Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Once Upon A Time in Nazi Occupied Paracinema...

Oh boy! Enzo G. Castellari is really on the mind - first off, the entire month of September has been dedicated to the films of the prolific director over at Assorted Loaf, and there are a ton of great reviews to check out covering a wide variety of Castellari's film work. That would be a perfect segue into my very own review of Castellari's The Inglorious Bastards which can be found over at Paracinema...The Blog! How exciting! I've been dying to watch this film forever and even though there are a slew of reviews for the film written about the movie across the blogosphere recently, I still could not resist tossing in my .10 cents.

Castellari has made some fantastic films, and he is a director that should be a little more championed for his work outside of The Inglorious Bastards and the Tarantino connection. He has covered a slew of genres, genres that we all love, or should love at least! Westerns, Apocalyptic films, Euro Crime, War films...Hell, he even covered the Animals attack genre with his film Great White (L' Ultimo Squalo 1980) which made a bit of a "splash" for being pulled from theaters as it was a blatantly obvious rip off of the Steven Spielberg classic, Jaws!

Castellari is technically a very skilled director, and I would be hard missed to not suggest checking out some of his Euro Crime films, and most notably for me would have to be The Big Racket (Il Grande Racket 1976) staring the sexiest Italian guy named Fabio alive, Fabio Testi! First of all, the movie has some crazy cool music in it, but I don't want to get off track here - there is one scene in particular where Testi's character is attacked in his car by a group of thugs, when they all join forces to flip his car over a ledge. As the car roles over, the camera is in the car focused on Testi's face as he is being rolled down this hill in the car and it makes for one hell of a slow-motion reaction shot with his hair flipping around, and glass flying everywhere. In addition, you have to consider that this is a low budget Italian film, so you know that it is all real and done without the concern for safety found in today's cinema. You can see a portion of the shot starting at the 40-second mark of the trailer I provided below.

What'd I say? Pretty cool right?! So, I would love if you all spent a few moments to head over to Paracinema...The Blog and read my review of Castellari's The Inglorious Bastards. Also make sure to check out Pickleloaf's blog for a dozen or so Castellari film reviews that would make for a great guidance tool for any film fan new to the filmmakers work.

You can read my review at Paracinema by clicking here! So easy!

Vengeance Will Be Mine!!

And in completely fucking awesome news, over at Twitch I found the goods on Palisades Tartan's official release for the super duper 8 disc box set of Park Chan-wook's Vengeance Trilogy!! It is set to come out on November 24th which is way sooner than I expected, and it will certainly be on my Christmas list, but chances are I will not be able to wait that long! This is the definitive set of the holy revenge trilogy and will feature everything found on all other releases of the three films plus a slew of added awesomeness! In case you do not know, the trilogy consists of: Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance (2002), Oldboy (2003), and the third film Lady Vengeance (aka Sympathy For Lady Vengeance 2005). A trilogy of films in theme only, and that theme is VENGEANCE!

Here are just some of the extras announced for this über set...

Each film is recorded in their original language (Korean) and offer English and Spanish subtitles. Each title is presented in anamorphic widescreen, Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound and DTS Surround Sound 5.1.Special features include an essay on each film by celebrated filmmakers, actors and writers, including Eli Roth... Additional features include but are not limited to Audio commentary by Park Chan-Wook and actor Ryoo Seung-wan (SYMPATHY FOR MR. VENGEANCE), Behind the Scenes, The Process of Mr. Vengeance, My Boksu Story, Storyboards, Photo Gallery, Filmographies, Film Notes, Crew Interviews, Three Audio Commentaries (OLDBOY), 5 Behind the Scene featurettes, Le Grand Prix at Cannes, Deleted Scenes with commentary, Regular and Fade-To-White versions (LADY VENGEANCE), Character Interviews - Lee Geum Ja, Prof. Baek, Prisoners, Families, Lady Vengeance at the 62nd Venice Film Festival, Trailer, Film Notes, Making of and Deleted Scenes.

And that is just what they are telling us for now - who knows what surprises we have in store! I cannot wait to see every little extra to be found on this amazing set, and I will happily spend the time to engulf myself in every detail of some of the finest cinema ever put to celluloid, for as long as I can before I start seeing ants of my own! I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I love these films, and Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance is right there as one of my top two favorite films of all time. Don't front, it is a movie that deserves more than a couple of viewings to truly appreciate the masterpiece that is Mr. Vengeance. At one point, it was even my least favorite of the trilogy, so that says something about the film's strength after multiple sit throughs.

Possibly the one thing I am most excited for is the "Fade-to-White" version of Lady Vengeance...I had heard about this before and it is a mesmerizing idea to say the least. I can only wonder how this technique will effect a film that almost moves in a way like water that is slowly boiling down to the point where there is nothing left. I am so pumped for this to come out on November 24th and my calendar is marked with a wad of excitement! I just hope it is reasonably priced...I would guess between $50-$80 bucks, which would be a great price for all you are getting in the set. It would be great if it weren't too much over than that price range...I would hate to lose out on any other Christmas presents because it's too expensive!

Sunday, September 27, 2009


Bronson follows the true story of Britain's most dangerous prisoner, Michael Peterson aka Charles Bronson. He was a man who just wanted to become famous, a man who wanted to make a name for himself, but his idea of fame and notoriety was found by being the baddest dude in the cell block. Well, more like the baddest dude in any cell block to be exact and Peterson had no problem achieving that status as he beat the shit out of anyone that he felt like at anytime he felt like. His biggest targets were often police officers and prison guards, but no one was ever really safe from his spontaneous attacks of violence. While doing some street fighting to earn a little cash during a very short-lived stint spent free and outside of prison, Peterson adopted the moniker Charles Bronson as his fighting name. There was very little time spent out of prison for Peterson, as he was in jail for 34 years, 30 of which was spent in solitary confinement. Oh...and he was originally sentenced to only 7 years! So that tells you something about his behavior right there.

