made one instead and I even was commenting on how I wish there was a video! Of course, the one on You Tube was Disabled By An Asshole, so I did some searching and found this video. And boy, am I glad I did! It is so in the running against the one and only, Big Trouble in Little China for best song and video at a dance party! First off, the cute little move they do while under the covers right at the beginning, shows how much fun they had making this video, and how much fun they had in bed together. I love the Peter Vincent quadruple take stake attack, and Geils has got to be wearing some Air Jordan's to be able to jump with such vertical height! Geils versus Bird perhaps? This video rocks!

Back to the task at hand though, which is to find a way for you three ladies and I to make out! HOWZZA-OOOH! I feel frisky! And if you don't believe me, I got the proof right here! Watch...I can carry all three of your purses at the same time!

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