Bronson is told in a breaking the fourth wall capacity, as it is Peterson himself that guides us on this violent journey through his life. Often you will be face to face with the man as he is on stage performing for an auditorium of fans with you - the viewer - being one of them. Sometimes with a narrative such as this, it can be considered lazy story telling, but in the case of Bronson, it is very fitting that he be telling his story in this way. "Bronson" is an egomaniac, and in his mind, there would be an auditorium of people cheering his every word and laughing at all of his jokes. It is also fitting, as Bronson would have you hear everything from his perspective and his point of view. Bronson is sort of presented like a stage play in how it is structured, with many of the set pieces almost set up by Bronson himself. He is the glue that ties up all of the scenes; he fills in the gaps if you will.

Each "set piece" is a balls out, visual tour de force of well-crafted shots. An array of camera movements, angles, and a multitude of colors are used to compliment the mood in each scene. These narrative and style choices are a major departure from Bronson's director, Nicolas Winding Refn's previous work, namely the Pusher trilogy. The Pusher trilogy is more akin to documentary film with an intimate and close up look at Denmark's underground crime world, where you feel like you are right there along with the characters in those movies. Though, as with Bronson, you are pretty much only following one singular character throughout the is one person's story. I love how the fight scenes are handled, and they aren't over the top as they are more realistic in how they are handled in a visual sense, but still very well done. There are a few times where some sass is tossed in to make the fighting scenes stand out over the average movie brawl, like one fight in particular, the hitting sounds are replaced by the sounds of lasers. Punches that sound like lasers must really hurt...

Bronson is a film that rarely comes around - not to say that there aren't plenty of amazing independent or foreign films floating the waters of the cult cinema wasteland, it's just Bronson has a bit more...pizzazz than your average cult film. Maybe the perfect way to describe Bronson would house cult film?! I think so, not sure if that would be the general consciences or not though. There is a film that is magnificent in Bronson, but there is also a part of the film that lay in a vat of off beat confusion and over doneness...too much artistic flair maybe? I have heard the word pretentious used to describe Bronson, and it is to a certain extent, however, the movie would probably not reach the highs it does with out a little bit of pretentiousness.

One thing that makes me think Bronson will be in my long-term movie rotation, is one great scene in particular that for some reason stuck with me. It happens when Peterson/Bronson is trapped in an insane asylum that was meant to keep him from feeding his hunger for prison notoriety through the use of violence. The scene itself is set to the awesome Pet Shop Boys song, It's A Sin (which is the tune found in the trailer) and there is a sort of dance party (like those Freddy ones?!) going on. With all of the mental patients grooving and moving, a drugged up Bronson is trying to figure out a way out of the asylum, but it isn’t gonna happen. I love the way it's shot, and I find it so telling of the character that even while being subdued by medications, he still has the thought in his mind to try get out of the asylum. He stumbles around almost like an infant, trying to get what he wants, and even his reactions to the orderlies are that of an infantile mind. The song itself just adds to what is an oddly haunting and entertaining scene, with some of the best dance moves by mental patients I have ever witnessed.

If one thing about Bronson is true, it's that I was completely captivated and gripped by the character of Michael Peterson/Charlie Bronson, with a performance by Tom Hardy that is simply mesmerizing, and proving the lack of credibility the Academy has. Hardy is perfect as Peterson/Bronson, and that is what makes Bronson fantastic. It's a make or break role and Hardy makes that shit all the way. I am most recently familiar with Hardy as Handsome Bob in the wonderful Guy Ritchie film, RocknRolla. Hardy was pretty good in that film too, but his role in Bronson could not be any more different, and he is almost unrecognizable as the films titular character. One of his more stand out moments is when he reenacts a conversation between himself and a nurse while on stage in front of the before mentioned audience...I won't go into detail, but he is phenomenal in what is a strange, yet interesting way to handle a portion of the film's story.

This character transforms from Peterson to Bronson, where by the end of the film there is almost no sign of the slightly more sensible Peterson left to be seen. This is all pulled off with Hardy's stellar performance, this transformation is also captured in a visual way with an array of stylistic, and artistic choices with the look of the character via things like nudity and paint used to cover his face and body. It really works well at the end of the film, where all of this comes together with the obvious choice Peterson makes in how he shall live the rest of his Michael Peterson, or Charles Bronson.

Of course there have been the comparisons to the Stanley Kubrick masterpiece, A Clockwork Orange, in which Bronson is referred to as that film for the 21st century. I'm sure many would argue that Bronson is nowhere near Kubrick's milestone film, but there are very few films that could be quite as comparable. I have sat with the images and characters of A Clockwork Orange for over 16 years and seen the film at least a couple dozen times, so we'll see where Bronson stands in another 10 or so years, before I can discredit it as not being a masterpiece along the lines of Clockwork. It's just way to soon. As I said, it is comparable in the intense stylistic imagery and the way the story is told right down to the great musical choices that are found throughout Bronson. Personally, I would call it A Clockwork Orange meets Hard Times, which incidentally stared Charles Bronson...the filmmakers of Bronson may use that blurb if necessary!

When watching the film a few days ago, I felt slightly disappointed in it at times, but really only during the second act of the movie where things get a bit confused and feel over thought. However, after having Bronson sit in my cranium for a few days, and even writing about it now, I know this film is more than worthy of multiple looks. There is so much intelligence and talent that is laid out before the viewer, and there will be a lot to appreciate and take out of this film over multiple viewings throughout my movie watching lifetime. In addition, I should add that my "copy" of Bronson kicked the bucket, and much to my anger, I could not watch the last 5 minutes of the film. I get the gist of what was going to happen, and I understand the point of the ending, but it is a finale that I am not happy to have missed as the film and character of Bronson are truly completed by this eruption of an ending. Therefore, I am reviewing this movie incomplete, but it does give me another excuse to watch it again.

Friday, September 25, 2009

The Halloween Countdown Tree Takes Over Chuck Norris Ate My Baby!

Thanks to one of my friends, I found this nifty little thingamabobber aka the Halloween Countdown Tree on Face book and I just had to have it for the blog! It is a bit intrusive, but still very cool, and I love knowing the very second, how long before it is time to celebrate Halloween! So, unless you all hate the sight of this thing (and I would take that into consideration), it will be right here at the top of the page reminding you that the time dress up and get down is almost near!

This Baby Ate Chuck Norris!

Somewhere, Chuck Norris is salivating...

...I might need a to go container.

Wish I Could Experience Some Paranormal Activity...

If you have been following the hot horror stories recently or more specifically today, you may have heard about the limited release of Paranormal Activity in theaters this weekend. If you are not aware of the movie, it is about a couple that decide to do a little of their own investigating (with the use of home video equipment) when they are experiencing some intense "Paranormal Activity" in their new home. The film is directed by Oren Peli and has gotten insanely positive reviews - the news over at Bloody Disgusting is 4,500 waited in one line alone to see their screening of the latest in independent vérité styled fright cinema. That is just crazy! And it gets me excited for the film as all of this will hopefully get some gears moving, and get it into more theaters! Paranormal Activity is a film I have been dying to see for what feels like forever and I hope it does make its way to a theater near me, though there isn't many cinemas down my end, there still could be a chance. One of the big marketing things has been the Demand It! strategy, where all you have to do is a little clicky click and enter your zip code and crap, hopefully resulting in the movie generating enough interest to play in your hood. Even if you do not want to see the film, it would be cool as ice if you did the Demand It! thing anyways, just to show some support for an independent horror film -'s up to YOU to take back horror in theaters!

Here is a link to the films website, along with a link to the Demand It! thing...this movie deserves more than a limited release, and if we learned one thing from The Blair Witch Project, there is plenty of room for low-budget creatively made horror in our cinemas. Lets make room for Paranormal Activity!

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Bring Your Daughter to the "Slaughter" Edition!

What up daaawg?! First off, I would hate to lead you astray with the title of this post, as the song Bring Your Daughter to the Slaaaaaaaugh-ter! is in fact a song written for a Nightmare film. In fact, it was originally recorded and released by a solo Bruce Dickinson for A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, but there was never a Nightmare themed video made for the song (bummer!), and as you will find out, the title of this post is more than fitting for our jammity jammy jam this fine Friday evening! And oh boy, this is the Friday to check out the hottest club in a 2 mile radius - Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!!! Whoop whoooo! Tonight's Dance Part-tay marks the big comeback of the one - the only - the always SKELE-TOOOOOONE! Ladies, ladies...please, keep your shirts on! I understand your excitement about Skele-tone's return, but save it for later! *cough*preferably when we're alone*cough* You know when dj Skele-tone is here, you will be shaking that tight little rear, and it looks to be no different dear, as he has brought with him a copy of Love Kills performed by glam gods, Vinnie Vincent Invasion!! Let's get this party started!

Oh great...who invited Ricky Rachtman?! There goes all our street cred!

Love Kills was released in 1988 by the Vinnie Vincent Invasion for their second album, All Systems Go, but more notably appeared on the soundtrack for A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master. Vinnie Vincent Invasion consisted of band founder and former Kiss guitarist, Vinnie Vincent with Dana Strum on bass, Bobby Rock on drums, and after a changing of the metal god guard, Mark Slaughter (get it now?!) belting the vocals. I am very familiar with almost every video presented here at Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party, but Love Kills has for whatever reason, completely escaped my knowledge - though, that could partially be due to the video never being featured on any of the DVD releases.

I do dig this solid little rock ballad and the video is great too, being filled with some clips from the film intertwined with the rock! Also, it appears that the band is performing in the same church where Alice and Freddy have there face off at the end of Dream Master, or more famously, the place where Freddy screamed "It's a boy!" in Dream Child. Outside of the Nightmare clips, I was extremely pumped when I saw the Headbangers Ball logo...but the star is truly the band. I love how the video starts, with Mark (that's what I call him) walking around slowly, elegantly even, with the wind flowing through his gorgeous hair…wind caused by the power of his magical voice! I really do hope you stuck it out to the end of the video - it would be a shame for you to miss the guitarist as he decides to shred whilst wearing a Freddy glove, where he then proceeds to do an "Oh stop it!" motion at the camera. It is truly menacing, yet sexy! Moreover, I did see a windmill guitar move that was not relevant to the music all, and that is exactly why it rules.

Okay, I have more than exceeded my time here tonight, so let's get back to the dancin' and romancin'!'s the time to remove your shirts, cause I'm feeling a little frisky! And hopefully your feeling a little risky, as I am a breeding ground for STDs!! Hey...we're all about giving here at Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

2009 Hot Zombie Award for Excellence in Horror Blogging!

Man, after a mention in Paracinema magazine, things just keep going in the direction of positive when it comes to Eating Babies...Chuck Norris style! Tonight I was informed that Chuck Norris Ate My Baby received another award - I received a bunch back when I started Eating Babies, and those moments were certainly proud ones, but to receive an award of this magnitude is epic to say the least. What is the award you ask? It's "The 2009 HOT ZOMBIE AWARDS: For Excellence in Horror Blogging!" and my award specifically was for the "Blog With the Catchiest Title, EVAH!" This was presented to me by one of the big dogs in horror blogging, Pax Romano over at the finest of the fine horror blogs, Billy Loves Stu! Thanks Pax, I am beyond excited to be recognized by someone as dope as yourself!

In return, I would like to explain the birth of the title Chuck Norris Ate My Baby in honor of receiving an award for that specific title...I was thinking about starting my own blog, but had no clue what to call it. It was pretty late, probably after work, so I would guess around one or two in the A.M. and I was eating a bowl of cereal when it came to me...“Chuck Norris Ate My Cereal!!” Not bad, I thought...then, in a flash of brilliance, and maybe because of a hunger for innocence, in my head popped, "Chuck Norris Ate My Baby!" I thought it was magical to be honest with you, and I guess my so-called brilliance has paid off as I have been recognized for it with this sick ass award!

Also in return, I would like to honor Pax with an award that may make him puke with is the honorary "Chuck Norris Black Belt of Blogging" award! this is an award that will be very difficult to accept as it holds power beyond all that is known by man, but I think Pax can handle that shit! Thanks Pax!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Halloween? Did somebody say....Halloween?!

And so it begins - the yearly decorating for my favorite of holidays, Halloween! I'm super excited to be able to share some of my Halloween love with you all through Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, and I'm sure there will be more than a few posts concerning the subject of Ol' Hallow's Eve. In my first Halloween themed post, I thought I would share with you a couple of photos of my so far decorations! Here, at the front door of the ol' Baby Eating lair, I have put together a nice conglomeration of horror imagery with a couple of sick looking gravestones that I have had in my "possession" forever, a random skull and hand, along with my newest addition, the skull dude with cloak that I bought for a measly $10! In the window of the front door, you will notice an Eaten Baby skeleton just hanging around, along with some masterfully done spider webs! There will be more added to this as I will put some tight pumpkins going down the stairs for added awesome Halloween effect and I'm sure I will find something cool in stores to add - in any event, I think it looks quite nice so far!

One of the coolest things about the new Baby Eating lair is, there's a fireplace! And where there's a fireplace, there's a mantle for me to cover with Halloween goodies! It may be hard to see everything on the mantle, but I have the mummy dude and the three headed dude (or dudes?) that came from Yankee Candle thanks to the awesome, Lady-Suzaka. There is the skeleton faux candle holder that if you notice only has one light that is working...well, I've had that thing for about 16 years, but some of the other lights will all of the sudden start working from outta no it's possessed! So I don't replace them 'cause I'm weird like that. I love the glass pumpkin candy holder that we got a few years ago, but I had no candy to put in it yet, so I put a couple packages of Ramen noddles in there for the time being. I should point out, if you look closely, you will see the one and only Bruce Campbell and myself in that picture!

Alright, that is enough excitement outta me for now...I'm sure I will be back soon with some more Halloween love, but in the meantime, there are a few blogs that I will direct you to that love to share the Halloween wealth! The first one is Freddy in Space - Not just specifically a Halloween themed blog, as it is a horror blog in general, but John loves Halloween and often puts up some great and very fun posts concerning the Season of the Witch. Another one is, Frog on the Pumpkin - A full on Halloween themed blog filled with all sorts of haunts and scares for any Halloween fiend to enjoy and love! Any suggestions for good Halloween themed blogs, or if you have any good Halloween stories, please feel free to share them!

Chuck Norris Ate My Baby Featured in Paracinema Magazine!!

Only about a week ago, I posted about the newest issue of Paracinema Magazine, issue 7 to be exact. I received my copy in the mail today, and while thumbing through the issue before I left the house for a long ass day of errand running and doctor's appointments, I made a discovery. What is that discovery you ask? Well, every issue of Paracinema has a section titled "Dawn of the Blog," which spotlights a cult film blog in every issue. And much to my delight, this very own blog that you are reading right here, Chuck Norris Ate My Baby is the Dawn of the Blog feature for issue 7! As some of you may know, in the past year I have been all over CNN, in Cosmo, but I am beyond elated about being featured in Paracinema Magazine for my blogging efforts! Pick up issue 7 (here) so you can read the overly kind words that were written about CNAMB, and while you’re at it, read some of the amazing articles that are in there...I know I can’t wait to read the one about Candyman and the history of Chicago’s Cabrini Green Housing Projects, amongst many other great articles! Thanks to the adorable Dylan and the lovely Christine for showing some love by partaking in the Baby Eating...Chuck Norris shall never Eat their Babies. Unless they want him to that is...

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Totally Tubular Trailers!

Hello my pretty little princesses! I got a couple of great little trailers to share with you all in this edition of Totally Tubular Trailers. I hope that you all see something that you have not yet seen, and hopefully your interest is piqued as was mine when I initially watched these trailers! Well, enough flirting...lets do this!

First up is a Thai film titled, Slice that once again brings together writer, Wisit Sasanatieng and director, Kongkiat Komesiri. Slice's story has been compared to Silence of the Lambs wherein after the murder of a government officials son, the police seek the help of an imprisoned former hit man turned informant to help them bring in a serial killer that has been mutilating the genitalia of the antagonist's male victims (YACK!). The hit man agrees to helps them, in return for his freedom of course, but there's a stiplulation - the hit man’s wife is also held hostage to ensure he does what he has promised, which is catch the murderer within a 15 day time frame. You will see some great visuals and nice looking and highly stylized color palates used in this trailer, along with a hefty dose of violence and some bloodshed. No English a be a spoken with this trailer, but as with any trailer I put up without subs or dubbing, it is well worth the watch.

Next up, and in holy crap...I can't wait for this one news, here is the teaser for Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy. I would take an educated guess and say you already have figured out the subject matter of this upcoming documentary - of course, it covers the legacy of my favorite horror franchise, A Nightmare on Elm Street! *Cue the cheers* Just in time for the Nightmare remake His Name Was Jason director, Daniel Farrands takes a "stab" at Freddy Kruger in this upcoming two disc DVD set (!!). I LOVE documentaries, and even more so when they are ones about movies...and even more so when they are covering movies as important to me as the Nightmare series. His Name Was Jason was... okay, but I really hope for much better when it comes to the man of our dreams, maybe something along the lines of the fantastic Halloween doc, 25 Years of Terror?! No release date yet on Never Sleep Again, but I would gamble that it will be out before the remake hits theaters, which is slated for April.

Our last trailer for this warm and snugly evening, belongs to yet another Thai film, the female driven action flick, Vanquisher. Vanquisher follows bad-ass female CIA agent, Genja (Sophita Sribanchean) as she becomes the victim of the very same agency that she works for, when they set her up to be assassinated. Of course you know that shit ain't gonna happen easily and this fine ass femme fatale is gonna put up one heck of a fight...all while looking fine as all hell! This trailer is filled with some of the most insane, over the top, nonstop action and it looks like it will deliver everything and anything you would want in an action film. It will be a while before we find out if it does deliver on the goods promised in this trailer, as Vanquisher opens it Thailand in November of this year, with no U.S. release date as of this time.

That about does it - hope you saw something you had not before, and even more so, I hope you enjoyed what you saw in my small collection of trailers this time around.

Monday, September 21, 2009

A Lonely Matt-suzaka Weeps at Paracinema...The Blog!

Hey hey! Just posted a review for the Pink film A Lonely Cow Weeps at Dawn, brought to us by the good people over at Pink Eiga! Pink Eiga is the go to distribution company for Pink films, and they have put out quite a large number of interesting titles since their inception only a few years ago. For those of you who do not already know, Pink Eiga (or Pink Film) is a low budget, Japanese soft-core erotic film that usually covers genres along the lines of action and general sexploitaion. Sometimes delving into other genres like comedy and drama, Pink films are a huge market in their native Japan, and have become increasingly popular over here in the states as of late. According to someone that knows more than I do, there are rules that must be followed to make a Pink film...umm, Pink?!

1. The film must have the requisite number of sex scenes (typically a minimum of five).
2. The film must be approximately one hour in length (perfect for the Pink Eiga triple-bill format).
3. It must be shot on 35 mm film (or occasionally 16mm) in a week and finished within one month.
4. The film must be completed within an extremely limited budget (around $35,000 US).

Okay, hope someone learned something out of all that jibber jabber...there is a whole lot more when it comes to Pink films and their many genre incarnations, so check out the wiki page for some more info. I personally enjoy what I have seen from the Pink Eiga company, though the films are real good at making you feel slightly uncomfortable in all their insanely sexual glory, as was the case with A Lonely Cow Weeps at Dawn - which is possibly the strangest movie to make it's way into any review I have ever done. Watch the NSFW trailer below, and you will get an idea what I mean!

Now, don't let that trailer scare you completely off! It is super odd and totally unacceptable for some, but there is more there than meets the eye. If you are curious as to what I mean, then now would be a great time to go ahead and click on the link and read my review! Hope you enjoy!

Paracinema...The Blog: A Lonely Cow Weeps at Dawn

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Knock-knock...Who's there? My Top 5 Funniest Cult Movie Moments!

Wocka wocka wocka! Thought I would take this time to compile a list of some of my favorite funny film moments. Keeping with the content that I normally post about, I will not include classic comedy scenes from the likes of Caddy Shack, or The Jerk, and other films of that ilk. Instead, I choose to do scenes from cult films that fit in with the normal Baby Eating subject matter, but even then, I will stay away from the more obvious films, such as An American Werewolf in London, or Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn. I could probably make this a top 30 list and 1 through 30 could be from Troll 2 alone, and to be honest with you, it would still probably be wicked funny. However, I cannot go the easy rout and I did put some thought into it, while also putting as much variety in the types of films these scenes stem from. And now, the list shall begin…

5. Mars Attacks - This is what it sounds like, when doves cry

I had a ton of trouble finding a shorter clip, so just fast forward to around bad. Oh, and it's in French too, but that kinda makes it funnier?!

This entire scene is comedy at its best in how it’s built up and ultimately executed, but I am more concentrating on a certain smaller moment in the fantastically funny, Tim Burton alien invasion classic, Mars Attacks. Not even sure if it’s that funny to anyone else, but to me, it’s flat out hysterical…the scene that the actual moment takes place in, is when the Martians first meet with the leaders of the world. Things seem to be going great and so far the Martians thankfully seem friendly and peaceful…that is until a silly hippie type decides to express his patchouli happiness by releasing a dove into the air in honor of peace! The shirt he is wearing and how he softly sets free the dove into the air as he says, “They came in peace” is so funny to me. Even better, is when the Martians flip out from the sight of the flying creature and immediately shoot it down, turning it into nothing more than a pile of burnt up incense. Nice job ya hippie jerk off!

4. Kung Fu Hustle - Have a knife day

Love Stephen Chow and love Kung Fu Hustle. It’s just a super fun mix of amazing Martial Arts fighting, drama, and of course, the reason why I bring it up, humor. Kung Fu Hustle, along with most the films on this list, has a ton of great comedic moments and/or scenes that could easily make this top 5 list that I have put together for you. With that said, one of my favorite comedy scenes in the film is when Sing, (played by Chow) and his good pal Bone (played by Chi Chung Lam), plan to take out the dreaded landlady to prove themselves to the almighty Axe gang. Sing and Bone are quite inept when it comes to gangbangin’ and the result is Sing being stuck with more sharp implements than Pinhead. I love how well the physical humor is done in this film and especially in this scene; one of the best moments is when Sing meets Indiana Jones’ worst fear, snakes. Perfectly executed and the look on his face is just priceless.

3. Pieces - Cobra Kai, never die!

Not unlike Troll 2, Pieces is a film that is filled with numerous funny moments. One of my personal favs is when the character of Mary (Lynda Day George) is attacked by an Asian man - that of course knows KARATE! After this jumpsuit jump-kicker gives this bitch a beat down, he just passes out!? Why? Well, you find out when Kendall (Ian James) shows up and informs Mary that the man is non other than his Kung fu professor, and as the man from Hong Kong comes to, he explains that it must have been some bad Chop Suey that he had eaten, that may have caused the lapse in judgment! After his great explanation for assaulting a woman, he just says “See you later!” to Mary and Kendall, then jogs off into the darkness as if nothing happened, with no charges pressed whatsoever. Not sure what sense that makes, but it’s fucking hysterical for sure. I think when you beat-up a pretty blond lady, you are in for a tough night in the slammer, but that’s not the case with Pieces…maybe Chris Brown could take some notes and try the bad Chop Suey excuse next time.

2. Jack Frost - Snowman does a little plowing of his own…

I haven’t seen Jack Frost in so long, but I will always remember that one scene that anyone who has watched the film will remember with great psychotic glee. I’m sure it’s obvious that I am not referring to the “Jack Frost that is getting a second chance to be the world's coolest dad... if he doesn't melt first.” I of course mean the Jack Frost with the pissed off killer snowman, and the scene is when Shannon Elizabeth uses her natural storage container to keep a certain snowman’s carrot nice and fresh. It’s one of the stupidest things I have ever seen, but it is also on of the funniest in how unbelievable the scene is. The actual moment I speak of happens at 1:50 into the provided video, (but I encourage you to watch the whole thing due to it being very entertaining) and starts with Elizabeth, who after blow-drying her hair, decides to take a bath (?). Unfortunately, for Elizabeth’s character, Jack Frost is feeling a little dirt-teh too and decides to join her so he can clean out his “misplaced” carrot…if ya know what I mean. I cannot even handle the music in this scene and the thought of a snowman raping a girl is just…a thought I thought I would never have. Thanks to Jack Frost, I have had that thought now.

1. American Movie - For the shits and for the birds

American Movie is definitely my all time favorite documentary - and a film that I have loved since the first time I was welcomed into the lives of Mark Borchardt, his family, and his bat shit crazy friends. There are a plenty of scenes I could've went with in this hysterical film, but I narrowed it down to the one when Mark is attempting to get his Uncle Bill to cooperate on a scene he is shooting for the horror masterpiece, Coven. I love Uncle Bill and think he was so awesome, and I love how irritated he constantly gets when being around his obnoxious and overbearing nephew, Mark. Uncle Bill is most annoyed here as he tries to deliver a line of dialogue with numerous unsuccessful results. “It’s all right, it’s okay, there’s something to live for, Jesus told me soooo…” is a line that Bill just can’t get right, and Mark trying to direct him isn’t making anything any easier for Uncle Bill, who would much rather chill 'til the next episode in his frighteningly filthy trailer. I don’t blame him, it is wintertime in Wisconsin, he is old and tired, and it’s take 31 already. I love that at the end of the clip, when Uncle Bill is all done saying he wont do anymore takes, Mark says “I‘m gonna see what we have to work with” like he is frustrated with Bill’s lack of cooperation…cooperation that lasted 31 takes mind you!

So, that’s my list and I’m sticking to it! Hope you had a chuckle or two, and if you have any funny moments of your own to add, please feel free.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: OH MY GOD!!! Edition!

What up partner?! I see you've decided to take a trip and explore the wild side of you inner dance machine this fine and lovely evening. Well, my young and influential friend, you quite possibly have made the greatest decision in your life, because you just came into the hottest thing since two-ply toilet paper...Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!! YEAHHHHHHHHHH! This is the dopest club in town, with the flyest women, the coolest dudes, and the strongest Quaaludes in all of Mexico! And we're not even in Mexico! Imagine that! First round is on me, and remember that if I give you any powdered mixes to secretly put in a pretty lady's drink later on...kay?! It's alright, there just vitamins that they sometimes forget to take at night when they're partying hard, I just wanna look out for their health and shit dawg...just don't tell them about it! We got each other’s backs here at Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party, we also have each other’s venereal diseases as well...but you gotta take the good with the bad I guess. YEOWWWWWA!! Let’s cut the chitchat and turn this mother out already! You really picked a sick night to walk in these doors, as we have the most super of special DJs this evening...straight outta Nilbog, we got da hottest of da hot, the one who don't stop with the body drop - I present you, DJ Holly Waits!! And what's this that she's brought with her?! Oh snap! It's Hunger Pains, by hip-hop revolutionaries, The Electric Duck Experience Ltd.! that guy over there eating eggs?! BLECH!

Boy I cannot get enough Troll II, and if this isn't one of the greatest things you have ever seen, then I am sorry, but you have to leave the club immediately! I don't know anything about who put this Hunger Pains video together, but it is totally brilliant and one of the funniest things I have ever watched. Troll II is just one of those rare films that inspire people to make shit like this, and there are a ton of great clips and fan made videos strewn throughout you tube that are inspired by the worst movie of all time, but this is one of my favorites fo sho. Certainly deserving of a proper dance party it is, and like Yoda I speak, for reasons I am not sure of.

Enough of that crap, how bout that DJ tonight? Man, that Holly Waits woman is right off the meat rack, son! OWWWWWWA! I bet she could use a nice dose of vitamins...err, you know, because she has a bit of a cough and we would want her to go back to Nilbog sick...right?! Anyways, hope you all enjoyed tonight’s Dance Party, it was a pleasure having you and chances are that it would pleasure you to have me sometime.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Paracinema Magazine Issue #7!

I have more than once sent you to Paracinema...The Blog to read my contributed brand of doo doo that the kind folks at Paracinema allow me to splatter from time to time. Moreover, if not for them, there would be no Chuck Norris Ate My Baby to be found, as Paracinema is where I got my start in the blogging world way back in March of this year. Can you imagine a world without Chuck Norris Ate My Baby?! The thought is truly terrifying, I know.

If you didn't know, Paracinema puts out a quarterly independent magazine that covers all types of cult and indie cinema, with articles that are more along the lines of deep analytical essays, not just reviews and previews as found in most genre mags that are out on shelves. Issue 7 is just around the corner and is now available for pre-order, and I must say, it looks like yet another winner in the awesome department! Articles include: 'Deconstructive Feedback: The Cinema of Larry Cohen' by Adam Protextor, 'The Bikinis, Hairspray, and Shattered Ceilings of Bimbo Feminism: Anita Rosenberg’s Modern Girls and Assault of the Killer Bimbos' by Jonathan Plombon and 'Cold Cinema: Emotional Glaciation and Active Spectatorship in Michael Haneke’s Funny Games' by the one and only, James Gracey. What a line-up! Plus, how can you not love that amazing Black Caesar cover art?! Which incidentally, is a movie that I reviewed for Paracinema...The Blog, and can also be found in issue 6...if you’re lucky enough to get a copy as it is now sold out (which in my mind is due to my review!)!

So, in a world where digital media is king, it is always a nice feeling to sit back and read a great magazine made of paper and love - a magazine dedicated to bringing insightful and original thoughts on the films and genres that we all love, and what better way to do so, than with Paracinema Magazine?! Support independent film making and independent print! You can pre-order issue 7 right here and you may wanna act fast, cause this one is gonna scorch right off the shelves!

Totally Tubular "Retro" Trailers! Jive Ass Turkey Edition!

There's nothing I love more than foreign rip-offs of American films, the Italians clearly did them best and brought a lot of flare and originality to the films they copied, but you gotta love the films from countries like Indonesia and the country of focus today, Turkey! I have compiled a handful of insanely entertaining clips and trailers for some of the more well known of the Turkish rip-offs. I would have to start things off with the Rambo rip-offs, as they may be the awesomest of the bunch. You will see a few recurring faces, namely, prominent Turkish film star Cüneyt Arkın and the Turkish Sylvester Stallone, Serdar Kebabçilar!

Turkish First Blood aka Vahsi Kan 1983

I just had to put a second clip for this film - they were both so kick-ass that it was way too hard to pick just one!

Rampage aka Korkusuz 1986

Turkish Star wars aka Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam 1982

Turkish Rocky aka Kara Simsek 1985

Turkish Superman aka Süpermen dönüyor 1979

Turkish E.T. aka Badi 1983

Monday, September 14, 2009

RIP Pat Swayze

With the sad news of Patrick Swayze passing away from a long battle with cancer, I thought it would be nice to revisit trailers for some of the movies that he was in - that doubled as movies that are just flat out kick ass, with many of them being childhood favorites of mine. This is quite the sad news...RIP.

The Outsiders


Black Dog

Point Break

Red Dawn

Giant Monster Mystery

I really loved Cloverfield, but what I liked even more than the film itself, was the brilliant viral marketing that went into the film before its release. Something about the mystery of it all just captivates me, brings out an almost - youthful sense of interest driven by imagination as to what the deal was with the movie. The Blair Witch Project had a very similar effect, but the difference with Cloverfield had the ability to cover more than just a section of woods and really cover an event that would impact the entire planet. That impact lead to some cool viral videos - like the Chaui Station meltdown in Japan, all of the news footage and home video stuff from subways and vacation videos, and even the foreign DVD release with the shot from the inside of and apartment with a cat hanging around when all of the sudden there are tons of explosions and then the apartment itself blows-up!

It's been a little over a year and a half since Cloverfield made its theatrical debut, and there seems to be some related viral rumblings in the past couple of weeks. There is this poster I have here in the "poster" spot, that is said to be fake, and it probably is, but if so, then it is still pretty rad. Then, what seems to be the first viral video came a few weeks back, but I am not sure if I buy into this one as being a "real" viral video or not. It looks convincing until the end when you see this weird shot of the monster, that just looks like a superimposed image from the end of the first film, and there is also a street sign that says Cloverfield on it too. I don't know...the videos from the first film had cheap CGI FX too, so I guess there is a possibility that this is a genuine viral video, and not a fan made one. Check it for yourself!

A little suspect? Maybe, but maybe those almost in your face signs are a way to get the marketing started and the Internet nerds like myself into a frenzy over any little thing that comes out afterwards. Just within the last day or so, this new video was released on You Tube, and while there is no real indication that it has anything to do with Cloverfield, that would lead me to believe that it totally has something to do with Cloverfield. As I said, the first video clearly is Cloverfield related, and if not a fan video, would make videos like this new one stand out as possible viral marketing...

The girl in the video is pretty, the kind of pretty to where I would think she is an actress of some sort, with some decent chops to boot. That may not be a grounds for believing this is real for some, but it works for me. Either way, I am very intrigued after seeing this second video, and now my radar is set to full geek in a hardcore way!

There hasn't been any "official" news of a sequel, but why would there be when all the fun is in the mystery? IMDB has absolutely nothing for Cloverfied 2, which is strange because they will usually have a listing for anything someone is tapped to do at some point under the "in development" section. I know Matt Reeves is doing Let Me In, but that is still in pre-production, so what has he been up to since then? You don't take a year plus off after a big hit like Cloverfield when you're new to the major motion picture game.

What does everyone else think about these videos? Real, fake, lame? Whatever the case may be, I would love to hear others thoughts on them and I wouldn't mind hearing thoughts on a sequel to Cloverfield in general while we're at it!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Back in the Lab Again

Wow...does a week and a half feel like an eternity when it's spent away from the services provided by my computer - I am beginning to get my bearings back, but I certainly missed a lot of movie news, trailers, and crap like that while doing the whole moving thing. Moving also made it a little difficult to make it out to the movies to see The Final Destination, but hopefully I will get the chance to peep it before it takes off into the "wait two months for DVD" limbo. I have heard some positive reviews along with the nice job TFD has done in the box office, especially in comparison to H2, which went straight to the crapper after the numerous terrible reviews and the continued strong showing of Inglourious Basterds and District 9. And that's another one that I have yet to see (District 9 I mean), but hope to before it's too late. Doesn't make it any easier with Sorority Row just coming out and getting decent reviews along with the release of the post apocalyptic animation film 9, a movie that I have been dying to see. Then there's Whiteout, another film that I'm really looking forward to watching, even though reviews have been a little on the whack side.

Oh woe is me, complaining about the over saturation of genre films that I'm interested in playing in theaters...whaaah! I'm not really complaining, but sometimes if I don't see a movie when it comes out theatrically, I won't see it for a very long time - so I try to see what I can at the cinema as far as stuff that looks or promises to be good. In the end, I am happy to see such an abundance of films that are worthy of Baby Eating and the few that I have seen have been quite good and done well money wise (save for H2), so I hope the trend keeps up. Probably not though.

As I said, I missed out on a ton of shit, and I have been scoping out the webs to find the stuff that I would think is most excellent as far as news and/or trailers. First of all, I am very eager to hear more about any news concerning an 8 disc box set of Park Chan-wook's Vengeance Trilogy. Some of my all time favorite films are in that trilogy, and while I have some proper releases of these movies already, this promises to be the definitive set of the master filmmaker’s revenge trilogy - with what I can only imagine will be super killer extras. You can check here for some very minor details, but this is the best news that I have heard since my little hiatus for sure.

Apparently, Victor Salva is working on getting a third installment of Jeepers Creepers off the ground. If everything comes together as planned, the film would be subtitled Cathedral and set 23 years after the events in the first movie while also bringing back Gina Phillips character, Trisha with her teenage son Darry, named after her brother that was snatched up in the first movie. I am certainly interested in another sequel, I really liked the first Jeepers Creepers, but the sequel was a disaster of epic proportions, on top of being a major disappointment with what was a good idea premise wise. However, I have heard of massive on set issues with namely a good portion of the cast not showing up for work and things of that nature. Though that may have been a factor, it's still not really much of an excuse for how many holes the films plot had. Jeepers Creepers 2 did decently in theaters, not sure if it was good enough to garner a theatrical release for a third film, but if it did come to fruition, it would be nice to see it in theaters.

Along my journeys, I strolled upon this teaser trailer for one of many Glass Eye Pix films that look to be promising, the movie is called Bitter Feast and is about a Chef that takes revenge on a food critic that gave his grub a bad review. Sounds like a fun little idea if executed properly, I do find it funny that Uber Chef, Mario Batali will actually be playing a character in the film, and I dig this simple and very fun little teaser that they put together here, which isn't surprising since this is the same company behind Hypothermia which had a teaser that I was raving about a few weeks ago.

Maybe the biggest surprise for me is this trailer for Solomon Kane that just plain looks amazing. Based off the pulp writings of Robert E. Howard, who is better known for creating Conan "the freaking" Barbarian, Solomon Kane looks to be along the lines of something like Van Helsing (if it didn't eat ass) meets Brotherhood of the Wolf. In my opinion, that is a very good thing. Check out the trailer stat!

Alrighty, that is enough catching up for now - it is nice to be somewhat caught up with a good majority of what is going on movie wise. Even better is the fact that I can get back to posting here regularly again. I do have some interesting things to say about my new surroundings movie wise, as I live in a very different area from before a few weeks ago, but that will be something I save for another day. Until then, always remember to cook all babies thoroughly as we are not responsible for any food born illness that you may encounter.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Big Party in Little China Edition!

Hey there you crazy party animals! I am so very happy that you all have once again made it out this Friday for yet another edition of Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! Cue the awesomely fun confetti!! Oh, I got some in my eyes...tee hee! Now, I'm not all that thrilled about doing back to back dance parties (so bad for the liver), but with my access to the interwebs finally arriving today (hip hop hooray!) and it being Friday and all, I guess I'll just have to go ahead and bust out a few pills and open up a couple bottles of the old bubbly, because motownphilly's back again! So, the party must go on as they would say, and who better to crank out the hottest of beats but dj Skele-tone, who after a weeklong hiatus (aka rehab stint) is back in the modda fuckin' saddle! A week off from spinnin' dope beats has inspired Skele-tone to rock something a little different tonight, and I think you are gonna dance your ass off as a result! Come on over to the dance floor and get ready to move dat ass as dj Skele-tone "takes us away" to the super sounds of The Coupe de Villes and their song, Big Trouble in Little China!

Is that Andy Dick that just showed up? Well, that's just great. Hope he doesn't offer to blow me for coke. Again.

Clearly written for the movie of the same name, Big Trouble in Little China was performed and recorded in 1986 by The Coupe de Villes, a band spearheaded by the one and only John Carpenter and consisted of familiar Carpenter contributors Nick Castle, and Tommy Lee Wallace. This is one of the very few occasions that you will see Carpenter without a butt in his mouth, and who knew he had such a dope voice! I love watching Carpenter as he works hard doing some film editing whilst playing guitar and singing his heart out - shows that he is truly dedicated to the arts. My personal favorite is when Lo Pan shoots electricity out of his mouth, and right on through the monitor that Carpenter is playing in front of, but with the power of rock, John deflects the electricity to another scene in the film, keeping him and the rest of his band mates safe from electrical shock! By the way, what are those robes that J.C. is wearing?! Very Egyptian chic. I was waiting for him to start doing a Steve Martin/King Tut imitation! And yes, Nick Castle does look a lot like Adam Sandler in his nappy haired days.

Okay, I could go on and on about the great things in this video as it's one of my favorites, and I am thrilled that Skele-tone picked it out for this Friday's Dance Party. However, I got some serious drinkin' to do, and if I don't start dropping some Spanish fly in a few drinks soon, I aint gettin' laid tonight - then I would be forced to take up Andy Dick on his offer...never a good thing I might add. Have fun folks, and see you next week!

"Big Trouble in Little China may not be as great as Halloween, The Thing, or even Prince of Darkness, but I bet it still wasn't cheap to make. You could use payday loans to help fund your next movie or music video."

Friday, September 4, 2009

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Wannabe-able to Put Up Some Posts Edition!

Hey hoes! I must apologize for my lack of love over here at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, but with a major multi-state move, I have been without access to Internet - let alone my computer! THE HORROR!! But thanks to my pal, dj Boomer I have a quick chance to say yo, and let you all know that I will be back with the fury once the new Baby Eating lair is all set up with access to the inter-webs and all that Jazz. I see a lot of posts comments, and a few from some new Baby Eaters (!), that I will respond to as soon as I am live and direct - I didn't want anyone to think that I've lost that loving feeling or anything silly like that.

I should be up and running sometime next week, but thought it would be a commandment breaker if I weren't able to have a little dance party - just no cocaine or ecstasy at this one since my time here is so limited. This week, special guest dj Boomer brings us a little Milli Vanilli style of Freddy funk, in honor of my wannabe-ing back on the Chuck Norris Baby Eating track. Thanks for your patience, hope you all enjoy, and I'll see you soon!

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